Reviews for Lost People
I am no longer available chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
You set up the atmosphere pretty well, but I get confused at times about when and where this is, what history is there, and so on. There's just too much unsaid in places where some kind of details and/or explanations are needed.

I wondered if it was bc this is the second part of a story. So, I looked it up, but it didn't add any clarity for me. (BTW, it would have been nice to have this as the second chapter, rather than having to look up the first from your author page).

I think if you had been able to add those details, this story could have been much interesting. As it is now, I see the hints of a great story, but not the next step.

Cheers, BaM
Inconspicuous Acuity chapter 1 . 4/12/2007
My first comment will be that the atmosphere's rendition was exceptional, making the reader able to visualize the place. And it also fit the general perception of Nar Shaddaa.

The characters were slightly... darker, so to say, than the game makes them seem, at least to me. But it was an interesting change and the dialogues between them were well-thought. Also, that seems the right perspective Bao-Dur would have of the whole place.
CodenameSAILORV chapter 1 . 4/8/2007
Your characterization is spot on. Especially your portrayal of Bao-Dur. Like the skilled tech that he is - he misses nothing. He sees Atton and the grimy cantina for who and what they really are. Also - your attention to the details of the cantina offers up a sense of desperation that works nicely. Excellent work!
Layana Danare chapter 1 . 4/5/2007
Man, I never knew Bao-dur to be so funny! But it really fits him... I adore it!

Please R&R mine!
Rian Sage chapter 1 . 4/4/2007
You do a great job of staying in the scene with this one. At all times, we were reminded of the seediness of the cantina and its personnel. I loved Atton's comment: "I promised the old hag I wouldn’t hold the trip into the Refugee sector up, and I’m pretty sure I’m late."

Your Atton seems troubled and how he should be on Nar Shaddaa. However, Bao-Dur seems a bit too well-adjusted. Based on your last story (Luxa), I'm guessing it was intentional for it to be a different take on him.
Trillian4210 chapter 1 . 4/4/2007
Very nicely done in terms of rendering Bao-Dur's thought processes. But I was a bit confused at some places. If this is during Kotor II than B-D should still be rather torn up with guilt as opposed to having made his peace. Also, the relationship between he and Atton seems like it goes back to the war but, for me anyway, that backstory is only hinted at. Since it's a departure from canon, I think a little more filling out would do it well.

But likely all of my critiques are the result of being quickly drawn into a very well-rendered snippet of life and wanting more. The scene was painted very well and the little details about the dancers gave it an icky-yet-realistic tinge. And Mira's cameo fit right in too.

Nice work.
Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 4/2/2007
I loved the interaction and the present tense. It brought a cool sense of time to the story.
sharinganavenger chapter 1 . 4/1/2007
Awesome. I don't know if I'd read the prequel before and forgotten it, but this made me go read it. I like your sense of perspective, how Bao-dur sees everything. You really get the mood of the situation across. The two pieces go well together.