|Reviews for Scenes from Another Life|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/18/2013
its pretty good
| keybladedude chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
Interesting. i hope you continue!
| madnessman chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
now I may not be an excelent grammar dude (meaning my critique is useless) but it is well written and has an intersting premise so please continue with this
| anon chapter 1 . 1/2/2009
It's pretty good, but while you don't like or excel at dialog, it's absence makes a difference. You don't need alot, but what people say and don't say reveals alot about their character. Along those lines, this story is a lot of telling, but not alot of showing. Both require descriptive writing, but only one will truly immerse your reader into the milieu you create. Try showing more.
If dialogs is an issue, then an exercise you can try (not to be posted as this site has a no scripts rule) is to write it like a play. Don't worry about describing the scene, but try to tell a story through dialog. (or, try to develop characters through dialog.) Think Shakespear. He didn't spend too much time on describing scenery and less on action. Most of his words were what people said. It's just an exercise, and you need not do an entire story that way. Perhaps just a scene or a chapter or an act. To further your dialog skills, take the time to just sit and listen to strangers around you talk. Go to a coffee shop or something. Make note of how two casual people talk, what they say and don't say, how they say it, etc. Also, remember that different characters have different voices. This is more than just giveing them an accent. It's understanding the characters so well, you know their individuality in speaking.
As for knowing your characters, feel free to sit them down and interview them (in your head, of course, as they are fictional). By getting to know them (at least in figuring out their answers, motivations, etc) you'll have developed them in your own head and have a solid understanding of them. Hopefully well enough that their own voice can be heard as you think of what they would say and you know what to put down in the dialog parts.
A good story strikes a balance between descriptions of the setting, action, and dialog. Too much of one and not enough of another may weaken the story overall.
| Bill900 chapter 1 . 4/6/2008
I'm completely sincere when I say that you wrote a great story. You seem to be really good at descriptive writing, and the way you wrote the story works perfectly without dialogue. I can tell that you left it open for continuation and I really hope you do continue it; I like the idea and there aren't enough KeitaroMutsumi fics out there.
| Eiyuu Kou chapter 1 . 12/20/2007
Like you say, you are a pretty good descriptive writer. Some short stories don't have dialogue and even then are completely descriptive. This story can be expanded.
| shadowrunner65 chapter 1 . 8/26/2007
amazing story, and not one grammer mistake, I do hope you make this into a mult-chapter story, i'd like to read more
| Ruto Kuntai chapter 1 . 8/16/2007
Awesome story, it was well written. The grammer was top notch, there wasn't a single error in this entire story. Excellent detail as well, it was also interesting to read.
Great job with this work, I really liked it. Thank you for the job well done.
| brindani chapter 1 . 5/17/2007
Excellent start. This will truly change the dynamic of the dorm when the couple comes around. I would suggest adding more depth into the scenes and transitions, things changed rather dramatically from a lovely described snuggling section to them waking up in bed. It does make it feel a little less coherent that way.
I love the Mutsumi/Keitaro interaction, it was the definition of pleasant WAFF.
I greatly anticipate seeing how this works out,
| ShadowFangVII chapter 1 . 4/25/2007
i pretty much fell in love with it as i read it so please continue it
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 3/21/2007
Write more! Keitaro/Mutsumi is by FAR the most underused pairing in Love Hina, despite being one of the most natural and most interesting. Keitaro and Mutsumi enjoyed a natural chemistry whose presence I suspect was mostly designed simply to evoke interesting reactions from the other characters. Write more, anything more with this pairing and you WILL have readers. Thus far, I like the premise, although I'm not sure where you intend to go from here.
| one guy chapter 1 . 3/17/2007
A nice thing to read.
| HolyMoses chapter 1 . 3/16/2007
I think this is a great short story, but changes would have to be made if you were going to make it longer. I mean, Keitaro's already got his promise girl (His real on IMHO), so where to take this? What to do?
Anyways, my hats off to you for making a Mutsumi story. She's always in the background, but always so supportive of her. *thinks* Maybe someone should make one where she gets Kei instead of Naru. I'm sorry if that's bashing to those who like Naru, but if you have a problem with it then go let your spouse beat you and see how you like it. :P
| Major Mike Powell III chapter 1 . 3/16/2007
Hoo-rrah! Helluva job, soldier!
Very nice, fluffy and romantic first chapter.
Now, all you need is a plot, starting on chapter 2. See what are the Hinata Girls' reactions to Keitaro and Mutsu-chan being a couple.
And if there's any good ol' Naru-Bashin', then all the better! Hoo-rrah!
And about you not liking to write dialogues...well, all I'm tellin' ya is that it might be neccessary for this story, if yer gonna post a second chapter.
Keep it up, marine!
Semper-Fi! Carry on!
| Enigma-Nemesis chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
Great, GREAT story! One of the newer stories that has a LOT of potential, and Mutsumi is among my top 3 favourite Love Hina girls (the other two being Motoko and Kitsune). Please continue with this story, even if it's focused more on description over dialogue (besides, more dialogue isn't always better anyway ;D).
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