|Reviews for Brothers at Arms|
| Maddywinx4eva chapter 26 . 3/31
Since you are really good at this you could involve season 2 in a sequel.
| thestarsinthesky13 chapter 26 . 12/23/2015
OH MY GOSH. THIS STORY IS AMAZING. I LOVE IT. Words cannot describe how in love I am with this fanfic. It's just, just...(screams in frustration and delight). Pure awesomeness. You keep in character and that's great! Amazing! I was gonna do one review per chapter but then I forgot and kept on reading because I was too impatient. Whoops.
Anyways, your writing style is amazing, and how you weave extra plot stuff into the stories to explain certain things is flawless. Seriously. You could be an amazing writer with all the depth you put into this. Your grammar is on point, and the story flows really well, with is a major plus for me. God knows how many stories that have a good plot, but the grammar is so horrible I can't stand it (I grew up with a teacher who was strict on grammar. She was called the Grammar Queen. We all loved her though because she was funny and amazing).
I see that you have a finished sequel and another so I'll be going to read them now! So blessed to have found this story.
| FireHeart3198 chapter 26 . 6/11/2015
I love love love loved this fic... It was really amazing to see the boys displayed in the spotlight. I noticed you got another two sequels. I am ecstatic. I was wondering when/if you are going to finish the 3rd one? I really would like to finish both stories! Thank you for writing the fic :-) Don't stop writing... Especially Winx Club stories.
| yamachi-11 chapter 11 . 4/11/2015
My god I love your story. It's I trees ting to see the boys point of view. I was dying at the ending of this chapter reading about Rivens hallucination.
| Cookieninja16 chapter 21 . 4/9/2015
Ok I want to say one thing... How do you accidentally cut Simone's hair off xD
| Cookieninja16 chapter 19 . 4/9/2015
Omg yes wolverine (W) from season 1 durning the fight (someone else's comment that I lived)
"Whoa I didn't know wolverine was a specialist" xD
| Butterfly Crown chapter 8 . 4/6/2015
Line thingys are henceforth going to be called "indention"s.
Typo number 1: I blame spell check.
V1: Not only would it save Riven to emotion drama
CV: Not only would it save Riven the emotional drama
Located at: The second paragraph above the second indention.
Typo number 2: Spell check did it again.
V1: "I owe Bloom an apology don't it?"
CV: "I owe Bloom an apology don't I?"
Typo Number 3: That's a negative.
V1: he just could believe that she could do something so underhanded.
CV: he just couldn't believe that she could do something so underhanded.
Located at: a couple paragraphs above the third indention from the bottom.
Typo Number 4: Switcheroo.
V1: and suddenly found himself in company of female of his own.
CV1: and suddenly found himself in female company of his own.
CV2: and suddenly found himself in company of a female of his own.
Located at: sixth paragraph below the second to last indention
So the 4Kids version actually goes into people's background instead of saying "Ha ha, go read the comics, Wikipedia or anything else for background information, and would you also like this toy?" That's a point for 4Kids.
I'm glad that you also mentioned that Riven isn't completely unromantic, after all, he may be a jerk at times, but he still defends Musa once they get together.
I agree completely on the Romeo&Juliet standpoint. The fact that it's "The TRAGEDY of Romeo and Juliet" is completely lost now a days. She should have been screaming "Police! Police!" or "Nurse! Nurse!" when he showed up at her balcony.
You're doing a great job with the fanfiction, and if my reviews get off topic and start to criticize something that might be offensive, I ask that you please tell me so that I won't do anything offensive.
Thing I'm slightly ticked at the original creators for:
Having this magical musician-street performer/body dancer come in for plot and then never referencing her again. Seriously? Make it be Aisha/Layla and have it be a hint of what the second season has in store with this new character instead of just shoehorning Aisha/Layla in.
| Cookieninja16 chapter 14 . 4/6/2015
I loved that you said he was thinking about her because I'm like umm Tf your just gunna leave her like WHAT and just turn on her for no reason it's not like she's evil
| Butterfly Crown chapter 7 . 4/5/2015
Typo number 1: simple forgetfulness
V1: This concerts going to drag anyway.
