|Reviews for Invisible|
| indiefilms chapter 5 . 3/25/2010
Good to know Suichi's mom was understanding to the situation at hand. Detailed moments while Suichi was tending to the Kasumi's bruises. The LOUD arguments between Suichi and Youko were hilarious. It was good how Suichi kept telling Youko to basically shut up and keep his overactive hormonal gestures to himself. LOL... Youko, for sure, needs a hormone check. He also needs to get his head out of the gutter. Hiei did really well explaining things and setting Youko straight.
| indiefilms chapter 4 . 3/25/2010
Well detailed on every corner, almost paragraph after paragraph- from the interiors of the different domiciles, to the movements and mannerisms of the characters right to the internal thoughts of Kusumi. Good job. Nice to know she is healing faster and better from the seemingly herbal concoctions.
| indiefilms chapter 3 . 3/24/2010
You did good explaining her pain, piece after piece when she awoke and the pain medications wore off. It must have been quite a relief to her when she didn't have to make breakfast for the first time. Plus, it was good to see her have a peaceful uneventful sleep for a change- something she hadn't gone through for a long time. The flashbacks will be tough for her though- causing her to relive events thus causing twitches, sleepless nights, panic attacks and weeping spells- depending on the patient. Still though, now begins her healing process and I'm more than sure she wants to heal more than anything. Plus, Suichi will be the one to assist in this, along with his friends. She is definitely now in the right environment.
Good descriptions of the surroundings and movements of each character. looks like the beginning of quite a romance between Kusami and Suichi. He certainly has all the right attributes of what a real man should be like towards a woman he's into. He's mature, assertive, responsible and self sacrificing. Excellent. Truly excellent. He's got my vote.
| indiefilms chapter 2 . 3/24/2010
Quite the painful experience Kasumi explained in detail. Painful to read.
| indiefilms chapter 1 . 3/24/2010
""If ya were doin' the fuckin' laundry, then why didn't ya wash the fuckin' couch covers with them, you worthless whore?" he roared, backhanding his daughter. Kasumi stumbled and fell against the wall. She didn't have time to move before he had her by the arm and threw her to the floor. Then, before she could even think to run, she felt a crushing pain in her side as her father kicked her. She just felt relief that he had taken his steel toed boots off before sitting at the table. She was out of breath for a few seconds and tears brimmed in her eyes. Then she felt her father grab her by a handful of hair and drag her to her feet." ...THIS hit a nerve.. Put me in the room with the man and I would give him a serious whipping. I would give him something to DRINK about, followed by something to cry about.
"Outside the school, they saw her headed for the street, taking her usual route to head for home. Kuwabara wasn't going to have it, this time. He charged forward. "Kasumi!" He quickly cut her off, and she stopped dead in her tracks. "What's wrong with you today? How come you've been avoidin' us and you never..." As Shuichi and Yusuke watched, as well as an approaching Hiei, they saw Kuwabara's eyes go huge as he looked at the girl who had looked up in surprise at his action of cutting her off. "Ho-lee SHIT! Kasumi, who did this to you?"
Shuichi and Yusuke were there as well, and their own eyes went wide when they saw what their friend had. And Suichi felt Youko seething with anger instantly. Kasumi's right eye was sealed shut, and was covered with a huge shiner that extended down to her cheekbone and up to her eyebrow." Yes, her dad definitely needs a visit. It was good how you built the suspense by showing the reactions of Kasumi's friends beforehand and then mentioning the wounds on Kasumi. That more often than not builds the reader's or viewer's mode of curiosity as to what is being looked at and what the shocked parties are seeing before the reader/viewer sees for themselves.
"I beg to differ. Whether you like it or not, Kasumi, the three of us consider you a friend... and friends do not let friends suffer behind closed doors..." Good statement and is more often than not quite true. To those who need caring friends like the ones Kasumi has they are certainly a priceless commodity to have.
It was good how she explained the daily procedure of what she goes through and why she doesn't want the police involved. This is good: "Kuwabara's hands were balled into fists now, and he was struggling to control his anger. "That... isn't your responsibility! It's like he's the kid and YOU'RE the parent! Except your a parent who's getting the crap kicked outta you because the kid's not getting his own way!" lol... AGREED.
"Suichi smiled at her, reaching into his bag. "I have just the thing for that eye, by the way. I know a great deal about the healing properties of plants, and put this together for you this morning," he said, taking out a small container with a cream of some sort inside." Good move on his part. He made her a priority over anything else. Agreed.
"She almost snorted. "My dad spends it all on strippers and booze for his buddies after work. If I didn't go in his wallet after he passes out, we'd be in serious trouble." LOL... What a scum bag- more of a doosh bag. What an irresponsible perverted SLOB he is.
"He almost didn't recognize her. There was a cold rain falling from the sky, so her hair hung in wet mats. Her face was black and blue. She was holding her side while trying to breathe in short gasps. Her legs were trembling, straining to keep her up.
When she lifted her head and her eyes met Suichi's, tears started streaming down her cheeks. Kasumi was standing on his front step... hurt, and very afraid." Tension builds when the viewer/reader is helpless to stop the onslaught of violence in a story or film when dealing with abuse. Suichi approached the matter correctly when he calmly said that he has to call the police. He said the words gently and appropriately with compassion and/or understanding. Quite the tense chapter in some parts.
| White Fire Phoenix chapter 5 . 12/23/2007
This is a vary wanderful story and I hope you update soon because I would like to know what happens next.
| The Adventures of chapter 5 . 7/28/2007
poor kurama having to eal with a horny yoko, that must be hard, no pun intended.
| Conflicting Lies chapter 5 . 7/27/2007
Omg I absolutly love this story I was basically crying the first four chapters you should definatley keep it up and pdate soon.
| Dr Antithrax chapter 1 . 6/11/2007
Well dang, I'm honestly surprised. I thought this would be a lame emo-fest that I'd stop reading after half a chapter. Man was I wrong, so far this is a fantastic read! Dark wit ha touch of humor, brilliant. Lawl, Kurama running in fear of being molested.
| Kurama'srose124 chapter 4 . 6/9/2007
You... are... EVIL! I want more! update soon! RAWR! XD
| The Adventures of chapter 4 . 6/4/2007
haha 'hands on' i'm sure youko loved that.
| XShootingStarX chapter 3 . 6/3/2007
Argh that bastard father! Kurama's in love XD update soon!
| The Adventures of chapter 3 . 6/2/2007
yay! you updated! *dances*
| losttoday604 chapter 3 . 6/2/2007
This story is really sad. Ireally do like it alot. Keep up the great work!
| Kurama'srose124 chapter 3 . 6/2/2007
XD nice hehehe I hope you update soon