|Reviews for The missing family|
| UnicornsMystique chapter 1 . 8/6/2008
I realize it's been a fair piece of time, but this story has potential so I figured it couldn't hurt to say something.
If you haven't already, my first suggestion would be to put this under the category of...I'm guessing, Professor Snape's daughter.
I personally don't know much about how categorizes, but if it's do-able, it's a start.
For a general idea of what others have done with similar story situations, if you're interested, you might try searching under 'Snape, daughter' or something.
A few minor things that could be improved would be
1)the sudden shift of one view to another (ex. 'pulling her wand from my sleeve', etc.)
2) spelling in general (ex. fiend/friend, etc.)
3) plot development (there's not much here to draw from, but it seems to be flowing well enough so far)
4) Mary Sue avoidance (in case you've not been brought up to date, it's the semi-new insanity sweeping through the world of fanfiction, etc., like a brushfire, involving the introduction of 'perfect or ideal' characters. Google the word and you'll find plenty of advice on the subject-but be warned that there probably isn't any real way to avoid the issue considering all the millions of views on the matter.)
Anyway, a good beta can help with all these...so if you're still wanting to do the story, do please continue!