|Reviews for Tamers Requiem, Book 1: Hazard's Sorrow|
| Soulfire72 chapter 24 . 10/20/2014
This chapter was pretty good. I think the internal thought processes are strongest in Noriko's case, especially with her curiosity of a demon lord living in her house is present. As for the Tamers, I liked the dialogue as it is, as usual, well written and in character. But Ryo's internal thought processes kinda feel repetitive - there's potential here, as I'm aware of Milleniummon and Ryo's involvement with him, but don't really know the details. In fact, Ryo's past is an avenue that would be a more useful internal thought process than describing his feelings on the whole Guilmon thing and his relationship with the other Tamers. Lucemon is another possibility, but this would likely run the risk of repeating Noriko's perspective.
In context, I'm quite astounded that this chapter for Ryo is little more than him going through reception and joining the meeting.
| Soulfire72 chapter 23 . 10/20/2014
This chapter was OK in terms of you mentioned internal thought processes. Most of them were relatively fresh, except for a couple of longer sections describing Takato's reaction to Beelzemon killing Leomon. For anyone who's seen Tamers (and most who read this story have) I don't think it's possible to read these two paragraphs without feeling like its a synopsis of sorts. I'm more interested in Jeri's friends personal reactions since this scene with Jeri does not feel like filler simply because of these two girls being there and talking to her about it.
While the main focus is on Guilmon's death and the reactions to it, I feel like the focus is a bit off. It's too long into the story to focus so much on the pain from his death given how Guilmon dies at the beginning of the story. For readers, the pain (if you could call it that) has long since worn off. Despite my curiosity of BlackGuilmon (and hopefully more involvement of him) I feel a bit frustrated that Guilmon's basically been removed and the focus is so much on Takato. Oh well, I guess that's just because of my personal anti-human bias towards digimon in general.
| Soulfire72 chapter 22 . 9/7/2014
This was a great chapter, if only because Beelzemon's fighting Lucemon, well except for another Jeri filler section. The flashback was a good length and ingrained seamlessly with Beelzemon's inner thoughts. Though given the excellency of that flashback, shouldn't Jeri's section include something... anything to relate to Beelzemon, which would come after? Her section didn't have to be filler; it could have been quite relevant to the whole chapter if you link her thoughts and past sadness to Beelzemon, given he is the root cause of it, though remorseful.
| Soulfire72 chapter 21 . 9/7/2014
This was a good, concise chapter, though I'm a little confused as to why BlackGuilmon hasn't talked at all. Even Guilmon learned how to say words pretty quickly, but admittedly BlackGuilmon hasn't had much screen time.
Yeah, Beelzemon. It's a good thing that AI and Mako don't follow him around; that's just asking for trouble.
| Soulfire72 chapter 20 . 8/24/2014
The first thing that jumps out at me is Takato's mother's name. Did anyone actually call her Mei? Or is that a name chosen because Yoshie is technically taken in another universe? Or is it that Wikis can't be trusted?
Finally, Impmon's here. Wait... 20 chapters in and this is the first time? But Impmon's awesome!
His thoughts were pretty much what I expected, though.
| Soulfire72 chapter 19 . 8/18/2014
The past three chapters tied in well together and elaborated on further complications, but ultimately everyone's still disconnected and privy to different knowledge. Given the structure, I would have thought Takato would finally let everyone know what had happened and what's going on, even telling them why Lucemon had targeted Guilmon (if he so chose). Given the title, I'm a bit puzzled as to why this didn't happen, instead ending in a cliffhanger, presumably for this purpose. Hopefully that'll happen next.
I'm rather disappointed that BlackGuilmon didn't actually show up at all, only scenes of Ryo and Lucemon pursuing him and each other, and Ryo getting an inkling to what's really going on. Given Guilmon's removal, I would have liked to see more scenes from BlackGuilmon's point of view to make up for his absence. Speaking of Ryo, his first description of Lucemon(s) seems a bit far fetched. A digimon of Lucemon's power wouldn't be one even Ryo would see perhaps more than once, if at all, and survive to tell the tale given the conflicts Lucemon appear to participate in. The idea that there are multiple Lucemon acting as the Digital World's guardians also feels a bit weird due to the presence of the Royal Knights, who would have kind of the same job.