CV: This concert's going to be a drag anyway.
Located at: Riven's hair defies gravity.
Typo number 2:
V1: I think Riven needs a lend of you glasses
CV: I think you need to lend Riven your glasses
Located at: somewhere after second line thingy.
Typo number 3: Wrong kind of there(their, they're)
V1: Now take you're weapons boys.
CV: Now take your weapons boys.
Located at: mopping fun.
Typo number 4: omnition
V1: The boys could the extent of the damage.
CV: The boys could see the extent of the damage.
Located at: Can't tell.
Typo number 5: apostrophe s required
V1: Timmy footing started to slip.
CV: Timmy's footing started to slip.
Located at: Still hard to pinpoint.
Typo number 6: Double whammy
V1: he giving the beast the opportunity it needed.
CV: he'd given the beast the opportunity it needed.
Located at: Somewhere after you've pinpointed the pinpoint.
Typo number 7: 1st of all, Fanboy doesn't start a sentence, he continues it. 2nd of all on not of. 3rdly commas around luckily.
V1: But the Minotaur had all its attention of Timmy and Brandon so it luckily didn't notice.
CV: But the Minotaur had all its attention on Timmy and Brandon so it, luckily, didn't notice.
Located at: Let's fight this thing!
Typo number 8: Too repetitive.
V1: We just must have just ambushed them in here when you showed up Mrs. F.
CV: We must have just ambushed them in here when you showed up Mrs. F.
Located at: Just above the third line thingy from the end.
Typo number 9: Pick and chose.
V1: "Defiantly," Stella nodded, and he couldn't help kissing her hand again.
CV1: Defiantly Stella nodded, and he couldn't help kissing her hand again.
CV1: "Definitely," Stella nodded, and he couldn't help kissing her hand again.
Located at: the second paragraph above the second line thingy. Other wise known as the flirty area.
Riven and Musa. The overly corn-ified version of a complex relation with trust issues. The one thing that I'm one hundred and ten percent certain that RAI did better. I'm very curious to Riven's origins, that is something that 4Kids made more interesting from the samples of the script I've read through your work.
RANT TIME! *You have no obligation to read this*
UGH! How I wish that they'd done more character development with the world's rules and minor character instead of giving the show to a new add-on cast! Is Riven the progeny of a witch and a regular man? What is Riven's Timmy's last names? What is the dynamic between all of the Teachers and Headmasters? Is there a reason why Bloom never figured out she had powers on Earth for over 15 years? If Magix is a center of magical laylines that gives people a boost, then does Earth have the same or less amount of power? Is the whole magic thing an inherited trait or random? Can children like Flora's little sister use magic? If kids can see pixies because they haven't settled yet as shown in season two then is it possible to introduce them to magic in order to give them the ability to manipulate magic? How does Tecna's powers work anyways? How was Merdia able to become a fairy when she was a witch without any sort of wings? If losing your wings means you can't transform then how does a witch become a fairy? Are they accessing two completely different magical sources for their powers? If so how does that work?
Tecna's entire world doesn't even get a flashback like Musa's does. Pushing Kiko out of the way to make room for a bunch of pixies makes no sense! Completely decimating Lady as a whole is weird. Not going further into detail Daphne and Bloom's relationship with just one scene with Daphne as a kid picking up Bloom then putting her back in the cradle after her parent's told her it was time for bed was weak. Overemphasizing the fact that Bloom knows nothing about her birth parents was a terrible choice if she loves her real parents, the ones that raised her. Ignoring the glaring fact that Flora's mother and father weren't even mentioned when they visited her planet alludes to the idea that "it takes a village to raise an orphan" by just showing her little sister.
RANT HAS ENDED.
