|Reviews for Return|
| Anonymous chapter 3 . 8/3/2007
Simply put: moe please.
| Luigi the Sith chapter 3 . 4/26/2007
| Killer Chocobo chapter 3 . 4/15/2007
AWESOMENESS. I love this, as well as your other fics. Keep up the good work! _
| Arisu Tsuranu chapter 3 . 4/10/2007
O.o Hooked. Update soon!
| i like vader lots chapter 3 . 3/31/2007
*snicker* you are swesome, i love your fics.
| i like vader lots chapter 2 . 3/31/2007
XD ASCHxNATALIA FTW!
excpet when JxA is involved.
| SoldierSteak chapter 1 . 3/23/2007
Meh. It's alright, but this Soldier's got some criticism. And by some, I mean you might as well cancel your dinner plans, 'cause I feel like insulting and reviewing (Which are pretty much the same to me).
The writing style is very generic - there's not much detail. A good story should have more actual text - about 3-to-2 - than quotes. Also, whenever you want to label whoever is speaking (Ex. "..." Luke said."), simply saying "said" and "ask" makes the story sound repetitive, and reusing the same words is one of the most annoying mistakes you can do. So next time, try to spiff up how you're addressing who is speaking by constantly changing talk-words (Screamed, roared, replied, grumbled, sighed, etc).
Online Thesaurus will be your best friend. Well, not so much a friend but as someone you just met and are having repeated motel visits with for several days on end until you're done. Yeah, analogies.
Also, as a final note; Asch seems a bit OOC. One thing is that he seems much, much nicer and humane. In the game, he was more or less rude and defiant until you-know-what. Also, you should develop on why exactly he'd go back to his parents. Didn't the game have a scene on that? Think about it; Asch has lived as a soldier for seven years. Having him become a royal heir would definately be a new and strange experience to him seeing as how he forsakened it when he was a kid. I'm not sure he'd be so lenient to go back. Also, him and Luke? Brothers? I can tell you that Asch would *never* say that; even after all those lovey-dovey relationship development one, he has his pride as the original to think about. Also, even after Luke defeats him on Eldrant, Asch was pretty much, "Yeah, I'll help you... You're still a pussy-ass bitch, though." He'd still be weary of Luke - It's heavily hinted at that he truly hated Luke, even until the end, and there wasn't really anything Luke could ever do to be rid of it.
The idea of the story itself is interesting and should be touched on, but the execution could be so much better. You simply need to work on tiny problems that group together to form a big giant pain in your butt. Hey, you should be happy I went through all of that reviewing D: . THANKXPLZ
| LatyfeSurLeSora chapter 3 . 3/23/2007
Um, chapter 2 was nice but how come chapters 1 and 3 are the same?
| LatyfeSurLeSora chapter 1 . 3/22/2007
I want an update please, I really like this and it just started.
| i like vader lots chapter 1 . 3/17/2007
OMFG HAPPIENESS! *grabs asch* he be so hot...if only there was JxA in this then I would like it even more!