Reviews for To Forge the Master
Axcel chapter 2 . 5/13/2015
This chapter made a lot more sense with the sword. I should've seen that coming, but part of me hoped from the title of the fic that part of the quest would be reforging the Master Sword. That'd be rather badass.
Axcel chapter 1 . 5/13/2015
Rauru should have recognized Link anyway, though. As for the Master Sword being rusted...really? A sword that has existed since their world was recently created and life filled a mere tiny spot and the rest was barren, rusted? Yeah, because it isn't like it's so heavily enchanted and blessed that the mere idea of it rusting is ridiculous. Besides, it is separate from time. That is literally it's job.
Ganheim chapter 20 . 2/15/2012
Chapter 20

archers lining the battlement

[I’m a little confused: what happened to the plot to herd or bait the moblins? It sounds by the terms normally only used for stone fortifications that they’re all in castletown]

began to scale the haphazard wall

[Actually, you’d want the enemy to be fully throughout the area you’re going to use explosives on. More fatalities per bomb]

The castle's moat

[Or city’s, given that they haven’t fought through that yet]

by and large they did not even seem to know the castle was there

[They might not make any motions towards it, but I find it difficult that they wouldn’t know a castle or fortified city is there. Kinda visible]

thunder drownd out

[drowned]

The moblin army was nowhere in sight

[What about the Mysterious Orb?]

Chapter 21

stopping to pick up a golden seashell and hold it to her ear

[The hermit crab inside pinches her]

They allow you to listen in on what is happening in Hyrule. The shells on this island are for important figures in Hyrule…The ones on the big island are people who are important to you, and you can listen to them any time

[This is actually quite creative. Never seen something like this in any of the games I’ve seen]

I'll heal your wounds

[What wounds? There were plenty before, now it’s like as soon as the battle’s over his HP magically snaps back to full. At least he was cold during the sleetstorm, but that’s still rather far from his ‘weak as a wet kitten’ state that I pointed to as problem before. The state then and now seem too different for me to accept both, and since the first one has been around longer that’s the one your audience will likely stick to.

Another point: while he’s desperately struggling to keep all Hyrule from being annihilated, wouldn’t THAT have been a good time to heal him every vision or so?]

Sword leaned again

[against]

More confidently he

[confidently,]

for the water to turn red

[I’d have just said “to redden” because that leaves more ambiguity. Bath water turns red when somebody with deep slices bleeds out into it. People with a little blood on their hands dilutes that blood into a little pink, which you already pointed out with the cloth at the bowl]

torso, "whole, again."

[again?”]

them open the moblin

[open,]

I heard a rumor there is a place in the desert called the Cave of Ordeals

[*cough*gameregurgigation*cough*]

Several of her Gerudo sister

[sisters]

nothing more then an echo

[than]

An interesting reimagining of the Legend of Zelda saga. I thank you for not trying to make too much of linking together the different games – by word of the creators, most of the games are entirely separate (partly because they don’t want to go through the work of MAKING them all one continuous narrative), and while you CAN piece them together into one contiguous tale I find that unnecessary. Each is strong enough to stand on its own, and letting them remain that way sometimes forms a stronger internal narrative. A couple minor linguistic aspects interrupted the readability, but there weren’t a great deal of problems there. The biggest complaints I personally have are the moments where I think you were trying to stay too close to the games – a story is a medium transfer and there are necessary changes whenever you translate something from one to another (like a book to a movie). All in all not a bad run.
Ganheim chapter 18 . 2/15/2012
Chapter 18

True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost." Arthur Ashe

[That’s new]

Taking his plate he

[plate,]

The ground was dark brown, and though it looked firm, each step the horses took made a wet sucking noise and left a small pool of water behind

[Not a frequent portrayal of swamp, but I’ve seen such in real life. Good portrayal]

With methodical slowness they army crawled toward the castle

[What is ‘army crawled’? That’s a rather specific dialectism and has about as much meaning as a linguist talking about the Old English dative case to a non-linguist. “creeped” or “slunk” is more widely understood and contains essentially the same meaning]

At odds with the crumpling castle were several places high on the walls that had been smudged so the gray stone peeked through

[It’s grimy and run-down, how’s that at odds with the crumbling castle?]

