Reviews for Twilight Princess
Mark Graham chapter 2 . 5/29/2007
Please update!

Your story is awsome! Write more NOW!

!

DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

Your patiant friend Mark
Red-Firaga chapter 2 . 5/3/2007
i haven't ever played Twilight, but i have the other games and sounds just like what a Zelda game should be! Great novelization!

Keep it up!
InuYoukaiDamien chapter 2 . 4/30/2007
“Give them nothing! Take from them everything!”

Points for what, may I ask?

300 was an awesome movie.
Altum chapter 2 . 4/29/2007
Good chapter. I like how you're taking the game itself and making it into a novel without really messing up the feel. Not a whole lot to comment on this chapter, however.

As for the comment in the author's note, which I know was to me, I didn't realized they mentioned underworld in there. However, as for canon, there are comments outside of the game itself from Aonuma that does indeed say that Ganon was not captured due to Link going back in time and ratting him out. Instead, he was left to himself, and a few years later he was arrested for whatever act he committed.

However, you can choose not to incorporate that, though I am pointing out that it was the producer's intent for it to be this way, and not the way you've written it. I'll fish up the source later.
Twilight Stallion chapter 2 . 4/28/2007
Hey! I'm finally glad to have found a novelization of Twilight Princess! And I find it to be good, too! I just have one critisism: you refer to Epona as a stallion, which is not correct. A stallion is actually an uncastrated MALE horse. The proper term for Epona is a mare, a female horse. I'm just a little picky about that sort of thing, because I'm a horseperson, but I thought you ought to know. Besides that, I have no complaints. Great adaptation, hoping you update it soon!
Reckless Courage chapter 2 . 4/28/2007
Wow! Amazing story. It's on my favorites now. One quick comment though: Epona would be a mare. Stallions are male horses...
TwinTrouble chapter 2 . 4/28/2007
Col. (drools)

Ahem. Twin2 here. I've been reading your Ocarina of Time novellization and hoping that you'd do one for Twilight Princess. And here it is! Yay!

Please keep it up! I can't wait for the next chapter!

Twin2, over and out.
Shadow Wisher chapter 2 . 4/28/2007
And thus, you did a good job.

i really like this chapter, espically the surrendering of Hyrule Castle, considering Twilight fall on Hyrule in a matter of, what, three days?

Keep up the good work.

Flameshield
BetweenheavenandHell chapter 2 . 4/28/2007
Prologue worked for me, can't see much grounds for people making timeline complaints for a game series that has no timeline but oh well lol. Obviously not much really happening at this point in the story, though moving the invasion sequence from flashback to side-by-side was a nice touch, helped keep things interesting as well as the speculation about the Link/Ila dynamic, I do like the way you build on characters and in that regard am rather intrigued as to what you'll do with Midna when she eventually enters the scene.

Slight techinical critique; using the term Stallion (male horse) to describe a Mare?

Keep up the good work

BH&H
Yama-san chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
Very inresting staring from the half way point in the game. Compared to starting from the beginning.
Altum chapter 1 . 4/18/2007
Very well written. While there isn't a whole lot of stuff that you had to work with, you followed the scene pretty well. While there isn't a whole lot to review here, there is a glaring problem:

You're contradicting confirmed canon.

First off, Link from Ocarina of Time was confirmed not to have had any relation to the fall of Ganondorf in Twilight Princess. Link went back in time, told Zelda what was going on, and they decided to let Ganondorf remain free as Link wasn't going to open the entrance to the Sacred Realm. It's not until a few years after that point that Ganondorf actually commits whatever crime he commits.

It's kind of minor, but I see where your going with this, and as a novelization it shouldn't contradict canon. Do some research :)

Also, the term "underworld" used isn't a good word choice. The Twilight Realm isn't like a hell or anything, it's just a parallel dimension in the same sense that the Sacred Realm or Termina are. Besides, the Underworld is an actual physical place in Hyrule, literally a network of caves and such under the surface of Hyrule that is connected by temples and such. It's where Link does his battling in the very first game.

That stuff aside... I enjoyed the retelling of the story, but you need to make it apparent that this isn't a novelization because of the contradicting of canon.

Hopefully I didn't piss you of, haha. If you need any help with stuff like this as your write, ask me some questions through private messages or something.
Raskol chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
I just spent my freetime for today reading this. And, I must say that you're my hero.

I suppose that you're aiming to make this wonderful enough so that even people who haven't played the game can visualize everything, like in Gunblade. And, since I haven't played the game [and I barely know the plotline], I guess I'm a test audience in a manner. Great. This'll read like an original story to me, and I'll give you my thoughts as such.

[Fitting. Born in these desolate wastes, only to return to them to die.] - Good first line. The only qualm I have with this is that the latter phrase of the second sentence sounds awkward. Any way you can rephrase it?

[Sweat was gathering under his brow,; they hadn’t bothered removing his armor or other gear, and even adapted to the desert, it was uncomfortable.] - First of all, you have a typo there. Comma, semicolon. Second of all, the to-be verb you used in the first phrase weakened your sentence. Why not: "Sweat gathered beneath his brow..."

[He gnashed his teeth, his wrists aching, and instead directed his ire ahead, at the six who stood before him.] - The way you phrased the sentence suggested that his gnashing of his teeth had something to do with his wrists aching.

In general, speech attribution combined with an action weakens the sentence. "Blah, blah, blah." He did this. That creates more of an impact on the reader.

["...we Sages have ruled that you cannot be allowed to live. We do not condone death such as this, but you are too dangerous to be allowed to live.”] - I winced. Erm...It's very repetitive.

That paragraph describing his rage as he died was also repetitive. He felt angry as he died, and he felt angry as death approached...As he felt himself dying, hatred filled him. That's essentially what you're saying, and again, it's repeptitive.

Heh. I like how the prologue isn't too overly descriptive. Characterization of Ganondorf was done very well. I myself don't really know what the Sages look like, but that's all good. I'm allowed some room for some imagination.

You very much like -ing verbs. Hm. It breaks up your writing at points, especially in your longer pieces. Since this one was short, it was quite alright, though there were points when I thought that a simple rephrasing could make some sentences more concise and flowy, if y'know what I mean.

Also, in this chapter, I've noticed how you almost completely avoided using said for dialogue attribution; again, it's not too bothersome [the chapter's short], but when it gets longer, I usually tend to start wondering what synonym the author will use next, meaning that I don't pay attention to the story. Because, let's face it. The dialogue tags are just dialogue tags. When you're enthralled in a story, you end up completely ignoring the said/growled/snarled/etc. It's extraneous. The reader just needs to know who said the particular phrase, not how the particular phrase is said; there's a voice in the reader's mind that gives the tone of the voice already. In other words, I'm just saying that, when you pick up a book, you can cut out all the dialogue tags and just focus on the dialogue itself, and you'll notice that your own mind gives you the feel of how the phrase is being said. Understand what I mean?

Ah. That's my nitpicking for the day. And my freetime for the day. Overall, it's a great start. ;)

-Temeraire
tanimax chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
Beginning T3h uber pwnage.

An excellent backstory of the banishing of Gannondorf. You could have left it till the proper point in the game to put this in... I'm wondering why you decided to use it as a prologue?
spikestrife chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
A decent start Peptuck. I'm not too keen with the beginning showing that Ganondorf was banished, considering you find it out quite late in the game and it sort of dawns 'so that's why all this is happening'. But we'll see how it goes.

Twilight Princess, IMO, was incredible and I'm sure you'll be able to pull off another excellent novelisation as you have done before. Looking forward to seeng the rest of this. And good luck.
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