|Reviews for The Annals of Darkness: The Beginning|
| Norkix chapter 10 . 3/19
Hello! This series was recommended to me a loooong time ago, but I never got around to reading it. However, since I finally seem to have the patience for long fics (I binge read Fallout: Equestria XD) I figure I'll give this a shot! My normal policy is to review every chapter, but considering the length of this story and that it's so old, I'll spare you and review every five or ten.
Overall, I'm enjoying the story so far. Sora feels a little out of character, although I suppose at the time of your writing, this was considerably more in-character than it would be at this point in his development. I like your depiction of magic coming from within, as an extension of the imagination, as opposed to just shouting a word and making something explode. VERY interesting implementation of Roxas and Namine, thier banter with their somebodies makes for some great comic relief!
I'm always happy to see good grammar on this website, and you don't disappoint. You do have an odd habit of giving the next speaker an action in the previous paragraph and starting a new paragraph after that. I did that at one point as well, but I moved away from it because I thought it was disorienting when I read it back. I hope this habit disappears as the story goes on. The style of your writing is a little vapid compared to what I've been reading recently, but I can forgive it as this is very, very early stuff. I'm sure your writing will improve over time.
| JJ3030 chapter 27 . 3/11
Now I don't normally review on fancfiction (shyness, anxiety, and nervousness) but that but inside Riku's mind might have been the most hilarious thing I've ever read. It took everything I had not to lmao in class. Honestly Xehanort being there acting like they aren't even his enemies set me off immediately.
| guitarlover56784 chapter 14 . 2/3
really, scrurgify? Thats a spell from friggen harry potter!0
| Psycho Ray chapter 40 . 1/3
Oh my... I thought I had read great fictions. Well, I have, but I've never read such an epic fic. I'm just too astonished to find out that a 17 years old guy have wrote something I consider to be a real book. What the hell, I would put your book just below LOTR, ASOIF and Percy Jackson, for these are my favourites. And you had around 17, or less, idk, when you wrote this? And this epicness is THE BEGINNING?!
What are you, a genious? No kidding here.
Too bad you don't own KH.
| Venatorix chapter 27 . 7/15/2014
What I would think would be interesting is if in a Fanfiction natsu from fairy tail, axel from kh, mushy from Milan, and Richard from lfg all met... Pyromaniac paradise
| Venatorix chapter 24 . 7/14/2014
I love the spaceballs reference
| Guest chapter 17 . 1/7/2014
I had a feeling that sora would meet his dad
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/6/2014
No! F#cking! Way!
| TehZach1993 chapter 1 . 12/30/2013
Lovely story! My only problem with these Annals of Darkness stories so far have been a few things.
1. The trio doesn't seem to be as innocent and pure hearted as they are in the manga and games. I can't remember them killing anyone except heartless, it kinda surprised me a bit when in a lot of these fanfictions by a lot of authors they kill people as well. I just can't see Sora, Kairi, or even Riku killing anyone.
2. Kairi's personality. She seems a bit out of control to me, but that may be just me. Like in the Council of Elrond scene where she blatantly shows off in front of everyone. Tbh I don't think a responsible keyblade wielder would do that. And if she is going to use her chosen weapon over someone calling her a name, maybe she isn't worthy of it.
3. The power level of the keyblade wielders. It seems to be like they've been made into gods. I kinda have issue with that. I like to see keyblade ass kicking as much as the next guy but Sora and his friends aren't gods.
Anyway as for the rest of it its a phenomenal story! Keep up the good work!
| BlueAbyssHax chapter 5 . 10/6/2013
Looking back. How do you feel that the way you explain for Axel coming back, is actually pretty much the truth now?
| Guest chapter 7 . 8/20/2013
This was an amazing chapter and I enjoyed every minute of reading it!
| Benjamin Ellimist chapter 4 . 8/21/2013
Radnom comment. I just had to say that becaude being condemed isn't really on my to do list. Spoiler, but that was Axel. Or Lea. Or whatever the heck he wants to be called now. Called it! Sorry, ranomd, not normally how I do things but i really didnt want to be condemed. Anyway, later bro!
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/19/2013
This is a really good story, well done!
| SourPanda chapter 20 . 8/21/2013
NUUU y u no put Jesse Mccartney's songs TT
| The 666th necrophiliac chapter 40 . 7/27/2013
This one was defiantly an original. Defiantly stood out to me, there’s no question about that. I had mixed feelings about it, stemming from impressed to mildly irritated. Then again, all works are going to have parts the beholder will want to take or leave. First of all, I think I should start with a brief synopsis of the story.
We begin shortly after the events of Kingdom hearts 2. Sora and Riku have returned home, and are trying to fit back in to their regular lives. However, news soon arrives that Maleficent is still a threat, and King Mickey begins to train up our heroes. All is well until Maleficent attacks, forcing our heroes to separate and flee. In the attack, the Destiny islands are destroyed, and our hero’s families’ are murdered. This is defiantly a darker and edgier story than what some of the fandom may be used to. In the aftermath of this, King Mickey begins to put in motion plans to build an army to counter Maleficent, who has unlocked powers, the likes of which our heroes have never faced before. This takes up the rest of the story, our heroes hopping from world to world, fighting of Maleficent’s army of darkness, and all the while gathering friends and allies of their own.