Twenty? That's all.

[all?]

there isn't any clues

[Number agreement: aren’t]

A letter addressed to the Princess should go straight to her."

"You have a very simple view of the world

[Simple and true]

actually make it."

[it?”]

warn them about the moblin?"

[Just one? I can see it now: “It was THIS big!” or “Look! It’s Moblinzilla!]

Hot water had never felt so good

[I know they might want hot water, but if you stop and think about it there’s a LOT of infrastructure needed to support hot water – that or geothermal hotsprings. Even the remarkably cleanliness-conscious culture of Japan (which has of course not been consistent across its hundreds of years of history) did not see artificial hot water often away from cities of several thousand people. The costs are simply too much for a poor village eking out a subsistence lifestyle, even if there is an abundance of wood for fuel]

rinsing off and sinking into the water to soak

[From the description I presumed that they’re taking a “mediterranian bath”, or you dump water from a bucket over you, scrub, then repeat until the grime is gone enough that you’re satisfied. Usually not more than two or three buckets’ worth water in any given bathing session, hence why you didn’t take too long]

This isn't a few moblin

[Moblinzilla…s!]

Everyone pack only the essentials and leave."

[With as much a head start as the moblins have, wouldn’t they have already passed this point?]

"Your duty is to Hyrule, the kingdom and the Princess

[Strange though I know it’s going to sound, I still have to say it: the princess is not the kingdom. Rohan fought at Helm’s Deep not (simply) because they were making a bid for survival, but because a fortification allows a few to defend against many]

Water sloshed over the huts, quickly dousing the flames

[Since scale is still hard to pin down, I’m not sure if this is a small circular burst that only goes for ten or so meters and rises less than 2 meters high over huts that are themselves dug into the ground…or if it’s a titanic shockwave smashing across acres and annihilating raised houses]

I'm going to sweep the village for survivors and stray helmasaurs that need to be killed."

[Interesting, many stories portray helmasaur as a significant (even ‘boss-level’) creature]

Sheik tried in vain to hitch

[Shiek trying?]

but could not leave the cart to help

[Why not? Or did you mean would not? That also wouldn’t fully seem to fit his level of interaction with Shiek]

They live most of their lives as hermits

[I am compelled to point out that this is pure fantasy folklore. When you separate yourself from people, all interactive skills from charismatic to martial fade. You can “practice alone”, but the phrase practice makes perfect is a lie. Practice makes habit, and without anybody to watch you, you have no idea how your technique is (de)volving. The best you could hope for with a lonely life is for your interactive skills to stagnate]

I don't believe they would choose a champion that could not truly defend it."

[Ooh, that would be interesting. I’ve seen tales like this in Grecian folklore where the various amoral (neither ‘good or evil’ as most Westerners would say) gods would challenge each other, using people like chess pieces…and they would occasionally make mistakes and lose]

news is, even moblins

[I think the comma is unnecessary. A ‘that’ would provide a transition without also creating a stop (which punctuation does)]

Chapter 19

eating only went they absolutely must

[when?]

"Hey there, big boy."

[I get the gag and the evolution of sociopolitical standing, but is it really fitting? First, hadn’t the guards already cleared the crowds away? An intimate gesture as is made is not made from several meters away. Also: this seems to take the story into a tangent. The vast majority of your chapter preceding this has been setting up the threat of Ganon and the dire situation of Hyrule. Supposedly this has gotten at least to Zelda – how is it that the crowds know Link is even back in the first place? Why all the cheering and shy treatment when doom and gloom has been fairly consistent? It’s like Tolkien’s work trying to set up the threat of The One Ring, then suddenly sending the hobbits to Tom Bombadil in the Lord of the Rings: his lack of reaction to this heretofore terrifying artifact suddenly shatters all of that work]

Blue eyes slid smoothly back and forth as she read

[She’s only getting to it now?]

The only person in this room you need to worry about right now is the Princess."