The scene with Jeri seemed kind of pointless to me, we've already heard her perspective and she doesn't actively participate, only thinking from the state of the classroom. If really can't do anything, maybe she doesn't have a place in the story, really.
I've found a few typos/mistakes in the course of the three chapters. First is from Rika: "shoes on the other foot". This should simply be replaced with "shoe's on the other foot". Second is from Yamaki, referencing Shibumi's (I think?) project (bold); this doesn't end with a full stop. Third: when we come back to Henry/Kazu/Kenta after Cyberdramon had left, his past dialogue "too find Ryo" should be "to find Ryo". Also, I think it's the same paragraph: "pink fairies healing abilities" should be "pink fairy's healing abilities".
Looking forward to seeing BlackGuilmon again!
| Soulfire72 chapter 16 . 8/14/2014
These last two chapters were great, good balance of storytelling and exposition. The thoughts about Lucemon's past are particularly interesting, but did any of the leaders seriously not mention that Guilmon was not a threat to the digital world? At least to the degree of which Lucemon believed? Or is the demon lord too prideful to believe such a thing? That seems more likely.
I've noticed two typos, one in the last chapter, I think, of "spoor" instead of "spore". Also, in the beginning of this chapter, there was an "affects" instead of "effects".
| Soulfire72 chapter 14 . 8/14/2014
I enjoyed this one as Ryo and Cyberdramon get their turns. However, why does Cyberdramon stay as Cyberdramon when waiting for Ryo, exactly? He would be more obvious to the "innocent bystanders" without needing to be, and I remember him degenerating when he entered the real world again. Or perhaps he simply cannot control it?
Ah well, I don't think Cyberdramon got enough screen time in the anime, so his thoughts were welcome. Though I don't think taking on Lucemon without Ryo is going to be wise...
| Soulfire72 chapter 13 . 8/14/2014
Each chapter seems so much longer than it really is. A consequence of the internal struggles, I suppose. But... did any conversation actually take place between Yamaki and Rika/Takato? It feels a bit slow, if that's the case.
Apart from that, there's one discrepancy I have with Yamaki's first thoughts. It did feel a little repetitive, as it reiterates several things already mentioned in Yamaki's last scene, particularly about how the relationship between the Tamers and Hypnos had changed. This sentence is also very long:
"He had come to care for the well being of the Tamers... that threatened to enter the real world and cause havoc."
Sorry, but it was THAT long that I can't remember it in full, and the stupid browser won't let me copy the thing.
| Soulfire72 chapter 12 . 8/14/2014
Chapters 11 & 12:
Well as for Chapter 11, I don't have much to say. I can only comment on Rika's heavy exposition in relation to Takato, as it's probably contributing to Rukato. I don't have much against the pairing, as I like Rika a whole lot more than Jeri. So far, this story's done a pretty good job of keeping Rika in character, in contrast to so many others where she gets ridiculously overshadowed by Takato, which is a shame. I like Rika as a character even more than Takato, so I hope that as this progresses she doesn't get overshadowed and relegated as a result of any pairings.
Chapter 12: Finally, something happens, so I like this one a lot. I find it a little puzzling that Hypnos is operating to almost the same efficiency as the beginning of the anime, but I'll let it slide. I can only say that I'm looking forward to more about BlackGuilmon and what'll happen to him. Clearly, he can't be here to stay. Can he?
| Soulfire72 chapter 10 . 8/13/2014
Coincided with the previous views, Rika and Henry get their turns. As usual, it was ordered and written well. One thing I wonder to myself is if Rika would really be so badly affected. And I also wonder if it's directed more at Takato's feelings than Guilmon's death. Hmm...
