|Reviews for Tales of The Cosmic War vol 1 A Hero's Evolution|
| Piccolo Sky chapter 12 . 10/14/2011
Hmm...another title I might have thought up for this one is, "With Friends Like These...", but that one's overused anyway.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 11 . 10/8/2011
Thank you very much for having the villain get cut off in the middle of their endless boasting. Although I'm probably guilty of it in my own stories quite a bit, I despise overconfident villains. The worst part is, you never get the satisfaction when they finally get their comeuppance. They usually just die within a few instants and you don't get to hear them suffer or panic or watch all of their arrogant boasts blow up in their face as they slowly die...
Sorry, that was not only rambling, but a bit sadistic. Anyway, still reading.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 9 . 9/4/2011
Alright, I still think the story is improving. I notice it's got some humor in it now that is pretty effective. (My own humor usually falls pretty flat...) Obviously, there's a lot of story to go, so I'm not sure how much things will continue to change, but a few things...
One is that you should watch the method of assigning dialogue to characters. Somebody might view that as "script format", and then you might get your story removed from . (This is more of a "be cautious" than anything.) It shouldn't be too hard to fix if you pick just the right word. Just adding another word and some symbols. For example:
" Cloud- be careful, everyone, this could be hostile territory, it might even be where Vile ran off to, so be alert.
"Be careful, everyone." Cloud warned. "This could be hostile territory. It might even be where Vile ran off to, so be alert."
Another thing that I've been noticing that's been sticking with me is that the entire story seems to be written in the present tense. Traditionally, story descriptions are written in the past tense. It sounds better that way. Once again, as an example...
a small figure approaches Ben and his squad. The figure is the size of a midget and wears brown clothes, he has green skin and is holding a lantern.
A small figure approached Ben and his squad. The figure was the size of a midget and wore brown clothes. He had green skin and held a lantern.
Criticisms aside, this story is shaping out well. It kind of reminds me of "The Clone Wars" rather than "Kingdom Hearts". I'm not sure if that was your intention or not.
| Piccolo Sky chapter 5 . 9/3/2011
Sorry it's taken me so long to get officially started, but now I'm definitely reading it.
Yeah, I'm seeing an improvement from earlier chapters. I haven't read the rewritten chapters, but it seems you got the idea that it's far more interesting to read conversations that happen rather than just having the conversations "summed up". That's not to say you want to write out every bit of dialogue in a story, as you probably know. But it's definitely a more personal element. Otherwise, the story seems like someone is just giving you the "brass tax" rather than letting you enjoy it for yourself. So good job on that.
I also noticed a marked decrease in "inside author's notes". Rather than simply putting in asides in parentheses, you're working background information into the story more clearly. I hope to see that keep up.
Perhaps my memory fails, but I don't recall a Colette... Perhaps she's from one of the "Tales" games I didn't play, since I only played "Tales of Phantasia". Hmm...Yggdrasil becomes an enemy in that series? That's interesting...since according to myth if you kill her you in turn destroy the world...
| Keyblader Chad chapter 60 . 7/25/2010
well these were great revised chapters. as i said in the previous reviews, they definitely help give a clearer picture of the beginning. heh i was going to suggest editing the first chapter to tell people that the upgraded versions are at the end but you were way ahead and have already done that.
heh comparing these to your latest chapter really does show how far the characters have come. how much tougher Ben has become and how most of his naive attitude is gone now that he's been through the trials of war.
i honestly forgot just how much characters have changed, looking back at how laid back and happy Doug was in this story and these revised chapters and then looking at his outlook on life in the recent chapters really shows how much his character development has came along.
i still can notice elements of his present-day attitude in this story and revised chapters though. which is good because it fits with how Gouken described Doug in recent chapters and shows that it was always there, just deepened over time.
and of course these revised chapters also show the difference and evolution of Ezan's character.
Above all the key parts to look at for character developments and to compare to your recent chapters is definitely Brad and Lacus. to see how long Brad has been playing this 'Long Game.'