[Good, because nobody else has really been mentioned. The king being there would be extremely awkward for your scene]

portly man with gray, greased back hair and a goatee

[Portly: check. Greased hair: check. Goatee: check. My cliche-ometer says within one sentence of this character’s introduction that he’s an antagonist]

"I don't need to see the foal to know the mare is pregnant

[Very interesting way of making the statement]

How do you put up with him?"

Link shifted his weight uncomfortably even as a smile pulled at the edge of his lips. "Head wounds, I believe, my lady

[Remember my earlier note about tangents taking the audience out of the story? This is a short way of bringing the audience emotionally out of the pall created, short enough to keep full cognizance of the threat and peripheral troubles without making them too constant or overwhelming. Good show]

He lifted the armor

[Weren’t they going to leave the armor for after the meeting?]

happy with its fit

[Thank you for using the correct possessive]

preferably one that does not cause a draft

[Up until the age of professional armies (and even that only in cases of relatively uneven wars like the British invasion of the Falklands), the draft was always the first option. Few nations were wealthy enough to maintain a standing army and skilled or equipped personnel are in short supply - even Rome with its famous first professional army had local drafting]

I like you. You upset them." "I don't mean too." "All the better

[Good quip]

a furrow cut vertically that caused the shield to buckle outwards.

[How would a blow FROM the outside cause it to buckle outwards?]

I would be to

[too]
Ganheim chapter 10 . 2/3/2012
Chapter 10

bottom a Lake Hylia

[of Lake]

“Link, he’s sick. Stop poking him!”

[I like how unexpected quips keep sneaking into otherwise dramatic scenes, especially without disrupting the established tension]

clearly marked her as a Gerudo.

[They’re back to Gerudo, again? No Garudo?]

Hair, that should never

[Superfluous comma]

I’ll play blindfolded if you like.”

Link snorted in spite of himself. “You’d probably still beat me

[Maybe try left handed? No?]

Chapter 11

those moblin wanted

[moblins]

He was distracted again as the boar stumbled

[Pity, it would’ve been interesting for Link or Shiek to nab this as a new mount]

Chapter 12

Maybe a trip to the bottom of the well?”

[I think that’s Young Link only…]

pushing of the wall

[off]

He had the traditional look of a Goron, with rock-brown skin as tough and worn-looking as old leather

[Given that Gorons are often described as looking like ROCKS, I think that ‘leather’ is a rather soft descriptor]

The next hour consisted of a great shuffle of bodies as the Gorons put the festival together

[They’re not sounding any better than the stalling Link was moaning about Thorvald doing]

we now hold The Feats of Din

[feat or feast?]

but the Goron’s did not

[Gorons]

Where’d you get this?.”

[Double punctuation]

They managed to get the armor off without getting it caught in Link’s hair

[I don’t think that’s possible]

As they passed through the inverted city many large hands slapped them on the back – making their walk more of an extended stumble

[There’s going to be bruising before they even get to the dragon]

head was almost as tall as he was an was set upon an thick neck

[I sense that this sentence changed midway through writing it, but I’m not sure what its core point is]

Triangle spines jutted

[Triangular]

as usefuless as the stars

[useless]

With all his strength he thrust it straight down into the jewel on the dragon’s head.

[Destroying the dragon which was Hyrule’s one hope for peace?]

Chapter 13

that it a large blot of darkness

[What?]

“My son is the future king and–” Sheik’s mirthless laugh

[This tag identifies the line as belonging to Shiek, not Thorvald]

you overgrown cuccos?”

[Methinks the plural doesn’t fit]

Chapter 14

oblivious to the pain the movement caused

[The setting implies he’s not oblivious, he just wills through it]

the twin blades crossed his throat so close they drew blood with each of Link’s gasping breaths

[That seems excessive, especially given that healing isn’t something they have infinite access to and a number of wounds you’ve inflicted have been effectively ignored already]

what crawled up into your brain this morning?

[I don’t think that idiom works]

Sheik shouts were

[Shiek’s]

carried wordlessly on the wind

[If the shouts become wordless, they’re not carried]

Laughter, that reminded

[Extraneous comma]

popular among the moblin.

[Or ‘moblins’ as most references to their cultural entity has been plural?]