Shit hits the fan on mothers day. So very happy to really appreciate the warmth and love our mothers give.
| Butterfly Crown chapter 6 . 4/5/2015
V1 Your version or version 1.
CV Corrected Version
Typo Number 1: Grammatical error.
V1: and standing by his bed with a foolish grin on her face was Lady.
CV: and standing by his bed, with a foolish grin on her face was Lady.
Found at: Second paragraph after chapter announcement.
Typo Number 2: Missing s
V1: You are fully aware that nobody believe that.
CV: You are fully aware that nobody believes that.
Found at: The Tecna area. I wish they had done more with her character.
Typo Number 3: Missing an apostrophe.
V1: That guys a creep.
CV: That guy's a creep.
Found at: the part after the line thingy.
Is it part of their speech pattern to leave the "s" off of certain words? Secondly, from the flash back that Musa had about her home planet, I'm going to say that it isn't the best place to hang out. Maybe that's why she's the street princess, the concrete angel, I can't think of any more references.
To be honest with the whole "Riven and Darcy" thing in the first season is still better than what they did to the Trix in the latter seasons, essentially turning them into a harem for whatever bad guy comes their way. That's just messed up on too many levels.
Who the heck invents a nasal delivery for erectile dysfunction?! In their world/ area I get it, technology meets magic, but here on Earth?! That is weird.
| Butterfly Crown chapter 5 . 4/5/2015
Getting back into this. Maybe this will help me start writing for the Winx Fic I've got hidden away in my Doc Manager.
Now for the corrections.
"Typo #: type of typo
what the typo is
Typo Number 1:
"the schools cheif." change to "the school's chef."
Found At: The first Paragraph after End Dream.
Typo Number 2: Not sure if this is intentional.
"Looks at them!"
Found at: the first paragraph after the line thingymagig.
Typo Number 3: Repeated mistake.
Freshman is both the plural and singular form. Freshman's indicate ownership of something.
Found at: After the line thing.
Typo Number 4: Simple typo
"and that you'd better lift you game if you going to change that."
Way to fix #1: "and that you'd better lift your game if you're going to change that."
Way to fix #2: "and that you'd better lift your game if you are going to change that."
Found at: The end of the paragraph with Javelin. Nice name by the way. What's lifting your game? Is that an Australian expression?
Typo Number 5: Wrong variation of the word. Could be debatable on starting a sentence with But.
But it didn't easy Sky's mind. Corrected version: "But it didn't ease Sky's mind."
Found At: a little ways above the second line thingy
Typo Number 6: I'm curious to see how this would be defended.
to put together just one dragon bride.
Most likely version: to put together just one dragon bridle.
Found at: a little ways below the second line thingy. Would it be possible to make a dragon bride as some sort of bait for catching them?
Typo Number 7: changing sentence structure mid thought? The script was weird to begin with?
"I'd love to take one that date I missed last night." "I'd love to take you on that date I missed last night."
Found at: the fifth paragraph before the third line thing.
Were you in the military in Australia? How does that work over? Did you have to serve for x amount of years or something?
| Cookieninja16 chapter 6 . 4/4/2015
Omg I though he was serious when he said the thing about nasal sex I'm like umm ok TF xD
| Cookieninja16 chapter 4 . 4/4/2015
I love the like little scenes you add they make this more realistic
| Cookieninja16 chapter 3 . 4/4/2015
I love how you added that section with tommy and techna and the musa and Rubin part I think your right they telly did just skip over that whole meet and greet thing in at swamp
| Cookieninja16 chapter 2 . 4/4/2015
Sky's nose was slightly swollen from being kicked by Riven after trying to tape bubble wrap around his leg while he slept. Riven had woke up and was not impressed with Sky's efforts at creating him some armor
Loved this and I live the way you made a story of how they found lady
Also I think your boyfriend needs bubble rap when around you xD Srry I read the story you put about him and I almost died