|Reviews for Before Eternity|
| pheobep3 chapter 16 . 7/31/2008
| jimmy-barnes-13 chapter 16 . 7/30/2008
That was fantastic, I really loved it, especially the whole 'forbidden' chamber thing. I really like your style of writing too, its unique :)
| Bobby Rae chapter 16 . 7/30/2008
wow, i can't believe that i haven't read this yet. I've been on and off of this area in the ff site and i'm surprised that i hadn't found this. this is really good! pleas continue!
| NotAfraidToLive chapter 16 . 7/30/2008
thank you SO much for continuing your story! i absolutely loved this chapter! i look forward to reading more, please update soon!
| Ruby Chubb chapter 16 . 7/30/2008
wow! absolutely awesome!
| Shorty1975 chapter 16 . 7/30/2008
After that long wait, wow, what a read. I hope you are over your writer's block and can write more soon.
| ForeverACharmedOne chapter 16 . 7/30/2008
No! No! Not a skewer please! O_O *le gasp*
AT LAST! An update! I all but thought you died, girl! ok, I shan't scold you. Too excited with the chapter. ;)
Well, I love how you got inspiration from the Bloody Chamber. One of my favorite books. :D As for your review, I'm going to try and make as long as possible to welcome your return to updating. (haha) I'll start off with how cute I found it that Sophia was doing the whole "he loves me, he loves me not" thing. Classic. _
And Poor Sophia! Pacing and pacing and hoping to find her Prince. And I just love the image when she wondered if he was in the library.
"could, sitting there at the desk where they did her lessons so many times, grinning boyishly as if it were merely a game she had been part of, the Prince be waiting for her?"
No, apparently he couldn't. Too bad. So sad.
Ah, and there's her epiphany of sorts when she realizes that the war history isn't boring and now she must be off to find the man she loves and tell him that! Can you say: Aww? I can. :)
And enter Nedezda. Gr.
She needs a swift kick in the skirt. As soon as she came in I had a bad feeling. And it ends up she's showing Sophia the "dark side" of the man she loves. Your description of the painting btw was awesome. I could just picture it. And down Sophia goes into the big, bad, dark, scary place she hopes her Prince is.
And what a place to realize she's in love. Nice. XD Sophia's immediate denial that it couldn't be Dracula's handiwork reminded me of stories I've read about historical Dracula and how his wife went off the loony bin because of all the bloodshed he caused and she couldn't take it because for years she just denied that he was doing it or something. Just an interesting observation. :)
Aw..and then at last amidst her screaming of terror Dracula finds her and gets her out. It's time for another "Aw..." lol. Vicious or tender: Dracula's just too sexy for his own good. And for us impressionable women's own good. lolz. XD
Now, getting in touch with my inner child, all I have to say is: "Ohh! Nedezda is in TROUBLE!" XD lol. Had to do it. Couldn't resist, mate. haha.
Ok, this was a great update! A positive comeback if there ever was one. _ Now please, update again SOON! ;P
| Weirdo-Lover chapter 16 . 7/30/2008
Omg! no BLOOD? That's so creepy!...anyway it was an excellent update! It really did take you long enough. But take your time! PLus, you were trying to make it perfect for us. -tears- I do that all the time...I wish people could understand our great works of art. -sigh- viewers...
Update whenever you can! Review ya later
| pheobep3 chapter 15 . 6/8/2008
| Anon E. Mouse chapter 6 . 3/28/2008
Oh sh*t! What's this? A REVIEW? It IS! Haha you have no idea I'm writing this right now...you're listening to me gross you out about tonsillectomies and just have no clue what's about to land in your inbox, I rule. O hai, u can has reviewz.
I think you start this chapter off brilliantly by switching narrative focus. Let me explain: you narrate in the third person but, mainly, through Sophia's eyes. It is told from her perspective; we hear her thoughts and feelings, her reactions, her reality. And with good reason: we as readers are in the same position of ignorance and naïvete as she is-we have no inkling of the sort of man Prince Dracula (pre-vamp) is, or what his true intentions are towards her, or how the story will unfold. We discover these things when she does (largely, she can be a bit slow haha) and thus her voice is our voice as well, in a way. But here, however, the tables have changed. Now *Dracula* represents our eyes and ears. He asks the questions that we ask-how will Sophia take to her transformation? How will she look? Act? Feel? By beginning the chapter from his point of view, you continue the suspense and keep us wondering what's going to happen next. The narration always seems to stay with the questions, not the answers.
