|Reviews for Change of Destiny|
| MagicalMary chapter 2 . 8/8/2007
very. very good. please continue soon,:-)
| JackFrost23 chapter 2 . 8/1/2007
WRITE MORE SOON!Sorry but i couldn't resist. Take your time the story is not going to run away. anyway great chapter
| bluesweetie1978 chapter 2 . 8/1/2007
hey great story keep up the good work please update soon
| last hope of light chapter 1 . 6/21/2007
thats was great i loved it nice job
| A nonny mouse chapter 1 . 4/30/2007
I read the reviews, decided to read the story and, y'know, I just couldn't. The run-on sentences, the lack of punctuation (including full stops), words missing, phrases copied over again... it all made for a confusing, head-numbing experience.
You may have some good ideas here, but unless you can present them in a way that actually makes some sense, you're doing yourself, your ideas, and your audience a disfavor.
Find yourself a good beta; someone who will point out your mistakes and tell you why they are mistakes. Then *listen* to them. Your fictions will continue to be this way unless you're willing to learn, or - perhaps in your case - relearn the mechanics of writing. Just running spellcheck isn't going to cut it.
Do yourself a favor: don't post the next chapter until you have this one fixed, okay? You'll be glad you did.
| happyfeet0765 chapter 1 . 4/29/2007
First let me say this is a good idea. I love FMA and I can't wait to see how you blend the two stories.
But, you really need to find a beta for this. You left out punctuation, mixed verb tenses, run-on sentances, used the characters names WAY to much, stuff like that. It's really hard to follow in places because of that.
For example: "I'll be here for you John, the whole family will be too... just let me help you get through this please" Jeff said with a soft smile reaching his own shining eyes as he slowly crept over to John but reminded himself to stay on John's right side, he was soon sat down next to his lost son.
It should read: "I'll be here for you, John; the whole family will be too. Just let me help you get through this, please," Jeff said with a soft smile. He slowly crept over to John, reminding himself to stay on his son's right side as he sat down. Or something along those lines.
See if you can fix those things, it will only make your writing better.
| straywriting chapter 1 . 4/28/2007
Poor, poor John. I hope things will get better for him and the rest of the family. Update soon!
| andrewjameswilliams chapter 1 . 4/27/2007
Great new story. I really feel sorry for John, loosing his arm like that. I like how Jeff is there to comfort him though and Jeff's right if they all stick together as a family then they will get through it.
Look forward to seeing more.
| Hezwel chapter 1 . 4/25/2007
Fantastic story! I have to admit that i am a bit of a john fan and love stories where he is the centre.
I have one thing to say, and i mean it constructive not as critism.
Maybe try and use the names less? in every sentance you have speach you have the name of who is speaking. Try and set the scene so that you can use other words such as "they", "family" himself", etc.
it'll make a big difference to the general flow of the story.
But i have to say absolutly fantasic otherwise. pleas keep updating soon! I have set it as a favourite! YEY!
| JackFrost23 chapter 1 . 4/24/2007
This is the most cutest story ever! I like it please keep up the good work! I really was crying (I was happy for John)