The Garudo leapt

[Back to Garudo? Which is it? It seems like the spelling flips from one to the other every alternating scene]

being sure to swing over the heads of the servant girls who were scrambling to keep out of the chaos.

[Interesting detail that doesn’t necessarily expand a great deal on what is happening in the room, but does provide some information on the captive Gerudo as well as Savas’ personality and level of control]

as the moblin surged forward

[There’s only one moblin now?]

as moblin gathered curiously

[moblins gathered, curious,]

smashing through the wall above the doors

[The wall that you’ve described as STONE?]

Chapter 15

if you ever jump off a cliff again, I will break both your legs!”

“You did it!” Link protested. “You pulled me over the cliff with you.”

“That was only thirty feet and there was a giant pool of water at the bottom. Not the same thing,” Sheik huffed.

“Details,”

[Now this is a great exchange]

after the rest of the moblin

[moblins]

charging after the Gerudo and a small Hyrulian girl

[So are all of the Gerudo girls running or just one? “Gerudo” in and of itself doesn’t clarify number as it can refer to a group]

horrible scrap and clang

[scrape?]

Link met the lead Gerudo’s eyes and waited

[What about all the blood loss, headaches, and hazing vision? You’re flip-flopping between Link being ready to fight and weaker than a wet kitten]

Link watched as Sheik dug a bottled fairy

[Let’s see…the characters were downing potions like water in the beginning of your story, now they’re going through faries as if they had a similarly infinite supply, with the staggered escalation I wonder what’s next: nanotech infusion? Wait, fantasy…drinking a solution of ground alicorn? Another issue is that one fairy completely healed a mortally wounded Shiek, why is Link popping them like pills?]

Chapter 16

It covered no more ground than Hyrule Castle's courtyard

[Some castles cover multiple courtyards (Twilight Princess, for example, besides many real ones). “courtyard” isn’t a fixed unit of measure like a meter, cubit, or acre, so how big this space is we don’t have any idea – despite the number of novelizations of Ocarina of Time, they’re all quite varied in things as simple as scale so each one needs to provide its own specificity. Hyrule itself varies from one game or story to the next, in some it’s just a city state as we might see from its appearance in Ocarina of Time, in others it’s a sprawling, cosmopolitan monarchal empire covering millions of people]

But there is nowhere else to go, so it has to do something

[Or it’s a red herring]

but still seeing nothing but

[Repetition]

rolling between a zola's legs

[I don’t think Link is small enough to attempt something like this]

as a fresh wave of pain shot up from the sword

[It seems rather unintelligent to me for continuing use of a sword that’s basically rapidly burning his health. Does he not have the capability to use it in a non-magical method? Or can’t he improvise use of one of the monsters’ weapons? He seems to realize that even touching the sword is having longer-term detriments, so it’s making less and less sense for him to continue using it as the crutch he has]

One more and your test will be complete

[Another question: Din is even more aware of the magic fever (or whatever you want to call it) than Link is. Why is it that neither she nor the other goddesses are saying ‘hey, why are we equipping the hero with a weapon that’s KILLING HIM?’ Might as well say that they’d rather have the forces of darkness running around]

into the darknut's knees

[I don’t know if you’re unfamiliar with armor, but modern day isn’t too different from Gothic-style plate-mail in that the torso and legs are separate units. Even if he somehow severed all of the leather bindings in the torso, the legs have suspenders at best and would still be tethered on a padded belt. Granted, the backs of the knees would probably still be open…]

Link's muscles were more defined and

[This is all a little vague – often necessary, I know – but it also rings slightly implausible. Link getting a Level Up from the goddesses doesn’t mesh with the background and lead-in, and him spending long enough for his muscles to (re)bulk to be noticeable would be on the order of 3-4 months, which he wouldn’t survive with his magic illness]

