|Reviews for Season Four: Through the Cracks|
| Stand Alone Battle A.I chapter 7 . 3/31/2007
the way you painted the draw between rufus and ron was with nothing less than utter perfection. and when the crumpled chimereto wraper breezed by like a tumble weed, i had to manualy remind myself that lauphing is not the same as breathing and as much as i enjoy lauphing i also enjoy oxygen. although i miss version 1.0's pendulum of doom sequence, i cant wait to finaly see the long awaited conclusion of this 2 part cliff hanger.
keep it up!
| Brother Bludgeon chapter 7 . 3/30/2007
Let me start out by saying, this is the show. Practically everyone here writes things things because of some affection they have for the actual Disney program, but I have come across very few writers who could actually produce something that 1) Follows the established characterization and plot progression so closely and 2) Actually keep their work at a Disney-rated content level that I can barely differentiate this from canon. Not trying to blow smoke here. Hate doing that. Just believe good work deserves praise.
This chapter specifically, you're dealing with a topic that even the show's writers seem to be avoiding like the plague: Yori's reaction. She's a really nice girl who, technically, made a move long before Kim did. The only thing she doesn't have going for her is more than a decade of pre-dating friendship, which is pretty darned difficult to compete with. I hope the show deals with it eventually but, if they chicken out and say that Yori and Ron worked out the Kim thing over the summer, or worse, if they "just grew apart," I'm going to assume whatever it is that you're writing is what happened.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Don't screw up.
Continue with the blessings of blunted violence,
| leadfoot352 chapter 7 . 3/30/2007
I just have one thing to say about that. I totally hate you for leaving it off there. Curse you and your dramitics. Oh well, I guess I'll just sit here and wait.
| Isamu chapter 7 . 3/30/2007
Rufus being hired by Mr Dr P to chaperon? Perfect. Kim's reaction to the Lotus Blade was cool too. And Yori being jealous of Kim, I think that's on the money. I can't wait to see how that plays out this season in fact...
| spectre666 chapter 7 . 3/30/2007
Nice work. I especially liked the quisling Rufus. His loyalty knows no bounds, unless, of course, chees is involved. :P
| daywalkr82 chapter 7 . 3/30/2007
It's spelled KATANA, YAMANOUCHI, no worse for WEAR, NUNCHUCKS, (seriously, didn't you ever watch TMNT when you were little), STAVES, PEEKED ahead, "WHO you got for me?", teen HEROINE (she's not a drug... well, ok, she is :), but she's not an addictive opioid.).
Someone's looking for a broken neck. :cough: Bonnie :cough:
The kung-fu may be reserved for baddies (and I am so looking forward to MrDrP writing the second fight between Bonnie and Kim), but high-school evil needs its well-toned ass kicked every once in a while, too.
| Pharaoh Rutin Tutin chapter 7 . 3/30/2007
“Oh, you meant actual ninjas,” Ron said flatly. “I was wondering when we were going to get to the ‘normal’ part of the day.”
Only someone like Ron, who has known the horror of shopping with Kim, would regard a ninja attack as the "normal" part of his day.
To be continued? There can be only one explaination. Fairy Godpare. . . (oops, wrong show). Lord Fiske has objected to the conclusion of your story, and thus has sent monkey ninjas to disable the bot.
| CajunBear73 chapter 7 . 3/30/2007
Hope Ron, being Ron, can save them all. Kim's in his corner, but Rufus being a spy for Mr Dr P is a bit unnerving...
| Akinyi chapter 6 . 3/28/2007
What babysitting experience is complete without those wonderful mind-control chips? Of course, after Kim's finished with the tweebs after they pulled off that lair stunt there may be nothing left to chip.
At least she and Ron can spend some alone time at the end (with an audience of oh say, a million give or take)
Great chapter, as always!
| CajunBear73 chapter 6 . 3/28/2007
Really enjoyed the episode! The dog fight Rufus had was hilarious! ROFL!
Ron's & Kim's little internal stage play was nicely played out and their little wishes were just about to come to fruition, but duty did call... Ron's badboy came out to play, and Kim's prim side was really outnumbered by her cheerleader's, weren't they?
Now that the copycat villains are out of action, can they survive the pilot episode of 'Teen Heroes'?
| Magnatron The NR Fan chapter 6 . 3/26/2007
Nice, very nice. As always your comedy, as well as your action, was superb. Keep up the good work.
God bless you.
I am the Eggman!
P.S. Did you get the PM about my last review?
| korovan chapter 6 . 3/26/2007
Good stuff: you capture everyone personalities and speech patterns quite well. Keep it up!
| Isamu chapter 6 . 3/26/2007
This series continues to be nothing short of inspired. My hat is off to you. Keep up that good work.
Specific comments for this chapter. Ron is right on the money, weather it be watching "Lairs" to see if the Senior's mention him, or making sure that the "Teen Heroes" crew gets his name right. Kim is also on the money, (I especially liked the part with her internal prissy side and her internal cheer squad) with her reactions to both her family and to Ron. And on the subject of her family, yeah, I can so see Mr. Dr. P admonishing the tweebs for having the mass to thurst ratio off. Well done all around.
| Molloy chapter 6 . 3/26/2007
What could both prevent me from starting work on my own next chapter AND get me to put down my Rushdie novel? The next chapter of “Through the Cracks” of course!
What a quirky and charming plot idea that meshes so well with the spirit of the show! And you sidestepped the obvious problem that arises with said plot. If the real villains are such doofs, how could copycat baddies give Team Possible any trouble? Just the sheer number of fruitcakes, of course!
I loved how the curtains ran through the entire episode.
Kim’s internal life was very inspired. The gymnasium filled with Kims chanting for Ron was very funny. And I can so see Kim’s conservatively-dressed conscience. You definitely expressed the hormonal drive of our teen heroes while maintaining the innocent nature of such longings as exhibited in the show. Like MrDrP, you know how far to take things in this direction without tripping the icky-ness meter (even by suggestion which is no easy feat).
The banter was on show-level throughout.
My favorite line was when the tweebs were first thinking of becoming villains and reacted the presence of their sister.
* “Kim Possible!” both boys shouted in unison before making a hasty exit. Their older sister was left to place her head in her hand and rub her temple. *
My favorite part, however, was the dishwashing scene. A nice, small moment that upped the K/R relationship (at least in Ron’s mind).
* However, as they finished up the chore, Kim, for no particular reason, nuzzled up against him as they still stood in the kitchen and it finally became a reality to him. ‘Girlfriend’ was penciled into the list. *
Very nice and, even though you a channeling a cartoon show, true to life. Relationships (and worlds) are turned on such small moments.
However, there was one element that I had counted on being revisited later in the episode but wasn’t. When MrDrP asked the Tweebs to “keep an eye” on Kim and Ron, I had anticipated that their evil scheme would have, in some way, been involved in spying on the two heroes-doing their father’s evil bidding in some way (or doing his bidding in an evil way).
Regardless, the ending WAS a nice ironic follow-up on MrDrP’s request. All he’ll have to do is watch tv now. Ending was very satisfying and very Ronnish.
In fact, I would say that this episode was as good as most of the episodes of S4 and, most definitely, funnier than “Grande Size Me.”
| Stand Alone Battle A.I chapter 6 . 3/25/2007
amazing, ive read this before. i knew what was going to happen. but i still couldnt wait to read this and i still lauphed just as hard as i did the first time. thats not the mark of a good author, thats the mark of a great author. you portrayed kim and ron as being experienced professionals in a group of ameteurs with leathal acuracy. and i loved how one of the copycats was kims own brothers. i would expect nothing less from them
great work i look forword to the next installment.