Reviews for Fate
Karachi chapter 10 . 6/7/2007
it's getting better! it would be much better if you add more description though. keep it up!
Rajata chapter 9 . 5/30/2007
Ritsikas chapter 9 . 5/29/2007
Woowy woow woow... this is getting better and better.

Oh and I have something to say... if you dont know how to end it then dont make them brother and sister and make a love ending. But if you alredy have one then do that one. It was just something I tought when I read that you dont know how do end it. Anyway wayting for the next one.
Imperial Empress Kirin chapter 8 . 5/22/2007
No need to delete the story, I like this story very much. This is doing a good job, but there are still very slight errors. (Sorry, I'm just giving out con crit, please don't be offended.)

"You can work with me{,}" Nobunaga put in.

Okay, between the ending of the quotation mark and me there should be a comma there.

"You can work with me," Nobunaga put in.

Maybe you could add more detail or feeling to it as well.

"No" Nobunaga’s voice came. They looked at him. "They can’t. I won’t let them go. Kid," he said to Gon. "Join the Spiders."

"No!" Nobunaga's voice came into play abruptly. Everyone within the hideout of the Spiders looked at him, wondering what he was going on about. "They can't. I won't let them go. Kid," He said to Gon. "Join the Spiders." Nobunaga looked at Gon eagerly waiting his reply. Gon reminded him of Ubogin and it was not surprising that Nobunaga would want Gon to join the Spiders.

You see how much more detail I had. You are writing at a very basic level at the moment. You have great potential to improve. I know that, and your ideas when Spider centric is amazing. All you have is comma errors and needing more feeling and detail to the story and there you would have a well-written story or that's how I feel. So far you're doing great. If you ever have any questions to what I have said, PM me or Email me, I'll gladly try and answer all your questions. Sometimes when you have simple errors it really stands out.
Hiro-chan chapter 8 . 5/22/2007
Pls don't say that you're gonna delete it! Its getting to the good part, we (me and BlacklistxHunter) still wanna see more of ur fic!

so pls continue it to the end_

be waiting for new chapters

BlacklistxHunter: "Yeah! What he said! PLS?"
Ritsikas chapter 8 . 5/22/2007
Aww... its sad to har you may delete it. It looks soo awesome.

Ill be wiating for the next one to come out.
kawaiistar chapter 7 . 5/17/2007
oh, i wonder what's gonna happen when she finds out who killed her clan!

please update :D
Ritsikas chapter 7 . 5/14/2007
Gyah I cant wait for the next one to come... this is just so amasing.
hiccups chapter 5 . 5/3/2007
haha cliffhanger

does this mean Kiriki knows how to use Ren, 'In' amd all that because she was trying to hide in the shadows in Chapter 4?

please update!
Imperial Empress Kirin chapter 5 . 4/30/2007
Well this is a good chapter. Kiriki is becoming slightly Mary-Suish (SP) but very naive and follows the bad guys willingly so that's toning the Sueish parts down. I do like this story a lot and can't wait for more. I'm wondering what kind of nen Kiriki uses.
xiem chapter 1 . 4/14/2007
kura chan is a boy U_U

nice story tho
Happiness's Deceit chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
TT: (twitches)

Kai: Okay, what TT means is that you have an interesting writing style, and you're good with grammar as well as transitioning... but she disapproves greatly with your subject matter.

TT: RIGHT! Kurapika is the LAST Kurata, and Kuroro would have KILLED her and taken her eyes should he have found her.

Kai: (coughs) Ignore her, she's being very rude. Anyway, your characters are a bit 'out-of-character', but that's normal if this is your first anime fanfiction.

TT: You...created a MarySue! You created the EVIL!

Kai: Please understand that TT is very angry when dealing with MarySues, and that your character is shaping up to be one. Otherwise, your story is turning up pretty well. The storyline is becoming quite similar to 'Black Cat', dealing with Creed and the 'apostles', but this is unique in its own way too.

TT: Well...fine, then. I'll be constructive. You tend to ignore the commas during dialog when you switch to an action/declarative sentence, and on top of that, you're too concentrated on descriptions. This is taking away from the overall workings of the story, and makes it less easy to follow.

Kai: In other words, if you put in so many details, the reader(s) will have difficulty keeping details and actions seperate. There are also better ways to enter a character into a scene.

TT: Yeah, well, PM us if you have any questions, and...blarg. I really don't like this fanfiction, to be perfectly honest...but I can't stop a person once they've started- that's just not nice.

Kai: So, right, PM us, and good luck with your story. Hopefully this has helped, and if not- oh well, it's your five minutes of life, not ours.
BlacklistXHunter chapter 2 . 4/11/2007
Anta ni sugoi!

(You're awesome!)

Ne, Kurapika doko?

(Where's Kurapika?)

Omoshiroi yo!

(Its going to be good!)


(Keep it up!)
Imperial Empress Kirin chapter 2 . 4/9/2007
Continue. I can't wait to see more of this fanfic. I wonder what's going to happen now that Kiriki has met Gon, Killua, and Leorio? I wonder what she's going to say when she meets Kurapika? Anyway I can't wait for the next chapter. _
hiccups chapter 2 . 4/6/2007
that's a nice name Kiriki, doesn't mean anything?

she can fight and kill right? i hope so coz Kuroro wouldn't expect anything less...can't wait till chap 3 :)
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