Reviews for Twilight Princess
Tenial chapter 2 . 3/19/2008
Wow... MORE, please, more! :D

I found the inclusion of Ganondorf's imprisonment and Zelda's defeat to be VERY well done.

I want to read more, tho! More!
RandomTopic chapter 2 . 2/20/2008
Well, this looks pretty promising! I like the change from the wooden sword- I never liked that sword. A club would probably be more effective.
Elfa chapter 2 . 2/10/2008
Great! One more novelization! I'm looking forward for this story as well! But tell me... Are you Ocarina of time and Twilight princess novelizations related? Are we going to find events from you other fanfiction in this story?
Krissey-da-Cougar chapter 2 . 12/15/2007
AMAZING! You must continue this soon! It's absolutely beautiful!
WinchesterPhantom chapter 2 . 12/14/2007
Hey Peptuck!

I was just playing this game at my friend's house today...good job so far with Link, he's an awesome guy! Like how you've modified it a bit, makes it a better story. There isn't much more I can say but I can't wait until Midna comes into the annoying as she is TP wouldn't be the same without her.

I wish you all the best with this and I cannot wait until your next update.

Ganheim chapter 2 . 9/29/2007
they hadn’t bothered removing his armor or other gear, and even adapted to the desert, it was uncomfortable.

[Though this may be a minor point, I think it would be a little more clear if you removed the comma after ‘desert’. Doing so would prevent that little phrase from looking like a parenthetical expression.]

All this vaunted talk of justice . . . Hypocrites.”

[I can see Ganon pausing to spit, as if using ‘justice’ in reference to them was a poison.]

they all looked the same, white-clad servants of the pathetic Goddesses.

[I think the narrative would be better served by a period than a comma.]

“You have invaded Hyrule, and attempted to usurp the rule of the Royal Family,”

[To help the narrative flow more smoothly, I would structure both charges the same: I’d remove the ‘have’.]

and both your crimes and the will behind them have made your life forfiet.”

[I believe the spelling is ‘forfeit’, unless there’s a dialect difference I’m unaware of.]

Twilight has a somewhat different approach than Ocarina, making it a fun side diversion to work on as I write other stories.

[A remarkably different approach, and I wish I had played it before I started “The Warrior Prince”, because I like the slightly deeper, darker, even truer feel that TP has as opposed to OoT. If I wasn’t so busy with five stories I’m concurrently working on now, I might want to pick up and novelize TP myself.

The only thing I have to state is that I wouldn’t be jamming the games together. Despite the tendency of many to link the games together, with rare exception I enjoy them more as stand-alone works.]

Chapter One: Peace

this was as much a pleasant game as it was part of his own personal self-imposed duties.

[I like how you altered the scene slightly, it eliminates any possibility of making it look like Rusl is handing off the violence of his generation to some unknowing stranger, this makes it more like he’s just a benevolent teacher passing on skills to the next champion to step up. It also emphasizes the realism of Link rising to the challenge of being the swordsman to save Hyrule by giving him some fore-experience with swordplay and more importantly establishing his character.]

He’d spent thirty of his fifty-five years of life serving the Royal Family,

[I like how you set out Rusl’s past, though I wanted to point out that in conscriptionary and even for the rare volunteer-based Middle Age societies, the point where a boy became considered a fighting-age man was as young as thirteen. I wouldn’t recommend that young, but fifteen would probably be a good point for real Middle Age European societies that Hyrule was likely based off of.]

The sun continued to descend, and the forest steadily darkened.

[I was slightly disappointed to see Link turned much more mute in this version, one of the things I like about novelizations is the ability of the author to fill in those lines that Nintendo refuses to actually give Link, and sometimes it can feel like the author is too lazy or unconfident to do so when Link is left a mute. I liked the back-and-forth waxing slightly philosophical last time, pity that I don’t have a copy of your old version. Of course, keep in mind that I’m one reader in your audience.]

and a sleeveless white shirt, before stepping outside into the morning sunshine.

