Reviews for Highschool Drama
Guest chapter 3 . 5/4/2011
This a stupid suck big time!
Guest chapter 3 . 5/4/2011
This is a stupid suck big time!
Uchiha-Kirara chapter 3 . 11/2/2007
i love this i have my own accout now.i am mikannatsume or was T.T someone has my name already T.T
mikannatsume chapter 3 . 11/1/2007
cool sounds ...what a pity!i thought tenten and neji would ,can sakura fight sasuke and neji back?i mean with she just listens to their fight ad sometime,she sais somethig and thats great on writing and udpate soon

Chigiri Sasaki chapter 3 . 7/18/2007

Love your idea so far, but I'd like to point out a few things. I know I'm not perfect as well, but it doesn't hurt to improve, now does it? ;)

Well, when someone says something, start a new paragraph. It's really confusing to see every dialogue so bunched up together. Also, sometimes you forget the punctuation (periods, commas, question marks).

Don't bother explaining characters in the author's notes. A lot of people don't read them (including me, sometimes, hehe), so it tends to become a drag if you have to scroll back up to read their description. You should add the information regarding their personalities and physical appearance when they first speak up and/or when they change their outfit. Also, separate the author's notes and the chapters.

It's probably a bit better to make the chapters longer too :) . Well, it's better for the readers, anyways, since your story is truly interesting! I love the rivalry between Neji and Tenten, but don't try to make them better than everybody else. It's okay to do that once in a while, but people who don't particularly love the couple (who can't?) won't really appreciate that.

Well, that's it from me! I hope you update soon cause your story has great potential!


Tsuki no Okami chapter 2 . 5/30/2007
Come on! Make some more!
elegant-fleuret chapter 2 . 4/30/2007
Chapter One:

The first thing that stood out was the bold print. In writing there is absolutely no bold print! At all. However, it was only in the first chapter, which is easily fixable.

Every time someone speaks you start a new paragraph. Even if it’s only one word, it gets it’s own line. Along the lines of that, quotes are almost always ended with a comma (unless a question is asked, and exclamation is need, or if it “said...” is after it). Whether they yelled, said, screeched, muttered, coughed, or gurgled is put when need (so you don’t have to put them in parentheses). It gives the character more of real tone, if you will.

The story moves a bit to fast to follow. A story should, generally, be filled with paragraph that are three to five sentence long. Elaboration is what draws in the readers attention and explains, in small depth, what is going on. The transgressions, the scene changes you have in parentheses, are not need if you elaborate more. It makes it flow smoother and sound like it’s really happening.

Now, you’re Author’s Notes. They’re fine at the beginning and end on the chapter but putting them in to explain something is a big NO-NO. It disrupts the flow and usually brings the readers off track, thus making them disinterested in the story. Like I said previously, if you elaborate and write more these notes aren’t needed.

Run the story through spell check before posting. I found many careless errors that would be caught and fixed (including capitalization on beginning words).

Chapter Two:

I was generally confused when I first read this. The beginning paragraph is a jumbled mess of spoken sentence, thoughts, and of different people. To fix this I suggest making a new paragraph when someone new speaks, saying who does the speaking, and italicizing thoughts.

As I re-read it now I see you labeled it as people’s POV’s. This is another NO-NO is writing. You should generally keep it in either third-person or first-person. Again with the flow of the story and catching people’s interest. When you jump from POV to POV it’s confusing and, personally, annoying.

Again with the Author’s Notes. Keep them out for the beginning and the end. Describe their cloths as they are, like, “Tenten sighed, readjusting her red polo and fidgeting against the denim of her new jeans”. I’m not saying spend a whole paragraph describing how they look, but just brief glimpses as to what they wear.

The chapter was too quick, again, and needed better explaining. Like, Kankuro was suddenly Tenten’s boyfriend and BAM! Tenten was in a fight. Have events leading up to things like that and it’ll make much more sense.

As a general criticism, the character’s aren’t acting like themselves. It is noted, however, that they are in an alternate universe so, to some extent it’s excusable. I’d just say to keep them a little bit more in character, so it’s not like you’re reading about completely different people.

Also, try to cut out any and all chat-speak terms. It makes it more literal and easier to read.

All in all, I’d say if you fixed what’s wrong this would be a great fic. I, personally, don’t read that many AU school stories but this does have potential. I wish you luck on furthers chapters and your stories in the future.
PinkBunnysWillRuleTheWorld chapter 2 . 4/26/2007
MAKE TENTEN WIN! Oh and I like ur story
earthlover chapter 2 . 4/26/2007
i luv the story update soon
Arctic Bowl chapter 2 . 4/26/2007
awsome story, can't wait for the update!
JadeXOnyx-4ever chapter 1 . 4/23/2007
its pretty kewl, and i like how sakura stood up, update soon!
shurikengrl chapter 1 . 4/23/2007
~gasp~ you hate sakura? ~lol~ oh well. tenten's awesome!