Link's eyes rolled back in his head

[This is yet another in a long string of events where Link seems to vacillate between “raring to fight for the world” and “dying on his feet”. Please note that there is a vast gulf between those, and asking your audience to try to keep up with both (when even either one can be a test of suspense of emotional disbelief or caring) is too much. Honestly speaking, I stopped caring about whether Link was going to ‘make it’ long ago. He’s bouncing around enough between states that shouldn’t be physically possible across much longer spans of time, and now I’m waiting for the inevitable physiological waffling from “I can do it!” to “gargle *drop*”. It’s a shocking event that works once or twice, but you’ve been relying on it and I don’t buy it anymore. Is he triumphing or turning into a wet kitten? It’s got to be one or the other]

younger man over he

[over,]

Chapter 17

Her waist-length, hunter green hair

[I have no clue what ‘hunter green’ means, hunters across Eurasia wear patterns dominated by shades from practically brown-black to so pale green it’s almost white]

Garudo function by working together; to ask one to be the Hero would go against the very nature of their people

[Or you have a party of adventurers]

he could be more than a simple king

[I was starting to think that my idea of the Triforce being more an object like The One Ring was something only I’d speculated on]

with the Triforce all

[Triforce,]

our voices, guiding you, even when all others have forgotten how to listen

[After that they’ll take you to your padded room]

Garudo function by

[Not Gerudo anymore? You need to pick one]
Legate Dana Scipio chapter 21 . 1/4/2012
Excellent story! I loved the life you breathed into the major characters and the interpretation of Hyrule you presented!
Ganheim chapter 1 . 12/5/2011
Chapter 1

Last year his stepfather had helped him raise a barn to keep his own livestock in.

[A barn…for his own livestock. That’s a significant investment, for poor shepherds/farmers. Many cultures would only have raised mounds to shelter sleeping areas livestock would be stored in – the pens of high-density livestock came from old ideas]

But then, what did he know about palace security.

[Interrogatives should end in question marks]

“And you think that child is me,” Link said, unable to keep the incredulous tone

[Although it's possible that he's repeating it merely unable to accept the idea, might he be asking it in more a subconscious-refusal-to-catch-the-words sort of thing?]

The only furniture in the room was a large tube filled with steaming water.

[only _other_? And a 'large tube' doesn't clearly describe a hot tub. Example: The tube that 'JENOVA' from Final Fantasy 7 was held in was a 'large tube' but that one was taller than wide]

Tired muscles began to unknot, and the thin layer of dirt and grim began to melt.

[I don't know how everybody does it nowadays, but in the Middle Ages it was traditional to clean oneself _before_ getting into the bath, the soak itself was for clensing of the mind and tension, not removal of dirt and grime (which should have already been removed). Some societies still stick with this tradition - it's still common in Japan]

made of stained glass, that managed

[Superfluous comma]

All around him, he could hear beautiful, clear voices singing, yet there was no choir he could see.

[Does everybody have to use the regurgitation of OoT? I don’t mind the impression of music or even envisioning a choir, but the presentation seems literal instead of the character’s momentary impression]

to be part of the altar, shook and

[Superfluous comma]

Stabbed into the pedestal, was

[Unneeded comma]

a surge of icy warmth

[How is warmth icy? I could see an ‘icy chill’, but I’m a little confused by the rather opposed adjectives]

Chapter 2

"Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away." Thomas Fuller

The larger platform was covered completely in what looked like water, but like the slab he sat on, something just was not right about it. Like how it continuously cascaded over the edge, but its level never ebbed.

[Now this is very reminiscent of OoT, but not regurgitative. Cleverly put, even]

none were made of fire,

[This adds more to the mystique, but then places a burden requiring at least a hint as to what it is (or a few more of what it isn’t)]

the pummel had a crack

[pommel, I think]

now their single voice

[Number disagreement]

still he found it wholly unremarkable.

[That does not match your description]

“Where the hell do you get off?”

[Link’s point is pretty valid: what is the point of somebody else beating him up over a title somebody else declared over him?]

he forsake their gifts.

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

“She would not take from a hand she did not trust.”

[Interesting point. Seems even sagely, very different from the common use of the Gerudo]

He smiled, wrapped a leg around the saddle horn, and leaned over backward to snatch the small girl off the ground before curling back up.

[Rather complex for such a seemingly simple action. Funny how that works out, isn’t it?]

After checking the edge with his thumb,

[Why? Are there no blades of grass or reeds?]