[A flowing sequence of action like this doesn’t need a comma.]

Link nodded and stood up, and waved to Fado.

[ARGG! It frustrates me to no end when people tack on one character’s actions to another character’s dialogue. It’s not good to the writers, grammar, or anything! Separate!]

It was run by a large, portly red-haired woman named Sera,

[‘large’ and ‘portly’ mean very similar things. I also want to point out that the lack of a comma after ‘portly’ causes it to look like it’s linked to the adjective ‘red-haired’ instead of another in the series describing the woman.]

waving to his pupil. The boy nodded in reply to his teacher.

[You’re mixing sources again.]

turning the goat’s momentum against it.

[Since you use momentum below (and I can’t think of a better synonym in that instance), I’d use ‘motion’ or ‘speed’ or something for here.]

and collided heavily on its side.

[You mean ‘landed’ heavily?]

and became easily confused when they were thrown aside,

[Or when suddenly disoriented, as many cattle would be, particularly in such ‘throwings’?]

I think a nice traveling vacation would do you some good out there.

[I think, based on the general feel and flow from the surrounding narrative, that either ‘traveling’ or ‘vacation’ alone would work better here.]

[Though the goat herding was in the game, I found that it didn’t seem to add anything to the narrative.]

sliding into an even guard, both legs spaced out at shoulder width, his left leg forward. If he’d been carrying a shield, he would have reversed the position, but with no shield he was relying on his blade for defense.

[I loved this detail, this is something I didn’t learn until I had been reading and studying swordplay for a few years. Granted, each school seems to have different procedures.]

“Then we shall hold here,”

[Stark lines uttered many times before. Used well again here.]

I feel Link does a lot of what he does in the game for his hometown; much like the hobbits in the Lord of the Rings

[I feel your point is quite valid, and you seemed to strike that narrow range between ‘too much game’ and ‘too much narrative’. Aside from the goat herding, I think that everything you kept in was something that added to the story and the things left out were unmissed.]

I had to introduce the characters of the village without getting too deep into them;

[Doing the ‘shallow’ or smaller introductions also opens up the often powerful option of flashbacks and later ponderances on why he’s out there. That’s something that I thought was a tad lacking among Frodo’s arc in Tolkien’s The Two Towers if remembered in Return of the King.]

This is mostly because the wooden blade isn't that effective of a weapon, and I have a notorious tendency to give my characters backup weapons

[And something that I feel is much more true to reality. Personally, I would have left Link’s displayed weapon a wooden long sword because this would emphasize his tool of practice and choice and make it feel more likely that he would have sufficient mastery later without getting hung up on having to get used to the longer blade – and the differences between a long sword and short sword, when _you’re_ the one actually using them, are drastic. Of course, it’s quite possible that Link could have a knife or short sword as a backup weapon.]

in order to ensure I am operating at peak factual accuracy;

[A fact which would cause some to call ‘geek’ but I say makes you an immaculate writer/researcher. I’ve done the same thing with the script of Fire Emblem (which was extremely annoying with all the subtle branching depending on who you have).]

All in all I thought this was extremely well done. There were a few points where I feared that Link was going to be turned into a mute, but I was happy to see you decided to take the more realistic route of a speaking Link. I will definitely be following this interpretation, keep the strong writing going.

God bless and happy writing,

Captain Lycan chapter 2 . 9/10/2007
Pretty cool so far! I was under the impression that WW and TP take place in alternate universes. Oh well it's fanfiction and a pretty well written bit of fanfiction at that. The level of detail is pretty good(better than the stuff I've written). Update soon!
Hawki chapter 2 . 9/1/2007
Overall this was a good chapter. The initial stages of Ordon are indeed the slowest in the game although you managed to sustain a good degree of interest, keeping the pacing up. It would be good to increase the pacing in subsequent chapters but the game makes provision for this so that shouldn't be a problem. BTW, you called Fado "Fasl" in the initial sections.

