|Reviews for The Darkened Mirror 1: The Secret of the Supreme|
| DELDELETEDPROFILE chapter 4 . 3/7/2009
this is really good! Update soonerifically because you don't usually and ur all neon x y and ugh!
or tack on a realy long ending! plz!
| DELDELETEDPROFILE chapter 3 . 3/7/2009
nice nice nice. i shal read on!
| DELDELETEDPROFILE chapter 2 . 3/7/2009
i can't believe you never told me you posted this! argh, this is really good!
| DELDELETEDPROFILE chapter 1 . 3/7/2009
freaking awesome! too bad we don't know what's going to happen in the real series..xD
| LeFrenchMartini chapter 4 . 8/29/2007
I love this!
hope you update soon!
I need an update lol! :)
& Shayy ;
| LeFrenchMartini chapter 2 . 8/29/2007
i love that line 'Because of youre moms weight (no offense)
Loors seems a little insensitive about her acolytes death...
& Shayy ;
| LeFrenchMartini chapter 1 . 8/29/2007
Wow, I really like this story okay, but everything is just a tad bit TOO corny,
the firest thing you do it bleed when a wild best is behing you lmfao :)
& when Courtneyd mom died and she noticed it was Saint Dane,
she kindof...cornily implied revenge if that makes sense.
Im going to continue reading.
I was wondering if you would mind returning the favour and R & r my story please?
& Shayy ;
| Da Blue chapter 4 . 3/19/2007
Nice story so far. I like the Pendragon series too. I may not be a writer, but try some of these on for size. They may help the story flow better:
1)Use more descriptive words. They help to create a clear mental picture. At some points in the story, it is unclear what is happening. Make sure it all makes sense.
2)Don't write sentences that are choppy or run too long. Choppy sentences are not descriptive enough, and lengthy ones don't give the brain time to add it all together.
3)Don't be so repetitive. If you described the robot last sentence, use "it" in the next one. Also, during conversations, you don't need a "he said" after every quote. Use them to clarify when needed.
4)Spellcheck, spellcheck, spellcheck! Be sure words are spelled correctly and that they are the ones you want. (ex: die or dye) Grammar and punctuation are also important. A simple comma could completely change the meaning of the sentence.
Keep up the good work!