Reviews for The Royal Embassy from Isandria
InactiveNotUsed chapter 3 . 7/25/2007
This is a good chapter two - we learn the basic premise of the plot very quickly, and we do NOT have Peter and the girl immediately falling for each other! Other fanfic authors take note!

Peter's reaction to her initial statements is well-handled - he is calm in the face of her excitement, a good counterpoint to her. The notion of her being forced to marry is an interesting one and one which has been used before.

I think that what the chapter needs is an expansion of Peter's thoughts on being told that she is intended to be married to him; earlier, he was fed up with the women who were thrown in his path, but now one is thrown in his path and his major concern is for her safety. There is no dread of marriage etc.

This works very well - it might be work putting something in like "He did not notice that he was not shocked or dismayed at this turn of events - only afterwards did he wonder why this might be" to show that there is a connection between Peter and Grace; he's not adverse to marrying her.

A good chapter.
InactiveNotUsed chapter 2 . 7/25/2007
A very good chapter, with a lovely writing style - direct and journalistic, but without just being dialogue. There is good description in there, but it is not overwrought or too much.

You get the description of Grace in there very easily, and without the usual OC Princess trick of a million words of description that focus on her hair! So, points for that! I think that this description is great, and - coupled with what we get later on when we learn that she is the Princess of Isandria - we have quite enough information about her. So, the earlier chapter with the descriptions of characters isn't really necessary, I think.

Anyway, this is a great chapter - the one thing I might suggest is to expand it a little, perhaps with some more of Peter's thoughts. Why does it seem longer that he has been King? Why does he get his own food? How does he manage to get away from his courtiers? Little things like that will establish the character of the young King very well.

Grace's dialogue is great too - a wonderful combination of high fantasy and Middle-Class English. Very good indeed - I shall be adding this story to my "Alerts" and waiting for updates!
InactiveNotUsed chapter 1 . 7/25/2007
O! Another Peter/OC story! Better add it to the archive!


Anyway - on with the review.

The first chapter isn't really a chapter - it's just information. I think that, while the information is good and necessary to the story in question, it could be better presented as part of the story. So, rather than giving us a solid description of Grace-Elizabeth Marie (a very English name for a Princess of a Narnian land . . . . ) you could work that into the narrative.

Anyway, I shall now read some more and review!
Justine298 chapter 1 . 5/14/2007
ok i kinda have a suggestion for the rest of the story...

perhaps some prince from another country comes into the story and says that he wants to marry her...and her father cant decide who is better blah blah blah maybe you can do the rest...i dunno
LibbyYehca chapter 13 . 5/13/2007
well, i dont know, but here's a suggestion:

peter meets another girl and starts to fall under a wicked spell... and grace is the only person who can break the will everntually work out between them after...

idk if that would make any sense, but it was only a suggestion.
vrangr chapter 11 . 4/24/2007
that was totally awesome! you have potential! but very teenyweeny typo-errors..anyway, update soon! i can't wait to see whereyou take this!
Cloudy Glass chapter 11 . 4/11/2007
Looks like the story is progressing well. My only complaint is that it doesn't seem like Peter is taking on enough worry about what the Isandrian king is scheming. Other wise, it's been reading well. Can't wait for the next chapter!
musafa chapter 9 . 4/9/2007
oh...i wonder what's on the note! i loved how you showed the difference between the letters Peter sent to his siblings; very clever!

update soon!
Fishy Rainboots chapter 6 . 4/8/2007
Really interesting. One of the only arranged marriage Narnian fics I've read. I love it! Great job, I can't wait for the next chapter!
brezzybrez chapter 4 . 4/8/2007
interesting! update soon.
musafa chapter 4 . 4/8/2007
this is really interesting, but i don't think you should have such a long description of the room.

update soon!
KidWithFace1692 chapter 2 . 4/7/2007
i think this is very well written :] good job! can't wait to see more