I like Sophia's hesitation and caution here too. The line "without becoming familiar with his bed" made me laugh aloud. Yes, Sophia, he is a charmer, as all courtiers are. She is smart to think she should be on her guard; he is definitely, shall we say, a ladies' man. Oh, hell, let's just be honest: he's a ginormous Pimp Daddy.
The passage you wrote about his eyes was also really nice. I should point out that Dracula wasn't a gypsy, a nomadic race that was considered 'beneath' the merchant classes and aristocracy, and blue eyes would have been more or less common among ruling families, which were often closely connected to northern Germanic and Slavic noble houses. BUT for Sophia, they would have been a rarity. As for neither his mother or father having blue eyes, I say only this: BOOYA RECESSIVE GENE! (We recessives need to stick together.) But soft! I think there may be something deeper going on here? Yes, I distinctly remember seeing something elsewhere about parentage...oh scandal!
2 paragraphs on that Dracula dudes eyes? Oh dear, now I sound like a fangirl... I was particularly struck by what you said about his eyes reading every single one of Sophia's thoughts. Actually, in several cultures in which blue eyes were rare if not unheard of (ancient Egypt, for example), blue eyes were often considered signs of witchcraft or to possess other magical properties. Some people thought them The Evil Eye, others thought them a hallmark of wisdom. And then, of course, there is that wonderful book The Giver (if you have not read it do so NOW), in which the blue-eyed members of a genetically engineered society are the only ones with the capacity to see color or hear music. In short, I think you're brilliant to call attention to the color of Dracula's eyes in this way and connect them to his supposed Otherness and his supposed powers. People so often assume that vampires are dark, but the blue eyes, I think, are so much more meaningful. Brava indeed, dude.
Yikes, I'll try and get to everything else before I write you a novel. Dinner and such-love the 'can you do this?' 'no' 'what about _?' 'no' exchange. Poor Sophia, she has so much to learn... She's so conscious of her lower status, although she tries to display some level of accomplishment. I sense that beneath her selfless facade is, actually, a moderate amount of pride. ;p And yes, Draccie, the sooner you do the vertical tango, the sooner you might attempt the horizontal tango, you know what I mean? The mattress mambo? **nudge, nudge; wink, wink**
Speaking of which, o noes! Is he going to take her back to her room and make sweet love to her down by the fire? WHA? Oh, no, he's just going to plant a quick one on her. Oh, Sophia, you silly girl... Man, that is such a classic first date scene (minus the date rape fears I would hope). But will he call the next day? Haha...beautiful job, my dear. That was very poignantly and realistically described. I do hope that she'll get some sleep and realize that-perhaps-it wasn't the absolute *worst* day of her life...teehee.
Lastly, and on a more personal note, it's really cool to go back and look at these chapters that you wrote ages ago and see how different they are from the ones you're working on now. Without sounding like an Old Person, or like I'm condescending-which I'm not, we ALL try to improve our stuff, and I know I myself have a ways to go-the development of your writing is really something, and I can't wait to see where you'll take it next. Not that this isn't good-because it *is*-it just doesn't fully sound like you yet, in the way that your new stuff does. I think you're finally finding a voice that is truly your own. ROCK OUT.
If I manage to finish all of your reviews before you update again I shall be cross. You rule, so write! Write! 'Twas a great chapter! I love this! WRITE BEFORE I GO MAD!