But... gah! All this moping makes me wish these guys would start doing something... anything, even kick a chair or punch a wall. At least Henry snapped his pencil, that's a start.
I'm also wondering why it's so hard for Renamon to find Takato. Can she sense human minds? If not, this makes sense, but how does Takato sneak out so easily without her spotting him...
| Soulfire72 chapter 9 . 8/13/2014
I enjoyed this chapter mainly because of Renamon and Terriermon's viewpoints on Guilmon's death. I don't really have any complaints with this one. Renamon's view of warriors dying in battle is accurate, but it seems to me that she would at least say a little of this to Rika, even if it doesn't help the situation much.
One thing, though... the memorial already happened? When Rika's section comes up? That's something I would have liked to read happening in the present rather than it being reflected upon later.
I only dread to think what'll happen to the Dark Guilmon or whatever he'll be when he comes out.
| Soulfire72 chapter 8 . 8/5/2014
I'm not really sure how to review this chapter. Obviously it's good to give the different perspectives from each of the characters in relation to the situation but there's only so much description you can do of Takato's grief, even from other people's perspectives, before it begins to feel dry. This doesn't apply to Lucemon's section or Noriko's, I find their involvement and perspectives quite fascinating, and how they'll be involved throughout. I would actually like to see them talk more in the future rather than just thinking about what had happened.
I found it odd that you included a rendition of Guilmon's death scene, or rather Lucemon's attack scene. This probably would have been better if it went into more detail about how Guilmon died rather than repeating a past event that was only a few chapters ago. The second where Guilmon disappears into data before getting to Takato was better in this regard, but I found it strange that it's font wasn't any different than normal.
I've also noticed that you include a lot of brackets with a small phrase during the narration, quite frequently, and I'm wondering if they're really necessary? It adds a feel of a "voice" to the narration but that comes across well without these. Just my preference, I guess. Maybe I don't really know how to absorb the style of an Angst story yet. We'll see.
| Soulfire72 chapter 7 . 8/5/2014
I like your spin on this Lucemon. Taking advantage of the fact that he looks like a human kid is a new twist, and your explanations of his motivations were good. I did feel that your explanations as to the origins of the Royal Knights was a bit rushed, but then if you elaborated further it would probably lead to spoilers on them. Perhaps not include the references to Yggdrasill yet? Unless he's going to be directly involved, his mentioning may not be needed.
After Lucemon's section, the text quickly feels very heavy. I always remembered the tips, "don't present walls of text" to the reader. It was a good balance before, but Takato's section felt too heavy. Despite the reminiscing of relevant events, it feels a little repetitive as it's all Takato's recollection of his own memories. To go for variety, I would have suggested an actual flashback of the most important memory, probably one demonstrating Guilmon's positive and faithful attitude that Takato sorely misses, and one that happened after the D-Reaper that you create yourself.
There were a couple of writing errors, the first being:
"looking it over carefully as though for the first time, looking over it carefully"
"Jeri, despite losing Guilmon,"
At least, I think they're mistakes. The first has a repeated phrase that seems out of place, and the second could be plausible but I think you meant to say "Jeri, despite losing Leomon," right?
| Soulfire72 chapter 6 . 8/4/2014
That opening sequence sheds some light on what might have happened in Gallantmon.
The scenes concerning Takato are quite realistic, I would imagine that's how he would truly deal with this sort of grief. Since Jeri did too, it's nice that she came to see him. I think some more description of how Jeri dealt with hers after the D-reaper incident might add to Takato's state of affairs. As for the possible restoration of Guilmon, I have no real idea on how that might work in the Tamer's universe. Granted, Guilmon was once "moved" right from Takato's side and he had to enter a portal to get him back. I wonder, if Guilmon is still around, if this is similar? I'm hoping, but I look forward to seeing how it plays out.
Oh and I'm starting to notice the numbers at the bottom of the pages. Are they page numbers?