Reviews for Guard My Heart
Motherof8 chapter 21 . 4/28/2014
Enjoyed the story. Thanks
Lara chapter 21 . 10/18/2008
Judith you are absolutely amazing! I sat there all day today after finishing "Breaking Dawn" and was like "Aw, it CAN'T be over!" And now I feel like it's not. I have a feeling I'll be reading most if not all of your stories right here, right now, tonight. AMAZING job!

With love,

BonitaChic chapter 21 . 7/10/2008
I should start by saying I really liked your story. I thought the idea of Bella going to the Volturi (and making a pleasant life there, rather than being held prisoner or blackmailed to stay) was good. I liked the idea of Edward leaving her b/c of the manipulation of Charlotte.

I have some constructive thoughts for you as an author. 1- I think Charlotte was too weak of a character to be the main antagonist. She needs a stronger/clearer motivation for wanting to take over the Volturri and she needs to be perceived as very strong to hold Edward at her side for 20 years. Also, why is she a vegetarian vampire? A little more fleshing out of her motivations would take this to a new level 2- Why does Edward stay with Charlotte when he realizes that she took his memories?You briefly touch on him feeling like the family wouldn't take him back so he didn't return, but I think a stronger reason is needed for why he would stay with Charlotte in the Cullen house after Volterra. Does he love her? Does he feel comfortable with the familiarity of the last 20 years? Does he agree with her mission to take out the Volturri? Is he still being manipulated? An alternate path would be for her to be taken out of the picture after Volterra (either Edward now knows that she was manipulating him and leaves her or the Volturri spare Edward but not her as the ring leader). 3-You could really play up the obstacles to Edward and Bella getting back together. Are E&C really dating- they're sharing a room. Have they been intimate? If you clarified the reasons/specifics behind E&Cs relationship, you could play up the obstacles to E&B getting together. It's gotta hurt that he's given himself to someone else for the past 20 years, they need to work this out.

Overall a good story. I like your writing style and I even enjoyed the "lost" style jumping around- I wouldn't leave constructive thoughts, if I didn't like it. I hope that you find it helpful and not insulting. Happy Writing!
Stronger than you since 1915 chapter 3 . 6/19/2008
that was so unexpected, i thought the cullens never came back and she got bitten by victoria or something. wow, good story.
Alice Cullen Is My Hero chapter 21 . 6/11/2008
oh i loved it!
darksmile23 chapter 21 . 3/11/2008
i know u said u want critisism but honestly, your story was beautiful.
darksmile23 chapter 16 . 3/11/2008
i know this is going to sound pathetic but this chapter made me cry. Its really good
Shadow Cat From Hell chapter 21 . 3/7/2008
Love it
Rose Philosopher chapter 16 . 3/7/2008
i'm really confused. Could you make it more clear why exactly Edward is staying with Charlotte at this point when he's clearly feeling somewhat antagonistic towards her, and why she's even with the Cullens right now. Why didn't the Volturi just kill her to get rid of the threat? What was the point of keeping her alive? Surely they wouldn't want people to start thinking they're soft?
Rose Philosopher chapter 9 . 3/7/2008
hhm, how about you mention that all chains and cells are made of diamond? that would make more sense because plain chains and cells would never hold a vampire. However, since they were always described as diamond-hard creatures, diamond would be a consistent material for restraining, wouldn't it?

just an idea...
Rose Philosopher chapter 8 . 3/7/2008
um, Bella's a vampire, isn't she? So why are simple stiletto heels impairing her abilities to move? Just stay with the remembered dislike but don't have her take them off, because that doesn't give an all to vampiric impression if you keep mentioning them. And make Bella a little more shocked when she hears of Edward, no? Unless she's so numb from the pain twenty years ago that nothing surprises her anymore...that would actually be a plausible explanation. i'm not trying to be offensive, just fyi. just giving you feedback, tho i love your story, but saying that would be redundant. )
Rose Philosopher chapter 7 . 3/7/2008
hhm, okay, so obviously she's heartbroken throughout this, but I assume she's not completely catatonic because she's had time to heal a little. I'd emphasize the emotions a little more, though. It doesn't make sense if she's just sobbing or breaking down and you're not explaining what is going on in her head and how she hurts. Considering the pain, factor in the twenty years, so it's a constant presence, a pressing pain that she's gotten used to, dull and acidic...I don't know. Just more emphasis on her agony. I love the idea of this story. Very original! )
Rose Philosopher chapter 2 . 3/7/2008
Wow, VERY nice. I've only just finished the first chapter, and the beginning confused me a little. I know you're probably trying to surprise readers with the fact that she's a vampire now, but even so, I think you should drop a few hints as to her abilities. She still sounds sort of sluggishly human. Can you heighten her sensitivity a little? The smells assaulting her senses, the different things she sees, and the attention humans pay her? Don't mention the hunger, or be too outright with it, but a few hints would make it more believable. but for the first chapter, good job!
cherrysakurawolf chapter 21 . 11/30/2007
LOVE the story! good job by the way!
Pure-Cardinal chapter 16 . 11/15/2007




136 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »