|Reviews for As darkness comes|
| Kami Takai chapter 1 . 5/14/2007
HA! HA! HA! You know Jackle is one of my favorits from the anime. His all black look is just so hard to come by these days. I liked him so much in fact, I went out and bought a black trench just like him. I loved ur story. It was quite funny. I would like to read more of ur writing boys... KEEP IT UP!
| Clorinda chapter 1 . 3/27/2007
The impression this fic gave was: either you're illiterate, *or* you're pretending to be, *or* you have a pretty ordinary-sized vocabulary and lean too heavily on the thesaurus. (I'm pretty sure it's the latter, but who knows, I may be wrong.)
I'll give you my first clues:
"resentment at being thrown out in the precipitation"
"Stepping onto the zenith of it"
"directly onto his facade" (that one had me roaring)
"the fastidious wood flooring" (now *that* was funny)
I don't mean to sound rude, but there you have it: you used some of the most atrocious synonyms and the effect was terrible. I'll tell you why those synonyms are misused:
"Precipitation" is restricted mostly to the geography textbooks, and isn't used in free and easy speech. You should have used "rainfall" and Apocalypse wouldn't have happened.
"Zenith" would most commonly be used in the expression So-and-so had reached the "zenith of fame." Ban just tripped over the *top* of Akabane's hat.
"Façade" means a smokescreen or a metaphorical mask, more than a face. It implies a front you're concealing yourself behind. Ban simply fell on his *face*. Sure he wears a façade, but certainly not applicable here.
"Fastidious," no matter how you look at it, means fussy. Nitpicky. Hard to please. (I looked up the thesaurus on this one, and it gives a second mean as "refined.") In this case, the floorboards were just *polished*. Like I said, Apocalypse wouldn't have happed if you used a simple word like that.
Overall, I didn't think the fic was ribtickling, but it too much on the slapstick side, like it was a first attempt at humour. Word of caution: to make something funny, you didn't need to make it *too* slapstick. Some people have a talent for that, but you don't. Maybe you should try inserting witticisms, or maybe sardonic-amused observations, which still produce the humour element.
| Keirrot chapter 1 . 3/6/2007
Oh gosh that was funny!
| Tenoko chapter 1 . 3/6/2007
I found Ginji to be very annoying, but your description of Akabane was quite pleasant. Nothing else made sense. Sorry.