|Reviews for Doubt|
| friendrat chapter 33 . 6/19
I understand your disappointment with the lack of continuity in the show. It is an unfortunate flaw in most if not all 80's shows (look at Thundercats, Jem... The list goes on), I think it was some network rule or something. That being said, I liked how you pulled the show together (even if parts were a little predictable). I was disappointed by a lack of Spirit/Swiftwind. He doesn't really get to live up to his potential in the show either (I would love to see him pull a Jewel).
Also, if I'm following this right, DarkHope is comprised of the 14 first ones (Razzella is part of him, later revealed to be a copy of Red 11). So, the part that bothered me is that they wanted a perfect universe without any touch of evil to corrupt it, but then they split themselves (their energy, their power?) into two beings (LightHope and DarkDespair) one of who's job was stated to be to assist the spread of evil (the others job being to assist good), to see which was stronger in the universe. So they kind of put evil there, thereby forcing themselves to eventually destroy the universe because they broke their own criteria. That was how i understood it least ways...
My only advice would be find a way to show that someone is thinking (such as italics), it was sort of difficult to read when someone started thinking in the middle of a paragraph. I sometimes had to reread a paragraph two or three times to get where the transition was.
| friendrat chapter 30 . 6/18
While Hordak using the sword of Dragoth was a good plot point, it was kind of predictable... He was the only one who logically could.
| Vanessa Masters chapter 17 . 5/24/2013
Oh. Bow has deep feelings for Adora, I always liked that about him, he seemed a honest and decent sort. Not braggy, but genuine in his care for others.
| Vanessa Masters chapter 15 . 5/24/2013
Interesting. The Clay mud creature that absorbed Adora's powers and her abilities., and personality too.
| Change-Of-Heart2 chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
Just spent 4-5 hours reading this story from start to finish. Hope you don't mind, but I now consider this to be how the series should have ended. They didn't give us one, but you gave me one exciting adventure that had me crying at the end. Thanks.
| Vanessa Masters chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
Cool Fic. I liek it :D
| Sreya chapter 33 . 6/26/2012
I know this is an older story of yours, but I just found this and absolutely LOVED it! I watched the show as a little girl in the 80s, and I got such a kick out of seeing the way you wrapped up the series. I was particularly impressed with your development of Hordak and his relationship with Adora.
I also checked out your DeviantART account. It looks like you're really gearing up to work on animated shows, and I think you'd be great at it. I was actually thinking as I read the story that parts were very reminiscent of the Japanese anime style.
Overall, just wanted to let you know that this was an incredible story, and I'm so glad I found it.
| Garnet Sky chapter 33 . 2/18/2011
Finally got to finish reading this and I have to applaud you for a job well done.
| ThankfulOne chapter 33 . 3/1/2010
Great story dude, a thrilling ride! The conclusion was sad, but hopeful. You rarely see fics about Hordak so this is a nice change, overall it was just an awesome story!
| Delora2047 chapter 33 . 11/1/2009
A moving and worthy ending.
Good luck for your future writing.
| Delora2047 chapter 32 . 11/1/2009
Wow, Bow finally learns humility, and Entrapta is saved.
Note on fight scenes: Generally, what draws the reader in is the characters' tension, fear and courage, so it is good to mix the actual description with emotions.
| Delora2047 chapter 31 . 11/1/2009
I actually liked Adora revealing her secret of her own account. It is different from all the other stories where people figure it out through an accident.
| Taipan Kiryu chapter 22 . 9/13/2009
Shadow, sorry, Void, Weaver revealing her face! That was a moment I always looked forward to see in the cartoon. Thank you for fulfilling that dream through fanfiction.
I also applaud what you did with Madame Razz. She was a character that always deserved more, and certainly she was hidding some amazing powers beneath her careless façade.
This story is progressing so well! I don’t have much time to read but I’m doing my best to keep the pace. I saw you finished it, so time for evil cliffhangers is over, yay!