“What do you say you and me take a walk.” It was not a question.

[Simply, even elegantly, put]

You’re respectful, even to those who are not respectful to you,”

[That is remarkably hard to do]

give me a sign.”

[Construction zone, fines doubled]

Chapter 3

Savas nodded sagely. “This is true. As the Gerudo say: The kill favors the sharpened sword.”

[That most certainly does fit their implied culture]

While not actually alcoholic,

[If it wasn’t alcoholic, would people actually drink it? The one universal I’ve seen across all cultures is brewing of some form. Okay, there are others, but making alcohol is something that’s pretty well universally held high]

as woman rushed

[women]

The bitter twang of

[tang]

Link picked it up and turned it over in his hands, unimpressed. “Oh, goody. I’ve lost everything, but you’ve seen fit to grant me a stick. Now I may yet go out a rebuild my life.”

[Reminds me of the now-inactive cartoon artist “Hail-Nekoyasha”: ‘you’ve found…a rock!’]

“There is a fine line between courage and stupidity,”

[Nay, I say there is no difference…just how much the two blur together…]

He was surprised that it did not hurt, even as rough bark tore the skin and it began to bleed.

[I’d get the divine intervention, but this is a bit much. He might ignore the pain, but not feel nothing]

Don’t lose sight of him, just because you can’t see him doesn’t mean he isn’t there.

[These seem contradictory. Maybe a more general ‘don’t lose him’, because relying purely on vision is relying on an easily deceived sense?]

Link’s body dodged and scored a hit to his back as he went past, all without the consent of Link’s brain.

[Slightly comic]

Chapter 4

not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.”

[My like favourite is ‘that which does not kill you should at least hurt enough for you to know better next time’]

They were old, and poorly maintained, but they limited his motion so much he could not get his weight and strength behind the pull.

[As are the best dungeons, eh?]

The Moblin may

[Moblins]

“You know what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

[I’d like to hear somebody tell that to cancer or amputation patients. Whoever started that moronic phrase was a douchebag]

“every living thing has a heart, a brain, and a liver.

[Except plants, and constructs like golems, although those tend to have a critical core or two as well]

as he sang.

[Pity there’s NO TUNE in text]

Chapter 5

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi

[Partially true, it also requires the power with which to do something with that will, or else you’re like the bug against the windshield]

We pick up their weapons and sell them to the next adventurer.”

[Oooh, dark. I like the nonchalant way you portrayed it]

“Well, don’t do that. You need to keep alert at all times.”

“Yes, O’ Great and Mighty Teacher.” Link smirked and Sheik smacked the back of his head.

[Points 1]

one of those Moblin

[Moblins]

mostly closed quarters,

[close]

“The sun is shining, the air is fresh, and we are on an adventure. It’s an excellent day to die!” Link rolled his eyes.

[Well, it’s funnier than other times I’ve seen that sentence]

rubbed their pincers

[Spiders have mandibles, only scorpions and lobsters have pincers]

CHAPTER 6

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THIS: TO BE ABLE AT ANY MOMENT TO SACRIFICE WHAT WE ARE FOR WHAT WE COULD BECOME.

CHARLES DUBOIS

[NICE QUOTE]

Sheik always seemed to be three moves ahead of him.

[That’s how chess works]

had to forge the river,

[_ford_ the river]

the path t-boned into another, much wider path

[“t-boned“ generally refers to a violent collision causing deformation, not something basic like “an intersection“]

Chapter 7

there is pot for when Kaimana

[is _a_ pot?]

“You’re going to make me say I’m lost, aren’t you?” Link said flatly as he crossed his arms.

[Interesting direction of exchange given the things that just happened]

“Your mounts, sirs,” Keanu said, holding out the reins of the three hippocampus he held

[Brain lobes are used for transportation?]

Chapter 8

"The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper" Aristotle

[Interesting way to break back in from the previous chapter]

pillars, that once stood

[The commas in this sentence seem unnecessary, breaking up a singular idea]

swimming horizontal to the bottom

[Not parallel?]