Also to see the vast difference between the lacus of this story and present-day lacus.
anyway, got to say...Ben knows how to make an entrance to a party. also enjoyed this revised version of the fight against Gilgamesh (and the reference to Cell, heh poor Gilgamesh)
Well to sum up, definitely great revised chapters, helps give new readers a clearer picture of the story to come.
keep up the great work on the third volume, can't wait for more. the only thing i'm curious now is to what your plans are for once Cosmic Wars is done.
| Severine Halo chapter 1 . 7/21/2010
this is pretty freaking awesome. anybody who's anybody is in even mario. i know i have a long way to go, but i shall continue to read more.
| Doug chapter 60 . 7/17/2010
The last of the revised chapters, pretty good note to leave it off on. Can't wait for the continuation of Volume 3.
Keep up the good work.
| mangagor chapter 60 . 7/17/2010
EEEEY! I'M FINALLY HOME! And I have started somewhat on my next chapter already. anyhow fantastic work! Doug's quote and kick-the-radio-so-it-switches-songs is a move I'll be sure to borrow if you mind. otherwise i don't have much else to say great work and hope that the next chapter comes out soon "runs around in excitement"
| Doug chapter 59 . 7/15/2010
An interesting revision, once again, it really shows how far characters like Ben and Doug have grown. Reading it over again really makes that well known :D
Keep up the good work dude.
| mangagor chapter 59 . 7/11/2010
HEY! i finally have access to internet again. you have done a superb job remaking this arc, and the up reference made me lol. anyhow seeya next time. keep up the good work!
| Doug chapter 58 . 7/4/2010
Another good revision, definitely a lot more detailed and better than your original version. But hey, that's half of what makes progress, right? It's interesting to read this revision, because as Chad says, the development really shines for Ben and Doug, who have changed much since the beginning of the story.
I also dig the vague similarities between Doug and Brad, one could view that as foreshadowing, going by where Doug's mindset has led him in Volume 3.
Keep up the good work :D
| Keyblader Chad chapter 58 . 7/3/2010
oh you're right, i did accidentally put Blue in my last review. that's what i get for reviewing immediately after finishing my own chapter, still had it on my mind lol.
anyway another great revised chapter, gives us a better first look at the starts to war and of course 'havoc drashid'.
also great to see Nightmare's first appearance too now in a more developed and detailed way. the Mr. Burns cameo is an entertaining addition...one might even say "...excellent".
also...heh a movie star called John Ruse jumping up and down on a sofa throwing a tantrum? sounds like a Tom Cruise parody to me.
Well anyway keep up the good work, looking forward to the next few as this is where Ben's destiny begins truly.
| Keyblader Chad chapter 57 . 7/2/2010
ow, ow, ow! hey! call your digimon off! goddamn godmodder omnimon. i'm here, i'm here.
Right then! lovely three chapters so far, it really has made it so much more greater.
Now we can see the character development even more and see how Blue's meeting goes with all other heroes.
these revised chapters really are showing what you intended, how far the characters have come.
Ben and doug especially are the ones these revised chapters are showing the development of well and how much they changed later on.
other bonuses this revision has had is showing us Ben's first confrontation with Brad and the shock at Lacus relationship with him much more clearer and better. really helps set the future chapters up well.
good idea on moving the war to after Ben's joining...Ben's worry is perfect as he wasn't expecting a war, though he was prepared to be a hero, he wasn't expecting anything to happen just yet.
moving that war has benefitted the story well since now it's got Ben joining for the sake of his dreams and hopes and now having to realise he's in over his head already.
definitely will help introduce people to Ben's 'never give up' attitude early, even with being thrown into a war unexpectedly.
Well anyway keep up the great work on these revisions, their brilliant so far.
| Captain A chapter 57 . 6/30/2010
I see what you've done here-you've taken the "death" of Ansem and the ascension of Weil to the leadership of Zeon from before the start of the series to shortly after Ben joins the Enji. The question is, though-and with as much due respect as possible-how exactly does this make the story "flow better"?
| Doug chapter 57 . 6/26/2010
Great nostalgic run man, good job on this revision! Gives a good allusion to how good of synergy Ben, Doug and James have.