|Reviews for Rumors|
| cheshireSorrows chapter 4 . 10/3/2012
Hello, just stopped by to leave you a review. Hope you don’t mind, I tend to ramble a lot so I figured I should warn you before I completely forget myself…ahem…
The first chapter was a bit hard to get by because of the lack of flow:
“She grabbed her white beach cruiser, and threw her bag into the basket attached in front. After placing her feet on the pedals, and pulled the brake from the ground, she set off.
Naminé pedaled through the sidewalks, sometimes glancing away from the path to look at passerbies. Then her thoughts trailed to her school.”
The last sentence I quoted from your story didn’t connect well with either the sentence preceding it or the paragraph before it and the inconsistency did jar me a bit as well as her arrival into the café. Thankfully it smoothed out by the time Kairi and Selphie arrived.
I think it was very typical of Naminé to choose passive silence over fighting back though it was inconsistent with her earlier remark before she kept quiet.
The flashback was also a bit of an issue for me because it switched from third person to first person, not that it wasn’t hard to catch because you did italicize it; however, it was still a little bit uncomfortable to switch perspectives like that, simply making it a third person flashback would have sufficed.
The flashback itself at least answered the question as to why Kairi and Selphie were causing trouble for her, but again the inconsistency to her actions in the past versus her actions of the present are still contradictory. It could be because of the rumors that she later chooses silence, but if she is quick to defend someone else (Sora in that instance) then shouldn’t it be the same for herself when others accuse her of something she isn’t?
I definitely love your portrayal of Roxas; sort of goofy and bad-boy-ish which is pretty much a Roxas Combo to me, so I think you nailed his character pretty well. I loved his adorable stuttering and the way he randomly blurted out that he wanted to go out with Naminé. The redefinition of shweet!
As for the second part of the story involving the “da- plans” between them, I liked how natural their interactions were and I could definitely feel that they were comfortable around each other.
You focused quite a bit on Naminé as it was told in her third person view and it was interesting to see a side of Naminé that wasn’t the typical shy, lonely artist mainly because you added a slight dimension to her by giving her a bit of temper and irrationality when frustrated i.e: the scene at the party when Kairi and Selphie confronted her.
Though that isn’t to say however, that Naminé was completely different I think that Naminé’s reaction to being confronted would be understandable considering what she’s had to deal with involving Kairi.
May I just ask, but how did Naminé become friends with Kairi in the first place? If she is indeed such a bitch, why would Naminé even consider being friends with her? I’m sure she is a smart enough girl to pull out of a friendship where she would have to deal with her “friends’” bitchiness before things got too messy for her.
Despite that, you portrayed Naminé and Roxas’ romance quite well, just the way you’ve written them together reminds me of why I like them as a couple.
There are a few nitpicks I do have to point out which was mainly due to either inconsistency of simple actions or just a few missing or unnecessary words:
“The boy folded his arms and pressed his head against them. He whipped out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, and almost immediately, it looked like he had nodded off to sleep.” If Roxas already crossed his arms how could he whip the sunglasses out? And if he’s folding his arms with his face still view, how can he press his head against them?
“only keeping her from fainting. Or swooning.” I’m pretty sure fainting and swooning is the same thing.
I really did enjoy the story, the descriptions you gave flowed nicely, the characters were portrayed beautifully and the story itself is well written. Just remember to maintain consistency and you’ll be right as rain. Thanks for sharing.
| Ella Inspired chapter 4 . 12/13/2010
I definitely liked your use of characters considering not everyone is to be liked.
However I did feel that Naminé’s personality when she confronted Kairi was a bit…much, but then again, you don’t really know a character’s true personality until they get angry.
Kairi’s own character was a bit much as well, I know you intended to bash her but if she was really a bitch, than why would Naminé agree to be friends with her in the first place?
Anyway, I know that this story is taken out of Naminé’s point of view, but Roxas wasn’t exactly around much during the story and even then you only allowed a certain amount of time to lapse before you took him out of the scene .i.e.: During the second chapter when he had to leave her to make the phone call to the cinema or whatever, as well as continuing on when the two went to the movies and met Kairi and Selphie, you mentioned he was there and that he tried to talk to her but that wasn’t exactly seen during the chapter.
