|Reviews for Forbidden Love|
| silverfoxninja chapter 3 . 4/11/2007
That's a very touching chapter. I like the feel of this story. I can see Mana and Celta being close friends, but where is Bakura? I hope that he's around there somewhere.
Just watch for those spelling and grammar errors. Otherwise, it's a great story with a natural feel to it.
Now one other thing, Egyptians are not keen on homosexuality, so I would be very careful with that especially the time frame that you are writting this in. XD
| silverfoxninja chapter 2 . 4/11/2007
This chapter is flowing nicely, and I like the way the story feels. I think you have a good thing going here, I just hope that you don't give up this story.
Again there are numerous spelling errors, but the flow of the story and the way the paragraghs have been seperated is a big improvement from the last.
The words that I have seen over and again is "meany" which I would assume that you mean "many", "trubble" is spelled "trouble", "toutour" is spelled "tutor", "appologized" is spelled "apologized", "we'er" is spelled "we're", "identalcal" is spelled "identical", "palce" is spelled "palace", "pleeding" is spelled "pleading", "bissy" is spelled "busy", "lovly" is spelled "lovely", and there are so many others that it would take up too much time to find them all
| silverfoxninja chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
So far this seems to be a very good story, but alas, I must say that there are a lot of errors here. I'm not sure if you noticed them right off, but the main thing that I can see is that the paragraphs are all mashed together. Try separating them, and then it will be easier to read.
There are numerous spelling errors here as well. Please make sure that the spelling is correct before submission.
I also noticed that your "I's" are not capitalized, which can through off the feel of the story.
It seems that you have put a lot of effort into this story, and I can read that the story has a lot of potential. Just watch for those errors and this story would be fantastic!
Another tip is I would revise this chapter. I havent' read the others yet, but what I have read from this one, I think it's got the right feel.
I love the way you have started them out as children. That way, I can get a feel from the characters as they mature and their paths take a seperate road. I like that. XD