I haven't seen 300 but is the quote "take from them everything, give back nothing?" Seemed appropriate.

Anyway, good job.
Hawki chapter 1 . 9/1/2007
Interesting choice for a prologue, and perhaps a bit 'spoilerish' for the context of a novelisation. Meh. Good portrayal of Ganondorf and the sages.
0-Crimson-0-Nightshade-0 chapter 1 . 8/16/2007
O.o As with your Ocarina of time fic, this has me at the edge of my seat! its so amazing!
Colette chapter 2 . 7/21/2007
heh...give them nothing, take from them everything...reminds me of that line from Pirates of the Carribean“take what you can and give nothin back” lol...anyway great fanfic! r u still updating on it? please do, cuz its really good!
Laura chapter 2 . 7/20/2007
Awesome fic, I hope you're still working on it. I love how everybody is very much in character so far, and I particularly like your Link.

I'm definitely looking forward to the next chapters, I'll be checking your OoT fic too, as soon as I have completed the game that is!
Kathryn chapter 2 . 6/20/2007
I'm not exactly Phoenix Wright, but I figure you could use a little defense:

To all the Timeline Theorists, it's a fanfic. Let it go.

Unfortunately, even with Aonuma quotes, Timeline Theory is a highly subjective issue, especially since, particularly with Zelda, Nintendo seems to concentrate on Gameplay first and Story second. Furthermore, all the bigwigs seem to disagree or contradict each other. Myamoto himself has said that Twilight Princess takes place between Ocarina and Wind Waker, and many in-game connections seem to agree. For example, take a long, hard look at Ilia's character design, give her TP-Link's hairdo, and who do you get? In case you don't see it, lemmie give you a hint... The official eye-color of Wind Waker Link is green, portrayed by a black to hazy-green gradient. :) Other characters, such as Renado, seem to be somewhere in the gene pool between the two games.

It also needs to be said that before the Aonuma interview (which was in Japanese) was dug up, the immediate conclusion was that Twilight Princess favored a single timeline, due to context. The fact that Aonuma contradicts something Myamoto said tells me that this is either not an issue Nintendo is particularly concerned with, or that they actually disagree. With that in mind, I'd have to lean toward Myamoto's explanation. After all, at the end of the day it is *his* series, and everything that is done must pass over his desk for approval and comment.

If you ask me, Aonuma's probably grasping for answers. The series has never been overly-concerned with continuity, but he's always pressured by fans to say *something*. That said, he also liked hinting that Link would show "feelings" for Zelda in this game, which simply did not happen. I'm usually a canon-nazi, and that almost always includes dev/author quotes, but with Zelda, all you can do is accept that there *are* contradictions and that in some cases, there is no real answer. This isn't a carefully-planned story with a definite beginning and end like Harry Potter. We as fans can only attempt to come up with our own understanding.
SkywrdSwrd chapter 2 . 6/11/2007
I have read a few Twilight Princess stories, and so far, I like this one he most. Quick Question: Can you, by any chance, feature the Fierce Deity Mask? Please?
The Real Sidekick chapter 2 . 6/1/2007
Hm, A LOZ:TP narrative. I like it. You've captured the essense of Zelda here and you deserve to be commended. I honestly wasn't too concerned about Epona being a stallion, nor was I concerned with the minor changes you've made (wood sword becoming a metal short sword) so don't worry about that. One question that I have is about Link and Ilia. I know that this is only the second chapter, but are you going to delve deeper into their relationship? I mean in the game, Link goes farther for Ilia than he has ever gone for Zelda. Just a thought. Also, the 300 quote was well placed. If this was a movie, would that be a Gerard Butler cameo? "Give them nothing, take from them everything!" Either way, good job on starting something amazing here and I also look forward to your other stories too.

Keep up the good work.

Always at the Author's Side,

The Real Sidekick
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