Reviews for The Scream
Afuri chapter 1 . 2/25
One word, awesome... They're so IC and just- too awesome..
FullMentalPanic chapter 1 . 2/14/2012
First off, I've got to say that I'm staggered by the sheer quantity of work that you've put out. Counting your posts in multiples of a hundred is a very impressive feat. I really like you're emphasis on friendship between comrades or soldiers.

For this fic in particular I really loved the exploration of Yazoo's character. He was my favorite of the Advent trio; favorite in the sense that his demeanor was most representative of Sephiroth's calm insanity and his almost gentle voice was more unnerving than anything that was shrieked by Kadaj or muttered by Loz.

As origin stories go, this is really a great one, and I appreciate how you did the pacing. It's really great how you hit us with how young they all are. All the moments where you bring up their age right after you describe what they go through really hits home. I also like how even though it's about Yazoo (and Loz)it's told through Loz's perspective, it's kind of in keeping with Yazoo's mercurial and enigmatic personality that we only get to see it from the outside.

Very interesting portrayal of the older, middle, younger child dynamic. Their different roles and the different ways they deal with their life; their different responses make sense, and it's quite sad. '"They've . . . started with him...Kadaj is their experiment now as well. Tonight they hurt him for the first time, to see how strong his endurance is."...Yazoo's eyes were dead." Wow, this so gets across the horror and pain and also the depth of the relationship between the brothers.

Yazoo definitely seems like the most collected and mature of the group, and you communicate it well. Loz's almost simplistic thought processes still get across how he loves his brothers and that things don't have to be complicated in expression to be intense. "...he had never heard Yazoo scream..." You give that scream incredible impact. The way you advance the story, starting with the reaction Loz never thought would happen and then everything leading up to why Yazoo (and all them) are the way they are is very affecting.

The context that you put the 'don't cry' phrase in and the idealization of mothers makes so much sense for how we see them treating those subjects in the movie. Excellent expansion. "Go away. . . ." His voice trailed off hopelessly. "Meanies. . . ." Heart wrenching, how he tries so hard to express the injustice of the situation, but doesn't have the words for it, and it creates great background for him using 'meanies' later in the film.

There's definitely a sense of vindication when Loz whales on the scientists. Loz's frustration over his inability to protect his family is well portrayed and works great with his role as the oldest child and how he feels that he's not able to do the things he should.

I like how you show the connection between all of them but especially show the nature of the bond between Yazoo and Loz. They had fantastic teamwork in the film, and I like seeing possible backgrounds for that.

"He was in agony, he was miserable, but he was not broken." Kind of comforting actually, knowing that he's not defeated. Yazoo hiding his injuries and trying to shield his brothers that way actually makes a lot of sense with his personality. I'm really taken with the idea that Yazoo wore such skin concealing clothes to cover up wounds and bruises. It makes me wonder if any Final Fantasy characters did that and I feel like speculating in that direction myself; you're inspiring.

"Kadaj is still only a child. Why would I want to bother him with my problems?"..."There's me!"..."You too," Great exchange, everything they say to each other, here and elsewhere, is motivated and effective. Their relationship is really interesting and I like how you touch on how Yazoo acts the most grown up of the lot even though he has issues he's dealing with as well. "I like the feel of the gun in my hand. Its fate is something I can control." Good explanation for his weapon affinity. "He could tell that Yazoo wanted to become stronger, to hone his fighting and shooting skills, because maybe someday, they would be powerful enough to overcome their captors and break free. And silently, he found himself vowing to do the same. They would discover a way to escape, and maybe then they could find somewhere peaceful to go." Foreshadowing of the future, we know this must be what happened..

The ending is also a great precedent/foreshadowing for what happens to them and how they act, good way to conclude it. The tale is sorrowful and harsh, but very well done, and the perseverance of the characters really carries them through, great portrayal of the different elements of the story.
valentinescloak chapter 1 . 5/27/2010
Good story! I love your Loz and Yazoo, you portrayed them perfectly! (Yazoo has always been my favorite of the brothers)
The 6 Deadly Sins chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
From all of us Sins

We bow deeply to you in respect, for we have found yet another author who writes stories worth reading. Such good detail, nice sentence structure, very interesting plot and what not. Congratulations and Break a Leg trying to finish those other stories you have not found time to finish yet. We are looking forward to their ending.

* Wrath *

# Lust #

Envy

Pride

$ Greed $

Sloth
Sabith chapter 1 . 9/5/2007
this story was very well written, i personaly dislike loz and therefor tend to avoid stories that have him as a main character but you managed to make me forget that. this is a great story and im glad i read it.

Sabith
Riderazzo chapter 1 . 8/9/2007
Beautifuly written! You did a very good job on Yazoo and Loz's characters. They were very well written. Their emotions seemed realistic and believeable unlike most fanfiction where they come off as not having much personality at all. So congrates again on a great story and I hope to read more from you on the SHM soon!;)
whitelanc3r chapter 1 . 4/5/2007
That is heart-wrenching, I'd say. They have to endure such an ordeal at such a young age, if it's me I would seriously doubt that I could pull through. Poor kids, they never have had a chance for freedom, and love. If only I was there...

Well-written, nice yet sad plot. Really good.
Neo-Nebula chapter 1 . 4/4/2007
Oh my gosh . . . that was so sad, yet wonderful. I love Yazoo and love this story. Please write more! Go Yazoo! Knowing he had been electocuted and that his clothes were nearly gone almost brought me to tears! Excelent grammer, too, by the way! That seems hard by which to come this days . . .
christina chapter 1 . 4/3/2007
Aw that was sad. However a great story. 2 thumbs up.
Garowyn chapter 1 . 4/2/2007
Excellent work! I especially loved the last few lines.
Chaxra-san chapter 1 . 3/31/2007
That was... ADORABLE!

I loved the way you decribed Yazoo...
delavega chapter 1 . 3/30/2007
Very very nice.
Zellycat chapter 1 . 3/30/2007
Just amazing, it is perfect characterisation of both Loz and Yazoo. I love the way they act in it the indepth of their characters to make the story emotive.

Great job you should write more SHM stories there is not enough of them.
Theskycalamity chapter 1 . 3/30/2007
*clutches heart* wow.

This was amazing! You did a really great job here. The story was very sad, and I love how you were able to capture Loz's ...shall I say, desperation? And great job with Yazoo as well; always wanting (needing, maybe) to be the adult and being able to push his pain aside... something Loz simply can't understand.

Beauitful Piece. Keep writing _
Chibi Cheesecake chapter 1 . 3/29/2007
Ooh, interesting angle! And really sad, too. x.X

Anyway, I like the emotions in this, and how you kind of set things up for them. I can see them really desperately wanting to find peace with Mother, after growing up as lab experiments.

Great job!