Now, how does it stack up when one breaks it down? Well, let’s see.
Writing: 8 out of 10 (Excellent)
The writing of a piece can make or break it. Now, the writing of this, to be blunt, is fucking great. Especially for fan-fiction, which, let’s face it, doesn't have a very good record in this regard. Hell, with the level and skill that’s put into this, you wouldn't be surprised if the author done this for a living. That being said, it isn’t without its issues. Namely, the use of comers defiantly needs to be revised. Often, they’re missing when they should be used.
Structure: 7 out of 10 (Great)
The whole “go to world. Fight Heartless. Beat bad Guy. Fuck off” structure isn’t exactly original, yet Shire folk makes it original. Even though it’s still there, we aren’t given the problem of isolation from the rest of the story, a fault of which I myself am guilty. The overarching story keeps going, and each world visited adds to the overall story. However, the world at the end does drag on for a bit without adding too much as it goes that couldn’t have been done elsewhere. It was probably the slowest and weakest part of the work, and was what brought this score down.
Action: 9 out of 10 (Outstanding)
Overall, this is an action story, and so, naturally, the action needs to be both interesting and gripping. Does this get that? Put simply, yes, and then some. The action scenes are both thrilling and long. Sometimes too long. Occasionally, I found myself losing interest because of how long they dragged on for. That would be my complaint, yet aside from that, they really are magnificent. But, action isn’t all this has going for it, which brings me to…
Romance: 4 out of 10 (Mediocre)
For a work that’s labelled Romance, it isn’t really all that romantic. The relationship is established, and then… not much else. There’s a bit of fluff here and there, but we don’t really see the relationships progress too much. It wasn’t nearly prominent enough to justify it even being labelled romance. Now, this is an issue that plagues a lot of works similar to this. What people need to understand is that just because something has romance in it, that doesn’t make the story a romance. I mean, nearly any work has at least one romantic relationship, but if it isn’t prominent to the story, then it isn’t a romance. This is lucky, seeing as I don’t really think it was handled that well, as I mentioned before. Had I accepted it as a romance, chances are that it would have received a 3 (poor) or even a 2 (terrible.)
Plot: 6 out of 10 (Good)
As I mentioned before, the plot isn’t that original on paper, yet Shire Folk makes it original, though that doesn’t mean that it’s perfect. The main tension comes from two sources. Maleficent taking over the world to… um. To…uh. Take over the world? Maybe I’m biased since I never really liked Maleficent as a villain to begin with, but the whole “I’m evil” motivation never got me. They’re kind of a bore which naturally affects how the reader views their influence on the story. The other tension is of course, the prophecy. Now, the prophecy more or less says that a knight pure of heart will marry a princess of heart and have a kid who is pure of heart who will kill Maleficent, and naturally, more or less everyone assumes it to be Kairi. This, understandably, leads to no small amount of angst on Sora and Kairi’s part… and everyone else on the side of goodie-goodness. Why they naturally assume it to be Kairi, however, when the prophecy specifically said seventh princess, and thus refer to either Alice or any of them, is brought up by one or two characters, but I won’t go into that too much.
But, I can go one way or the other when it comes to the plot. What really matters to me is…
The good: 4 out of 10 (Mediocre) Now, we all know about the characters right, and in this, they’re more or less the same, except for Riku and Roxas, who are a little too upbeat compared to their cannon selves. Sora is a little less upbeat because of the whole “family dead and whole home destroyed” thing. Other than that, nothing ground-breaking is really done with them. No deconstruction of the effects of constant fighting and adventuring, or anything else along those lines.
The bad: 4 out of 10 (Mediocre) A good villain can make a story. Unfortunately, there aren’t many to choose from here that are really that interesting. All of them are, more or less, pretty two dimensional, except one, but they abandon pretty early on, which seems to acquit her sins in Sora’s eyes, then again, he was always too forgiving for his own good.
The um … uh … the others. (Yeah! Sweet save, me!) 6 out of 10 (Above-par) interestingly, the supporting cast was actually pretty well done, which isn’t something you often see that much. They all have unique personalities and have enough screen time for us to really get to know them. The level of their depth varies, though overall, they were an excellent addition to the piece.
Overall, characters score 5 out of 10 (Above par)
Other: 5 out of 10 (above-par)
The drama wasn’t exactly big, but it was there. I could empathies with the protagonists’ point of view, even if I didn’t agree with the problems or how they were going about resolving them. The humour, however, was a different case all together. Here’s an example “I thought we were going to make shrinkidinks. EVIL SHRINKIDINKS” I bashed my head against the keyboard at that one. The one in question does NOT MAKING MOTHERFUCKING SHINKIDINKS! HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE HANDS! Other humour wasn’t much better, and seemed really out of place, creating extreme mood-swings which really brought the story down.
Over all, I had mixed reaction to the bits and pieces, but overall, I’d say it deserves a good old score of…
Final score: 6 out of 10. (Good)
It’s a good and solid piece of fan-fiction, defiantly one of the better works on the site, but not without its problems that severely damaged the final score. Overall though, the good won over the bad, and it is well worth a look at. As the first part of a series, I’d say Shire Folk is well on the right track. I hope he keeps up the good work.