|Reviews for Jurassic Park Broken Lives|
| Tellemicus Sundance chapter 9 . 6/8/2007
Well now, this is truly an unexpected surprise. The fence goes down, forcing the girls and Silver Claw to flee. Now they're partly to their new (hopeful) home and Tyrannous is brought into a new pack raptors. I guess it goes without saying that he'll do everything within his power to either take control of the pack or trick them into hunting Silver Claw and his friends.
A word of advice though. As I've said several times already, raptors are highly intelligent creatures. With that said, I believe that it would be quite unlikely that the new pack would induct Tyrannous into them so easily. You should have them be highly suspicious of him and his motivations. I mean, as alpha male and female, Tyrannous's hesitation before giving his false name should most definitely put them on edge. In fact, you could create a whole system of 'raptor politics' to go along with this pack. If Tyrannous does tread lightly, he could find himself some new enemies.
And this also brings up a new point that I don't think you've discussed in this story yet. Now, unless I'm not mistaken, Tyrannous was either once a part of Silver Claw's pack right? That would explain why SC always calls him 'traitor.' But what were Tyrannous's motivations to leaving the pack and for killing SC's family? But that doesn't make sense because he's a different species to SC.
So he must've been a part of an enemy pack, one he PROBABLY tried to take control of perhaps? And one of the trials that he had to undergo before he could claim leadership was to kill off the pack's enemy's current (or high-ranking) leaders, thus SC's family deaths? But then something goes wrong (SC survived) and he's banished. In his dwindling sanity, Tyrannous believes that it was all SC's fault. That almost sounds like a pretty good scenario.
If so, then I guess it could explain why he gave a false name. With a raptor that was trying to gain total control of his pack, his name would likely be spread around so that none of the other packs would recruit him and give him the opportunity again.
Hey! NEW IDEA! Somehow, one way or another, SC will unite the raptor packs into an organized herd who could become even more fiercesome than all the super predators of the island, due to their sheer numbers! What do you think? Pretty farfetched eh?
Anyway, excellent chapter! I most definitely loved it. NOTE: when I ramble on about these ideas and suggestions, it usually means that you've raised my interest enough to force me to review and consider new ways to help you improve the story further. To this point, I love the story you're writing!
| Tellemicus Sundance chapter 1 . 6/6/2007
Hey there, me again. I'm just here to offer you some new ideas I came up with recently.
Going off of what the other guy suggested, you SHOULD add at least one last human into the story. A man, an extreme survivalist with a face that women would swoon after in a second. He could teach the girls about certain plants that can be used for sicknesses and/or eating, teach them how to make fire with the materials available, show them how to treat broken bones and injuries (at least 1 has to occur!).
Why I say that he should be so unholily handsome is because it would be wonderful indicator to how much Amanda has grown attached to Silver Claw. The man, being a survivalist, would ONLY see Silver Claw as an animal, a smart one but still an animal. Due to her growing feelings for Silver Claw, Amanda would immediately jump in to defend him against any and all slander. Wouldn't she?
A good background story for this guy would be that he came to this island in search of the ULTIMATE test of his abilities. He could've heard something about the original Jurassic Park (or the expedition during Lost World), and wanted to try this new challenge since he's already survived all the other known wildernesses of the world. You should also have him be a major lady's man, with 'live in the present' and 'dangerous fun is the best fun' type of attitude.
P.S. I strongly recommend you turn on your Private Messaging link in your profile. That way I wouldn't have to use a review to get your attention. _
| Teodyssey chapter 8 . 6/3/2007
Hmm this update came alot quicker than usual yay!. The plot has certainly thickened a great deal. If Ellie and Tyrannous team up to kill silver claw, that would complicate and compomise the rest of the story after that point, that's what my teacher said about the death of a main character.
anyways, I think that the pace they're learning raptor is still considerably slow, for silver claw to only beable to say 1- 3 words at a time that they'll understand.
Y'know, how's 'bout a male human. Having two girls as protagonists is a novel idea but neither of them really know how to cure sickness, so why not make a male character that can cure them of any disease they "may" come across, all that raw meat and excess blood intake from GMO has to be doing something to their systems.
| Tellemicus Sundance chapter 8 . 6/3/2007
Uh oh! Ellie a possible traitor? Now that would just be wrong, especially considering that it was highly likely that Tyrannous would kill her in celebration of finally killing Silver Claw and Amanda.
So Amanda and Silver Claw seem to be growing closer and closer together. Hm, I wonder if they're going to become 'mates' in the (near?) future.
I also wonder which is going to happen first. Will they confront Tyrannous or find their next meal? When or will the Spinosaurus make another appearance? Will their little 'nest' be attacked by more than just Tyrannous? Where is Tyrannous's nest and what are their opinions on him and Silver Claw. So many questions! I hope we can find out soon! _
| Frodo's Girl Forever chapter 8 . 6/3/2007
Wow! (Don't worry-I read the chapter before that!) I loved them both! I can't wait to see what happens next! Oh I dearly hope Silver Claw doesn't die or get killed! I can't imagine Amanda's reaction...and, how would Ellie feel?
| GuesssWho chapter 8 . 6/3/2007
Ellie's a /bitch/, isn't she? Wow.
| Vampiric Zekushion chapter 7 . 6/3/2007
Woah this fanfic is so original! I love this, please update I can't wait to read the next chapter.
| Dragonborn chapter 7 . 5/30/2007
Man I wish I could learn Raptor, if only for the curses. And why do I get the feeling that whoever was watching them at teh end wasn't Tyrannous.
| NemesisX312 chapter 7 . 5/30/2007
Learning another language with a friend can always have its benefits. Raptor language, now thats another story. Keep up the good writing, and I'm sure that I'll be reading.
| NemesisX312 chapter 6 . 5/30/2007
Dinasuar taste like chicken, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. Though anyone will eat anything in order to suvive, only if its edible. Just like on Cast Away how Chuck Noland ate the fish raw, I wonder how it fresh raw meat would taste too, on a fresh kill.
| Teodyssey chapter 7 . 5/30/2007
wonderful!, i love this kinda story. i know its sad but i came home today just to read the rest of the chapter. hm, raptornese? did you get that from JP 3?. although the part where ellie instantly cheered up when amanda spoke in raptor doesn't seem all too realistic, i'd thought that she'd be freaked out and enraged that Amanda was getting closer to Silver claw. thats just me.
Are you going to add a few more human characters? all those people dying from one spinosaur is alittle much.
| XWerewolfPirateX chapter 7 . 5/30/2007
YAYNESS! Awesome chapters, love the story. Keep writing more chapters!
| Tellemicus Sundance chapter 7 . 5/30/2007
Heh, so you trade one cliffhanger for another? That's okay. But I kind of had a feeling that this was going to happen. I must say however, that I was pleasantly surprised again that you seemed to have used another suggestion of mine.
Why do I get the feeling that this mysterious individual who was probably watching the girls hunt the entire time was Tyrannous? Hm, scouting for information on enemy movement and tactics eh? I wonder what his next move will be.
And if the girls will somehow get a fire going. You do realize that the easiest way of keeping a fire on an island like that would be to keep it indoors and with a constant supply of wood. Also, wood plucked from dead and dry trees makes a less visible smokescreen than branches from live trees. And since they are on an island filled with carnivorous animals, a less visible campfire would probably be for the best.
Sorry about lecturing. I just really want to see the best brought out of this story.
| natdrat00 chapter 7 . 5/29/2007
This is a good story, I can only imagine where it is going. I hope you update soon.
| Dezy-X29 chapter 7 . 5/29/2007
AWESOME! Lol, I wonder what Ellie said? haha