|Reviews for A Sealed Innocence|
| flam2 chapter 2 . 6/1/2013
I really liked the masked man scene in this chapter. Lots of mysteries popping up, and it's getting quite interesting. I would say to go easy on the descriptions though, cause I think that brings down the pace quite a bit, especially with Heero at the beginning. You also use interesting words where something more simple would work better. Overall, good chapter!
| CorkLore chapter 2 . 9/13/2012
Interesting story so far with graphic, but amazing visuals. Can't wait to see how the story unfolds!
| xBinKz chapter 1 . 9/11/2012
Nice prologue it really got my attention, cant wait to continue reading the rest. Nice job!
| Lalala chapter 2 . 9/2/2012
Please update soon. I hope that I don't have to wait four years for another chapter.
| Monii chapter 2 . 8/13/2012
great first chapter! i couldn't stop reading!
| Heinlein chapter 2 . 8/12/2012
Wow...this chapter is even better written than the last one. Not only has your use of vocabulary improved to a level where I wouldn't be surprised if this was a published novel, but your use of techniques like foreshadowing is above and beyond what I expected. They way you describe even the little actions (like Heero massaging his temples trying to clear his head of painful memories) makes visualizing what I'm reading no trouble...and on that note WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
At first I was weary of how you were portraying Relena, such as making her giddy and flirtatious, but the way you related it back to Usagi's personality as a child made it seem like an appropriate addition to her character.
The action was exciting and didn't feel like it was dragging. I really enjoyed the part where this "masked figure" walks in on the illicit experiments going on...although the part with the baby explosion was a tad graphic for me.
I also really like how you are slowly revealing Heero and Usagi's past through brief flashbacks (it appears that's what you are doing anyway) instead of cramming it all into one giant prologue.
If I would have to make a criticism I'd say you used the words "whipped the needles" a lot...maybe in the future you can use different words to get the needles from one place to the next. However, this didn't really affect the story negatively in any way and I only noticed it after I reread the chapter a few times.
Can't wait for more...I'm REALLY excited to see how you incorporate more Wing and Sailor Moon characters. Also wondering what role the Gundam's themselves will play and what those black and purple mobile suits were, since after Endless Waltz all mobile suits were destroyed. Going to be some exciting stuff!
| Amy chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
Considering I'm not familiar with Gundum Seed, and haven't watched Sailor Moon in a very long time, I did find the characters' names to be a bit confusing, as well as the back story (the different organizations with the moons).
But, considering this is the prologue, I'm sure there will probably be more explanations later on. It might be better if I actually knew more about GS/SM, but obviously that isn't your fault, it's just my limited knowledge of anime. :) The description of what was happening was straight-forward and described well (especially when the soldiers were taking part in the chase), I could picture a lot of what was going on, which is nice, because 'showing' is a lot better in stories than 'telling'.
Heero sounds like an interesting character, and I'm intrigued to find out more about him. Is this the same story we were talking about with the boy and the two girls-one who changed, and the new girl sort of resembles the other girl's old ways? I remember we talked about this.
In terms of room for improving, I did some grammar/word/time tense errors (though, my grammar and spelling is terrible, so feel free to ignore this completely!). I should also say that I'm not a huge fan of works written in third person, so my opinion on works written this way are a little biased. The story does seem like there will be things happening later on, which is enough to motivate me to read more.
| kasun D chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
the beginning of the story was a little too clumped and complicated. i understand that your trying to throw your audience right into the battle that was occurring between white and black moon groups. but without reading it like 2 times its hard to have a good image of the beginning. but after that the story got really interesting all the way to the present ending you have. i also enjoyed the fact that you had associations to gundam like the name heero and colony dates. and also the association to sailor moon. i look forward to reading more.
| Gawl Dukat chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
Interesting story, very long, but interesting
| SerenityKieraSilverwind chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
Considering this is only one post you have done and you have almost 200 reviews is great, wish that could be me. Though you are well deserving of those votes, this is really good and I also can't wait to see and read what you write.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
Nice visual writing. Some less commonly used words (for me) broke the reading flow early on; however, the flow improved as the story progressed. Pretty neat to read a bit of Japanese romanji and recognize a few phrases here a there. Well done.
| CorkLore chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
Pretty good so far! A few minor things confused me, but it didn't stop me from understanding the scenes. Keep up the good work!
| Spiral Treize chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
Even just reading this one chapter I can see that in the years it has taken you to post an update your technique has improved far and beyond what it was before. Everything from the flow to the grammar has improved, and the effort you must have gone through to get so many lines of dialogue translated is impressive to say the least, considering you could have just as easily been lazy and just added a few Japanese words here and there. It's clear to me that you are trying to make this story truly special.
Since your two main characters haven't said a word of dialogue I'll comment on the others. Even though we only knew Ikuko for a few paragraphs I still felt for what she was experiencing, and it was even sad to hear of her death. It's too early for me to give a definitive opinion of Shizuka, however, I look forward to seeing the interaction between her and the children Heero and Usagi.
I'm excited to see how you will incorporate all the other characters into this story so PLEEEEEASE update regularly!
| flam2 chapter 1 . 5/23/2012
This first part was great! Huge improvement your old story, and I can definitely tell you've put a lot of work into it. I especially loved the beginning of this part, and Ikuko and Kenji's escape was really well done. Sad, too. Can't wait to read the rest of this story (finally!), so keep it up! )
| MinakoTrickster chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
I usually am one that just adores Usagi they way I originally know her. People tend to changer her personality completely around in a way that doesn't make sense.
You are doing things different. You're giving us the back story, why she will not be the way we usually now Usagi as. You've created a different time and life within perfect detail and the news report of the White Moon Foundation.
It sets an opening for the reader to ease into the AU, the unknown. I don't know if you plan on doing some Senshi bit, or what you will have similar in regards to the crescent moon on her forehead, but I am intrigued.
I don't know if you will have others playing in this, but already I am interested in this new world, new path we find Usagi in.
You are wonderful with attention to detail and grammar. Your words gripping and you set up the scene in a way that is easy to follow.
Thank you very much. We do need writers now more than ever and it's wonderful to see works coming out and authors returning.
Keep up the awesome writing.