Reviews for that smile of his
KJtheELMtree chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
This. Is great.
-Beth M
harmonyforever12 chapter 1 . 10/29/2010
Wow! I like it. I suggest 'Stand in the Rain' by Superchick.
zebrasdancing chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
nice
Lielac chapter 1 . 9/19/2008
*snicker*

Nita's the skirt, Kit's the shoes.
Sworn Alliance chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
I'm a gamer nerd so this might be biased but I like the Sonic the Hedgehog soundtracks(his World/Live and Learn), that and The Legend of Zelda(anything really).
Noreht chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
It's good, but you need to decide on one tense, instead of skipping around. I do like it, and it is very good, but maybe you should make it sound less like you're talking.
Crazy Authoresses CAT and AMS chapter 1 . 12/30/2007
Wow. I love this hard-core. Very cute and fitting for Kit and Nita. And it rather makes me wish that I had used a crappy old pair of sneakers as one of Kit's horrible gifts in Birthday Wishes. XD Too awesome.

As far as songs for the i-pod, I suggest the soundtrack to Avenue Q if you haven't already heard of it. 11 out of 10 people who love crazy humor love it.

Anyhow, to summarize: Bravo!
Verdad-y-Vida chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
I came back to re-read this and thought of one more thing:

"Which she doesn’t, for she has decided that anything so fancy shmancy as this should be burned at the stake whilst celebrating loudly."

This line is ambiguous. You can't tell whether it's Nita, or it's the article of clothing who's supposed to be celebrating. Just FYI.

Write more!
Verdad-y-Vida chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
I came back to re-read this and thought of one more thing:

"Which she doesn’t, for she has decided that anything so fancy shmancy as this should be burned at the stake whilst celebrating loudly."

This line is ambiguous. You can't tell whether it's Nita, or it's the article of clothing who's supposed to be celebrating. Just FYI.

Write more!
maple the wacky tree chapter 1 . 8/11/2007
aw. it's so sweet! i'll think of this next time i get a truly ugly and disgusting gift. :)

something like that . . .
browneyednerd chapter 1 . 7/15/2007
This is a good story and they seem really in character. On a different note, "Extraordinary" by Liz Phair is really good.
Verdad-y-Vida chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
Hey,

This had some really nice elements. I'd say you have some real talent. Keep writing.

I do have one or two suggestions, though.

First off, you've got a great vocabulary—which is wonderful, don't get me wrong. And with stories that have this one's tone, it can be perfect to really have some fun with your words. Just remember that most things are best in moderation. I would have to say you're overdoing your language slightly...just keep in mind that one well-placed word can have more impact on your reader than a whole slew of them.

Secondly, I'd suggest being a bit more careful with your editing. Though yours is better edited than about ninety percent of the fan-fictions I've read, it still has a reasonable number of typos. Oh—by the way, you were switching back and forth between present and past tense. Were you doing that intentionally? I know that things like that can be a stylistic thing, but if it was on purpose, I'd have to say it didn't quite work for me.

Please don't be bothered by anything I've said. I think you have some real potential. Mostly when I review stories, I don't ever get to this level of advice! The stories just don't have good enough bones.

Good luck with your writing!
Adi Sagestar chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
i likes it
Froggyh chapter 1 . 3/30/2007
I really like this story ... mildly humourous and quite sweet. I can also see Nita wearing something like that, far more than I can see her wearing some kind of run-of-the-mill outfit like you see in so many other fanfics. Very good!
second daughter of eve chapter 1 . 3/26/2007
i like it, espially the bangs thing. And for your i-pod, get Carrie Underwod. she rocks!
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