|Reviews for Bloody Abyss|
| Coronae chapter 3 . 12/26/2010
Wow. Way to relieve the tension.
I like that you did not inform us of the flashbacks or timeskips. So many people these days feel compelled to state so, rather than imply it in their writing. Although, I am curious... Why use an 'X' when the website allows the use of line/page breaks?
/Unaccustomed to flying the first time he had "barrowed" the airship and its pilot, Asch /
| Coronae chapter 2 . 12/26/2010
My God, your Ginji's such a laugh. This was very cute, despite Asch's irritation. :)
Ah, but there were some errors in this.
/"Are you cold? Your shaking, you know." Ginji informed him with what was probably a wide smile./
Isn't it, 'you're shaking'?
/Runes within runes, thier Scorian symbolism /
But otherwise, this was perfect. :D
| Coronae chapter 1 . 12/26/2010
(Please excuse any errors in this and if it is incoherent. It is currently 6:56AM, and I am writing this as I read it. XD)
I believe this is the first time I have read a fanfic which has any interpretation of Duke Fabre and Suzanne's relationship beyond a superficial level; I've never even thought of the burdens her sickness may bring, nor, even, that Duke Fabre would be so strongly affected by it. He always was portrayed as stoic, and his distancing himself from his son(s) did not help his image whatsoever. And for you to have written of Asch's interactions with his mother! I cannot stress enough just how utterly wonderful that idea is! I love it. :D
/"Some part of him, a selfish angry part, wanted to reach out, shake her shoulder, make her listen... He had so much more to tell."/
Asch is still a child in some respects, after all. Although it is not uncommon to see him written as a jerk or a softie, there is some originality in seeing him so utterly vulnerable for a reason, or someone, whom is not Natalia. It makes him seem more well-rounded, more flawed, and all the more tragic. It is a very, very interesting take on his character!
/""So you have." Asch admitted quietly. "I... was twelve... when Van... made the switch." "/
I thought that Asch was ten when he was taken?
/" And in the light of the newly made, the clean blue sky he saw light brown locks and dancing hazel eyes. "/
If you were referring to Natalia... Is she not blonde?
In any case, I adore your style. Truly, I do. You are able to paint such vivid pictures and are able to elicit and convey emotions so well! Your descriptions of every action and sense are exceptional. 3
| thelittlestcrane chapter 7 . 4/23/2009
I love! Asch laughed! Can't wait to read more!
| Demons Hiding chapter 7 . 12/25/2007
Actually, I just read a story with Asch being reincarnated as a doggy. xD
| Ana Paula92 chapter 7 . 8/3/2007
incredible chapter, as always.
I love your writing!
Please keep it up!
| kayter chapter 6 . 7/19/2007
I'm so glad you didn't gave up on this :D
I'm not used to leave any reviews, even in histories I like, y'know... I don't think my english is good enough to make a critical observation or... eh... make a smart comment about it xD
So, I'm sorry, I won't comment in every chapter you update, in fact, I don't think I'll ever leave a review in your history again, but if it makes it up to you, I want you to know that I really like it and that i'm gonna add it to my favorites ;D
That's all, bye
| Nips chapter 6 . 7/16/2007
Woah. I was impressed by the way you had Asch use his tabard. How very stealthy of him... His pride must be very outstanding for him to go to such great lengths just not to be seen. xD And speaking of his tabard... I noticed that you used the word "cascot". I know that "tabard" isn't an exact description for the thing he wears over his tunic, as it's too long to be a proper tabard, but I looked up "cascot" and I don't believe that it's even a word. I don't want to sound overly imposing, but why did you choose that particular word to describe that overgarment that he wears?
Terminology aside, I found a lot of your descriptions to be very poetic. Your word choice and phrasing is very creative; I can't say that I've read anything quite like it. It's interesting to visualize the details you put forth, and that in itself is quite the refreshing feeling. Your depiction of Asch is also interesting, as comparatively fewer people bare his soft side through platonic relationships, and even fewer through relationships with NPCs. It was nice to see the "Loving Son" interaction, and the rocky relationship with Ginji is something I can see. I'm glad to see the brother pilot being given a defining personality; there are so many possibilities surrounding his canon character.
It wasn't something that appeared in the game, but I really like the bitterness with which Asch views himself. This line especially stuck to me: "My mother's sick. She needs medicine. You wouldn't believe me capable of caring for someone like that, would you, Ginji?" It reminds me a lot of Luke's neverending, self-defacing comments in game.
However... Your fic is far from flawless, and a big part of that is grammar and spelling. For example, the above quote was originally "My Mother's sick, she needs medicine. You wouldn't believe me capable of caring for someone like that, would you Ginji?" I thought it was such a sad thing for him to say, and yet the grammatical errors stab so strongly at my eyes... And that's far from the only place with errors. Your fic would be so much more enjoyable if only you would proofread it - or if you honestly can't spot the problems, get a beta reader or a friend to check things. If you can't get either of those, then heck, I wouldn't mind doing it. I just want to see this fic be the best it could be. I really enjoyed it, so it would be a shame to see it marred by something as silly as incorrect punctuation.
| kayter chapter 5 . 6/29/2007
I AM aware of this: "Updated: 05-22-07"
That probably means that you gave up on this
But I hope you will continue this? Someday?
| Yami-chan and Unrealistic chapter 4 . 5/11/2007
YC: Haha! Love it! Throwing Ginji in there is a perfect balance to Asch. I look forward to an update! *adds to alerts*
| Yami-chan and Unrealistic chapter 1 . 5/11/2007
YC: This is great so far. I can't wait to finish reading more!
| Aiwethryne chapter 4 . 5/10/2007
Yeah, I wouldn't really mind about length you have it at. But longer is good, yep. UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! o
| allhats chapter 3 . 5/4/2007
I loved this chapter.
| Aiwethryne chapter 3 . 5/2/2007
! ... ... ... ...Good.
| allhats chapter 2 . 4/30/2007