I know again, that the story is in Naminé’s point of view, but I think Roxas should have been a little more… ‘there’ during the story.
I did like this story however; it’s well written and at least believable. I’d suggest working on your characters though, from their appearances to their personalities though I do also understand the need to make them OOC a little.
Good work nonetheless :)
| RealityKills chapter 4 . 7/12/2009
This was a really great story! I love Namine's character, and I hate how everyone calls her a witch! Not that I have anything against Kairi either, but I liked to see her pictured as the bad guy sometimes. She's always so perky and innocent, and even though I like her character a lot, I can see her playing this job on the story!
| mattjesse chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
Kairi, a bitch? That's new.
| Genesis chapter 4 . 7/7/2009
I thought the story was pretty good, i like happy endings :D and I wonder y when some1 writes a story about namine they make Kairi a bitch, I never understood that. Well I guess there has to be a bitch somewhere in a love story right ;) I enjoyed and you are friggin amazing ... It's a cat.
| XTwoHeartsX chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
Like it! XD
| SerenitySoldier97 chapter 1 . 1/15/2008
This is such a sweet story!
I absolutely LOVE it!
| DarkSanctuary59 chapter 1 . 11/10/2007
I like this! great job!
| Gotta Dance 88 chapter 1 . 10/9/2007
Geez, I just realized that I've had this story on my favorites list and never wrote a review! *whacks head*
Anyhoo, I LOVE THIS STORY!
| KingdomHikari13 chapter 1 . 8/17/2007
Wah! You stupid Hoe-biscuit Kairi! I HATE Kairi, (Grins sheeply) Opz, I'm not allowed sad those wordz... Anyway! Nice story! If I was Namine... It would be best not to tell... I'm nice but... I have a dark-side... Anywho! I loves a happy ending, well not really, I always think they're boring if there was a happy beganing... I mean, if you have a happy beganing what's the point? Ahem, in THIS story, Namine does NOT have a happy beganing.. So I lovez it! (Grinz) Wahh! I want Axel! My freakin' hands are froozen!
| Just for show chapter 1 . 7/31/2007
I acually like Kairi and Selphie,but at least Kairi and Sora r together!
Right lots more your a great writer!
| Hikari the Keyblade of Hope chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
The best fic I've read so far!
| Ellie-ellie chapter 1 . 3/10/2007
I love the cheesyness of it!
YAYAYAYAY for romance flicks!
| Butterfliedd chapter 1 . 3/7/2007
Wow, that was great. I loved the way you (falsely) portrayed Kairi and Selphie. The whole story was so real to me, thanks for writing such a fantastic fanfic. :D
| Nagasasu chapter 1 . 3/5/2007
Hey! Liked this Namixas bit you have here! It’s somewhat reminiscent of Serenade by numina namine (I think). However, if you don’t mind I have some red-penning for you (don’t hate me!).
First of all, you forgot to put the apostrophe in most of your contractions (i.e. I’m, don’t, can’t, those kind of things). Also, you forgot to put spaces after some of your punctuations (i.e. blah;blah). Some typos: “look at passerbiers” should be passer-byers I believe, “Selphie Gorgain (sophomore to)” should be too, “Later, lozer!” becomes loser, “ultra-mega-way hott” is hot, “And the lasy part” should read last part, “You’re on Candy Camera!” the actual show is Candid Camera, “returned to it’s right spot” should be its right spot, “liked most horrormovies” should be horror movies, “eaves dropping” has a hyphen, “We’ll probaly” probably, “plan evovled” evolved, “thier favorite things” their, “twist his black, and white” the comma is not necessary, “equipment that: makes” colon not needed, “tiny red Stilettoes” I believe Stilettos is wrong, “skiniest heel ever” skinniest, “comes to he middle” to the, “Twighlight Mall” twilight, “actaully belived” actually believed, “thet truth” the truth, “sudden confiedence” confidence, “her left shouler” shoulder, “lifeand Roxas” life and.