By the way, I took a look at your deviantart account… it is breathtaking!
| Asher Tye chapter 33 . 9/7/2009
That was pure AWESOME-SAUCE! *squeel*
Sorry, been watching too much of Bat-Mite. XD
No but seriously that was a great battle with the First Ones, and a brilliant use of Chekhov's Gun; or should I say Ship. ;-) The fight was fantastic, especially how you made sure neither Hordak or She-Ra were left on the sidelines. They worked together very well, showing off that special connection their shared history gives them. That Hordak got to be the one to deliver the "You Suck" speech to the First Ones was priceless.
The epilogue brought a tear to my eye. Hordak has been forgiven by Adora and is now off to set right what he once helped go wrong. Very heartwarming. You've pulled off an excellent version of the villainous redemption story. Of course I still think Hordak shows up anywhere near Eternia before Randor dies and there's gonna be hell to pay regardless.
Bow's character development came along rather suddenly, and I wish you'd had more time to explore it, but it did come across very well. The hot-headed archer realizing that being a hero is being where one is needed over being where the action is was very well done, as was his revelation about his own abilities. Bow is by no means a loser, but compared to She-Ra and Hordak, he wouldn't hold his own against the First Ones.
I can't imagine how hard it was for you to decide to kill off your own creations rather than give them Big Bad status. I'm not sure if I'd have been willing to sacrifice a villain like Magi-Tek, even for a cosmic horror like Dark Hope. Of course the neatest part of this whole scheme was how, from my perspective at least, the heroes owe their survival to each of the Unholy Kings in turn. (Granted Arach-Arach's contribution came in a somewhat backhanded way but still.)
The story seemed very well plotted out, with none of the open contradicitions you sometimes expect from fanfiction.
Now comes the bad part. I try not to give criticism of writing until the end of a story, just in case the author is trying something new with it. Still I couldn't help noticing you had a tendency in this story to monologue about the characters' thoughts and then have them expound on them. This was especially glaring during fight scenes when the action seemed to get put on hold so that you could talk about the characters, such as when Hordak fought Arach-Arach, She-Ra fought Dragora, and particularly when Magi-Tek fought Razella Redmoon. It could get just a bit distracting, particularly when the action really got going.
I fall into that trap too at times, so I can see how easy it is, especially when you're trying to set a mood for new characters, and you had five to work with (six if you count Horde Prime, who gets such little cannon character development he almost qualifies as an OC when he appears in fanfiction). The fact that, after the audience got to learn all this information about what was going through the character's mind and why they were acting on it, the character then started acting and speaking in such a was as to re-iterate it, giving the segment a feeling of redundancy. In all honesty, cutting the redundant parts would probably cut this story by an eighth of its length (not terrible, but noticeable). I think the mood and points you were trying to make would have been better made had you used the characters' interactions rather than provide a monologue to the audience. While the case can be made that not everyone reading this is as familiar with the franchise characters as a hardcore fan, just dropping all this information about a character interrupts the flow of the story. Better to let the audience infer what's going through a character's mind than force it on them. And if you still feel the need to hammer the point home, there's always the heroic/villainous speech.
In short though, this story was quite exciting and I'm very happy to have read it. That there won't be a sequel is saddening, but I can understand the desire to move onto other works. At the very least you finished this story, which is more than most authors on this site can say (myself included). I can just see Frosta tagging along to Eternia with Adora just to get another shot at hitting on He-Man. XD Still, I look forward to your Beast Wars work. Ciao for now.
PS. What, no "Find Loo-Kee" morals corner to end the show with? 83
| The Gandhara chapter 4 . 9/5/2009
This is very good plot idea, making the rebels question She-ra.
And after reading this chapter I couldn¡t help but picture Hordak with a big 'IDIOT' stamp on his face. He had the chance to know his enemie's biggest secret and he destroyed it wiyhout even knowing because he could restrain himself. Sucker!