P.S. If you were ever to go back and make changes, one might be the term 'personal servant,' which I think ought to be 'your own lady's maid' or something...'personal servant' sounds a bit modern to me. I think, actually, that their whole relationship could be expanded on a bit. Since she's Turkish, I assume she is a servant and not a lady in waiting, who would be of fairly noble birth (you watch the Tudors, you know what I mean haha). So what level of confidence would she enjoy with Sophia? What level of familiarity would she allow (so as to avoid being reprimanded etc.). Just some thoughts if you want to expand...la la la isn't it more fun to toodle around with everyone else's stories intead of your own? Procrastination is the greatest nation on earth!
| Anon E. Mouse chapter 5 . 3/19/2008
Ahoy there, matey. You know how I said that I owed you a bunch of reviews? Well peep this:
My first thought, upon reading this chapter again, was "hmm, I wonder who decorated the east wing." It's girly, obviously, since it's the residence of Drac's Woman, but is it actually decorated in Nedezda's/a woman's tastes or is Dracula's idea of what a woman's tastes would be? If it's the latter I will laugh and possibly get a stomach ache.
Interior decorating aside, I quite like this chapter. Oh, I'm sorry, hold on a second-**snicker** "monthlies" **snicker-pardon me, I just find the idea of Dracula having to deal with a woman PMSing REALLY amusing. Can you imagine what it's like with three of them? They'd all get on the same cycle... **gigglesnort** OK, I'm done now.
One of the things that I particularly like about this story/chapter is the way you deal with Dracula's relationship with the Ottomans. We begin the story knowing that his mistress, Nedezda, was given to him in treaty by the Sultan. Several of his servants are Turkish. And now this bath, both a nod to the Roman empire and also, I think, a particularly exotic, "Turkish" curiosity. Throughout history, ruling powers have adopted some of the customs of their conquered peoples or built on the foundations of pre-existing buildings as a way to show their dominance. Dracula's apparent taste for Turkish things thus casts him even more thoroughly in the role of conqueror. And that bath is wicked cool, I want one. Huzzah!
Re-reading this, I noticed something that I had not noticed before: Mary is Turkish. Was she given a new name by Vladdy? Also, if she's Turkish AND waiting on Dracula's mistress, did she in fact come from Constantinople with Nedezda as *her* lady-in-waiting? If so, I think you have some definite possibilities for working with her character. Does she know things about Nedezda that could come in handy? Will there be/is there a clash of loyalties? Making Mary Turkish could make things really interesting, so I hope you do something with this detail.
I don't know if there's a whole lot to pick apart here; this chapter is very straightforward. BUT it does a lot to showcase Sophia's clueless naïveté. I like how you keep the reader in the dark along with her. We absorb each clue along with her, we discover her true role in the castle when she does, which allows us to sympathize genuinely with her shock and discomfort and also (duh) builds suspense.
All I can say is that beyotch needs to get a freaking clue, savvy?
Ok, I reviewed, now where is my rum? ;p
Yay, this story rocks, and the chapters you're working on now are even awesomer, so get cracking and update, wench! Or else...I will be cross...and...yeah. On to the next chappie, you rule!
| Weirdo-Lover chapter 15 . 3/15/2008
COL! Amazing! If I was an awesome speller you'd hear an unbelievbly breathe taking word that describes this creative well thought out story/plot or whatever you want to call it! It's a magnificit peace of work! I'm completly dying! (DYING) to know what happens next!
So, like, dude, when R ya, you know, well um, update?
*shrugs* I just wanna know...really really REALLY bad. But whenever you recieve this implorment...I MEAN! Question, I would be very (VERY) ...glad if you would give me a helping hint as to when the next update will take place...
| Christa McGinn chapter 15 . 3/13/2008
I just discovered this story today, and it is marvelous. I actually read two of your other stories first and I fell in love with your writing. You take mythological situations and make them believable. It is fascinating, and those are always the best type. The length is perfect and your vocabulary is great, if not a bit too modern. However, I'm a history major and I love the random history and legends you've thrown in. Very nice. I am a true fan. Please continue!
| N.E.P.tunes.out chapter 15 . 3/6/2008
Heya! I love this story! It totally rocks! Keep up the writing, though I totally get the slow updating thing. I think all my Quizilla readers hate me... Anyway, yay! Your story is kickin!
| FakeBaconFryer chapter 15 . 2/26/2008
i want more
pretty pretty please