The blade on Link’s back pulsed, and he drew it at the unspoken command. He could feel the steady throb in his fingers and palm as it radiated from the hilt

[I like the way you portray direction but not quite sentience from the Master Sword]

It’s not funny!” he snapped again

[I think Hail-Nekoyasha did this exact gag in "Hungry“]

The room was the smallest

[next room? And given the large chunks of wood and later description shouldn’t it be the largest room?]

shattered piece of wood

[pieces]

Link would later describe it as the sound a drowning poe might make

[Link is there NOW. Why not describe it that way NOW?]

lashing at its own flash

[flesh?]

Chapter 9

beautiful foam white skin

[Foam is a color now? I thought it was a texture that could hold many shades, tones, and colors]

This caused the Garudo King

[Not Gerudo, as was mentioned in the previous chapters?]

Savas grimaced at the feeling of another rib breaking

[I’m confused – a blow to his head sends him sprawling to the ground, and he breaks a *rib*?]

The two moblin holding

[Either one or "moblins“]

he cropped the grass off close to the ground

[And so begins Link’s grasscutting service]

When the bottles each held a fairy, he put the corks back on

[I know that’s how the game worked, but if they’re cooperative why wouldn’t he just say "help me“ and have them follow him?]

Nightfire lunged forward, his broad chest forcing the Zola aside

[And their long teeth and claws? With its unarmored body? It’s not like Link is riding a dodongo here]

With both hands free, he was able to use both his sword and shield

[Except his heater shield wouldn’t be of much use unless somebody’s striking at his torso. It wouldn’t even be enough to help fend off blows against his horse]

There's a lot of good detail, and it doesn't seem like too much of a game, but I'm concerned with the inconsist
Resurrector of the Dead chapter 21 . 1/23/2009
This is an amazing story! I feel sad that I've reached the end and there's no more to read, just as one should at the end of an adventure. It sure was a wild ride! Well written and well executed; I loved it :)

Thanks for bringing us such a great adventure! :)

-RD
ehsurewhatever chapter 21 . 12/30/2008
I love the character dynamics between Link and Sheik here. It's just like one of those brotherly love-hate relationship where they're in a "I'm gonna beat you up into a bloody pulp with my bare hands!" one instance and suddenly switch off into the "Go on, I got your back" mode.

I also like how you place this as a prequel to all of the games. It's very original and it also explains everything like the origin of the master sword, and Link's never ending struggle with Ganon, and so forth. I was particularly pleased at how you gave Sheik his own character, look, background and all. :)

It's a shame that there aren't more reviews for this story. There are a couple of misspells and wrong words (ww) sprinkled around the chapters. Other than that I think the mixture of plot, humor, and actions were executed wonderfully!
Silverwing5566 chapter 20 . 8/28/2008
Oh yeah another thing I really liked was all the quotes at the beginnig I found myself trying to find out why you picked them and liked how they fit with the chapter. Where do you find them all? .
Silverwing5566 chapter 21 . 8/28/2008
Amazeing story I loved it the entire way.

It also caused to stay up way longer than I should of..lol

anyways I love how you wrote link and sheik thier charcter was perfect. I like how you added all the other links too although I had a hard time figureing if this was before or after OOT.

Awsome story hope you write more .
Zephyr Souls chapter 21 . 7/28/2008
Amazing... held my interest from start to finish. This is likely the greatest Zelda fanfic I've ever read, and probably one of my favorite works to date. There's much more I could say, but I currently can't remember it right now.

Amazing, amazing work.
snowecat chapter 21 . 6/28/2008
Great story. And you even gave a reason on why Ganon keeps coming back. Really fantastic story. Though you should have marked it complete. I'd love to see if you ever make a sequel.
MrPowell chapter 21 . 1/28/2008
good story. I like how you set it up.
Zalein chapter 21 . 12/2/2007
This was a fun read. I like how the beginning of Ganondorf is shown-not a core factor of the story, but certainly not forgotten. I also liked Sheik's character, as well as the young Ruto's prince.

This is one of those stories you read and remember that fanfiction isn't always just a showing of what's already there, but also a showing of what's beneath, around, above, and beside it, too. :)
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