Reviews for Hit List
rebecca.thompson1 chapter 28 . 10/27/2015
Not really sure what to say. Wow...about sums it up. A very well-written story that caused me to let my phone die multiple times to see what would happen next. Looking forward to starting on th sequel.
westsea chapter 28 . 10/22/2015
Okay, hey.

I love this. I wasn't here for the first version, or whatever, but I loved the way you incorporated the characters from the actual game into this, even though I had to look up the Phantom Hourglass ones because I haven't played that. But the thing is, in the middle of it, with Zelda's in-head voice thing, I was expecting the voice to be all King-of-Red-Lions-ey. So when you said it was a girl...

Mayhap you could change it so that people know? I don't even remember if you wrote it; I'm assuming you didn't because obviously I don't remember it, but I'm a really fast reader, so it may be my fault. But if you could just check on that?


I was very interested in it until about five chapters to the end, in which I ate dinner. It was slow going for the rest of the story, but it never failed to kill me with boringness. The plot was great and the character of Midna and Sheik was great! I loved Aryll's spunk too, it made me really happy to see her as a kind of main character in a story.

Link and Zelda. You probably know where I'm going with this. Ships, Link, and Zelda. They all go together, blah blah. Most of the time it's just some sappy romance story about how Link saves Zelda from Ganon (would the correct name be Ganondorf?) and then when Ganondorf's dead Link and Zelda kiss and the end. I absolutely love the incorporation of other ships in this. Link and Zelda is minor compared to Sheik x Midna, Aryll x Colin, Kafei x Anju. It really drew my attention away from the ship and made me focus on this story instead, pleasantly surprising me at the end.

Sorry for writing an essay on this, but I loved it. I finished it in a day and tomorrow I'm going to start on From the Dust. Keep writing!

TacoKing23 chapter 19 . 9/29/2015
Well, despite my pickiness about the stuff in chapter 16, this was a fantastic, fantastic story. Incorporating all the characters and game elements you did into a modern setting, and making it all work together, was impressive. It was well-paced, and the action was great. I love how you made the characters act real. These kids, regular high school kids, most of whom have no experience with guns, end up fighting and in some cases killing their attackers, and they don't just shrug it off and keep going. They feel it, they get hit by what they've done. I am really just more impressed with this whole story than I can explain after twenty hours without sleep. Be assured, I am looking very much forward to the sequel.
TacoKing23 chapter 16 . 9/29/2015
“The only reason Collin and Ralph still lived was because all three were facing back the way they came from, firing randomly at their pursuers. Two held pistols, but the third carried a glock; a one-handed machine pistol. He was providing the cover fire for his comrades, and if the shouts echoing from down the hall were any indication, the Police were being prevented from advancing because of it.”

Some things: Glock is not a TYPE of gun, it is a BRAND of gun; Glock Ges.m.b.H. manufactures a variety of pistols. The one you're talking about is the G18, and while it IS a machine pistol, it is virtually impossible to obtain one as a civilian. In addition, due to its crazy-fast firing rate (around 1100-1200 rounds per minute), it would be both insanely difficult to control, so the cops would barely have to worry about getting shot by it, and it would burn through the kid's ammo in about a second, assuming he had the full-sized 33-round magazine. Even if he had several of these magazines, he'd still run out in less than a minute. The two kids with regular pistols would be MUCH better off providing the covering fire. And, as I initially mentioned, they could very well be carrying Glocks as well. In fact, it's likely: The semi-automatic Glock 19 is one of the most common pistols on the planet, if not THE most common.

Also, who is Zelda Harkinian? Collin's dad asks if that's who Collin was talking about, but you went with Nohansen as Zelda's last name, so I am not sure whether there is another Zelda, or if you got the name mixed up.

Also also, when Link goes beast with that fire extinguisher: Yeah, at least three of those kids would have been killed instantly. The one he knocked in the chin MIGHT have survived, provided his neck wasn't broken, but all the other attacks Link used, with a bloody FIRE EXTINGUISHER, would definitely have been incredibly fatal. Those things are very heavy, even the small ones, and the parts of their skulls he hit were all the weakest parts of the human skull. And if he left the extinguisher dented, then yeah. Their heads are mush.
Libby8980 chapter 19 . 9/17/2015
OMG THIS WAS AMAZING! Im definitely checking out the sequel! Right now!
Ynot364 chapter 5 . 9/15/2015
Poor Minda… I had really hoped that this would have been prevented. But I guess not.
Anyways enough tried. I really like it so far even though its really dark and depressing.
Aryll Jaynn chapter 19 . 8/7/2015
This story was absolutely incredible! I really love the way you wrote it and how it featured the point of views of so many different characters! I also liked the characters' relationships with one another and how they interacted (I actually paired Aryll and Colin in my own story, too; what a coincidence!). The whole environment of the story felt so real, and I could actually imagine all the scenes playing out in my head and the entire journey through it was incredibly intriguing. Overall, I really enjoyed this story and can't wait to read the sequel!
afternoon rain chapter 19 . 7/31/2015










okay but srsly, initial freakin out aside, just wanna say that i absolutely love the way you tied things in with one another (prime example: the phone in auru's room bc holy shit i practically screamed when zelda pulled that out omg A from me) Just wanna ask, did u plan that out or did it sorta happen? lol

Also, the plot was great. I loved the setting and idea. Kinda curious about how Zelda's last name turned into Harkinian near the final chapters tho

and the action scenes omg i am so in love pls teach me

From a (not-so-great (ie. me)) writer to a (better (ie. u)) writer, one thing that slightly peeved me was characterisation? I would have maybe written their mannerisms a but differently, but that might just be me? Im kinda curious tho as to why you showed the characters' disposition the way you did.

All in all, this was an incredibley enjoyable read, and i just want to thank you for it (and for making it so zesty lol haha damn)
Kanassa chapter 17 . 7/19/2015
Kanassa chapter 15 . 7/19/2015
Pfft, fools! Don't they realise that the greatist weapon in the world lies on the desk of the classroom!? THE STAPLER WILL SAVE US!

Also, good chapter
Kanassa chapter 8 . 7/19/2015
I feel like the first few chapters should of been focusing on Sheik's life before all of this went down, to explain his motivation more and show why the hell he didn't go to his friends about it. But still, good bro bonding moment... kind of :D
Kanassa chapter 6 . 7/19/2015
Daruina was just resisting to say ''Link! It's dangerous to go alone, TAKE THIS!''
Axcel chapter 17 . 5/9/2015
Teen Ganondorf doesn't make sense because he is never killed, only sealed. I think he used his piece to make himself truly immortal to the point of being unkillable. The only time he dies is in the past of OoT after the game when he is executed. Besides, he is always a full-grown man when Link and he fight.

Also, Ganon is Ganondorf's big demon form. I was expecting him to take this form after hitting the ground, since he transforms during his fights when he is "killed" (usually).
Guest chapter 17 . 4/12/2015
This is one of the best stories I have ever read its perfect you get a 10/10 for this I will forever remember this story and will comeback to read it when I want to read a good story.
Guest chapter 19 . 4/4/2015
It's that was amazing. And how Ganondorf rose again was actually unexpected but I liked it. The whole thing...the way you placed your words and made the characters come to was fantastic. Best story I've ever read...I was so into it, the so many plots and each character had their own wittiness, the speech, at the was...perfect, and that's saying a lot because nothing in this world is perfect but it was definitely perfect. Now I dunno what to do with my life now that it took a whole week out of me. Now I'm done. You're amazing, keep writing and never stop :D
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