|Reviews for A Family Affair|
| Lou Nebin chapter 2 . 4/18/2007
I STILL LOVE IT! It's very well written. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.
| Dailenna chapter 2 . 4/18/2007
Ooh, I like it _ This seems well thought-out and nicely written, as opposed to a few other 'children' stories. The plot is developing nicely, and I like the way that you've protrayed both of the kids - Beth acts just like a little girl I met today, except slightly more grown-up, which is fair enough because the girl I met wasn't quite three yet.
Also, I did at first think that Zeke acts more like a teenager than a ten-year-old. Not in maturity, but more in the quality of his hissy-fits (no-one can act the emo like a black-haired teen yelling "you don't get me!"). But now that I think about a few of the other kids (now I feel old ~_~) that I know these days (and again there - you know you're old when you start talking about "in MY day . . ."), I've realised just how faster they're growing up now. Instead of dressing like tarts when they're fifteen, they get started at twelve. Makes sense that it'd be the same for turning emo, too. But ten does still seem a bit young. Maybe my childhood was just too pleasant to be able to comprehend kids acting like that.
Hm . . . Yes, that's all I can remember of what I wanted to say. I think I got carried off on a tangent about kids, and forgot everything else. That's the Alzeimer's coming in, now. Let me go fetch my walking stick and go to my room before Dementia kicks in and I can't remember the way . . .
Oh, good work - I like it XD
| Mrs. Jean Grey-Summers chapter 2 . 4/17/2007
wonderful, wonderful. totally loving it
| Bar-Ohki chapter 2 . 4/17/2007
*laughes* I can't wait for them to get taken into work to be introduced to everyone... *laughes* Oh my will those poor people ever have such a more complicated lives!
And I can't wait to see what happens when Zeke hears about Fullmetal once being under Roy. *chuckles* Or if Roy decides to chase the boy across Central, lighting his pants on fire in annoyance...
I await your update!
| Ruki44 chapter 2 . 4/17/2007
besides my need to strange Zeke about the women comment, it was really good
| winglessfairy25 chapter 2 . 4/16/2007
Man, this is uberly awesome.! I really love it.. It's really really great and i just like how you kept the cool between them and how you kept them in character.. Great job here.! Again, you made my day with this update.. Keep up the great work. I like it how you conveyed their feelings and lasot he descriptive style of writing.. Awesomeness.! ja.! Added to faves.!
| jacksparrow589 chapter 2 . 4/16/2007
Ah, another great chapter (and only the second) in the ongoing saga of orphans (well, not so much now) who may or may not yet bring together my favorite anime couple. I have to admit, though, I was pissed with Zeke talking about women that way. Oh, I know he's just ten (and a fictional character to boot), but something about what he said bugged me. A lot. And props to you for writing in such a manner that provokes such a response. Alhtough, the pissiness is also due in large part to the ongoing backpack saga (don't ask) in my own life.
As long as you continue to post in a timely manner (as timely as can be, anyway), I shall continue to review in such a manner, as well. (No, that is not a threat that I will stop reading if you don't post for a month.) I've got my eye on this one.
Thanks for another great chapter!
| Twisha chapter 2 . 4/16/2007
I like your story. Your text is very descriptive and your dialog flows well. I think you did a good job keeping Roy and Riza in character. I also like your characterizations of Zeke and Beth. It’s not easy to work in original characters into the cannon and make it seem natural. Zeke and Beth seem to fit in perfectly, as if they were part of the world all along. Awesome job
One of my favorite parts is when Zeke tells Riza; ““Women don’t belong in the military, they might be useful with the paperwork but when it comes to a fight they’re useless. That’s why it’s only the men that go to war; women would just get in the way.” I get the feeling that Zeke is about to become intimately familiar with the business end Riza’s favorite revolver. That’s going to be good.
I think Zeke's hero-worship of Roy is very interesting and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it. I’d love to see Zeke experimenting with alchemy (probably trying to get Roy’s approval, that whole macho thing). He seems like the kind of kid who tends not to think things through completely, especially when he feels the need to impress someone. Roy is going to have his hands full.
The only thing I had trouble with is that the rate of story progression seems a little slow. I do this too. I have all these ideas I want to get out and sometimes they sort of explode on the screen without them being necessary to the plot (at that point anyway). For example:
"The silver lining came in the fact that the duplex had more than twice the space of Riza’s current military apartment, and she hardly owned enough furniture to fill it. With the children giving her suggestions along the way, they picked out another couch, some tables and chairs, a few floor rugs and other small things that would go in their new home. While it was hard, especially for Zeke, to say what would stay and what would go, it seemed to comfort the pair knowing some of their home would be going with them".
While this is a very well written paragraph (I especially like the comment about how the kids took comfort from the familiar things), pointing out how much bigger the duplex was than Riza's apartment seemed unnecessary. You could have just gone on to the part about them picking out furniture. That's just my humble opinion though. Overall, I enjoyed it and I hope you keep this up!.
Hope I didn’t babble too much. Very good fic!
(If you could, I would greatly appreciate if you could review my very short fic "Auspicious Beginning" **big puppy eyes**. I really want to hear from authors that I like because this is my very first fic ever and I respect your opinion. It's ok if you don't though; I still like your fic! Disclaimer-I'm putting this request on all of my positive reviews because I want to get better, and this is the best way I can think of. If you have already read it, my most sincere thanks, you rock!)
| smiling cat chapter 2 . 4/16/2007
I enjoied this very much, it makes sense and doesn't rush things. It's very realistic.
| Anne Packrat chapter 2 . 4/16/2007
Too bad the Elrics aren't around. I'd love to see Ed pound some sense into Zeke. I guess Winry will have to do it now.
Still going along swimmingly. I enjoyed it muchly.
| dennisud chapter 2 . 4/16/2007
Good to see the two at least agreeing to take them in and of course being who they are everythings coming togather like a military campaign. Should be a fun trip to see how they deal with Zeke and Beth.
Also I see your brining in Winry! Oh I can se sparks flying between her and Zeke.
Oh and will this be a Roy/Riza centric fic or will we see Al and maybe Ed in some way?
Still a great start setting things up quite nicely!
P.S.- BTW I'd love to see a Post ovie fic with Ed and Winry!
Yeah they're in separate worlds but I think things can happen to bring them together as well as Al and ...Rose?
| Martrex chapter 2 . 4/16/2007
Very good. I think that it could probably do with a bit more interaction between Roy and Riza about their relationship (or lack thereof).
Can't wait for more!
| The Tiramisu Of Impending Doom chapter 1 . 4/14/2007
Okay, this is pretty fricking awesome. Surprised you don't have billions of reviews. This isn't your typical Royai, in my opinion. Maybe a little more indepth than what people usually write. You have a great attention to detail, which is nice, and I always love the imagery of Riza sleeping against him on the train. Very sweet. I love your characterizations too, and I'm curious to see what would happen next. Looks like this will be an exciting tale. Keep it coming!
| Lou Nebin chapter 1 . 4/14/2007
I like it so far, keep writing!
| Mrs. Jean Grey-Summers chapter 1 . 4/14/2007
t's really good so far! continue quickly, please!