|Reviews for Tsubasa High|
| Kanjuruh chapter 6 . 9/28/2013
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| Bananafrak chapter 7 . 10/18/2009
] thats cute but who did tomoyo end up with ?
| Sakura Mishimoto chapter 2 . 1/19/2009
lol. How confusing. XD
Where's Syaoran btw?
| Krstee chapter 7 . 6/12/2008
Wow, I'm very pleasantly surprised with this. I don't mean to say that in a demeaning way, but I generally hate stories with characters from a series in High School. My friend, however, linked me to your story, and I decided to read it. After finishing it, I'm very glad that I did.
Let me now state that I, as a person, tend to act like a pseudo-intellectual; so know that the critiques I make are not in malevolence, but from a writer to a fellow writer. Also, understand that I only give critiques to the people who I think have the ability to go farther with their writing and thus could apply them.
So, let me start with my few little critiques:
One thing I noticed was that you had a decent ammount of run-on sentences. This was especially noticable in their speech. I often took it upon myself to imagine where they would pause in their dialogue, but know that both commas and semi-colons are the best way to notify the reader that the speaker had taken a pause to either think or take a breath. You could also mention it by stopping the dialogue and adding something briefly such as: "He took a pause to think, finding it hard to think of the words... (yadda yadda yadda. It's a convenient tool that writer's use)"
Their were also a few grammar errors, but nothing that detracted exponentially from the writing.
Oh, one last thing I want to mention. Careful with which tense you use. You consistantly use past tense through the majority of the story, but there were a good few times that you accidently used present. As an example, this is the sentence that just caugt my eye and reminded me of this critique:
"It was a good thing that Fai was leaning on his locker at this moment as his legs went weak."
If you don't mind me correcting this one sentence as an example, it would sound much better if it was something more like:
"It was a good thing that Fai was leaning on his locker at that moment, for his legs had grown weak."
Or, something along those lines. I hate telling people what to do, since I value writing as my greatest passion and hate it when people tell me that I have to do it in a set way that they dictate, but I merely mean to tell you things that would make it flow a bit better.
Haha, alright, I'm done with critiques. I hope you aren't too insulted, because you should know the petty little things I just mentioned are greatly outweighed by the praise I'm about to give you.
As someone who loves writing, and has a hard time finding the balance between enjoying the story or looking at it in a serious matter to improve my own skills, I can easily say that this is one of the best fan-fictions I've read. It wasn't super lengthy (which I appreciated quite a bit), but it wasn't terribly short either. It was just a nice, rounded story. Not an epic novel that invigorated my entire soul, but a short story that was a truly enjoyable read.
One thing that I truly loved was how solid your character were. Unlike other writers who often take characters from a series and mold them to their own vision of what they should be, you kept all the character completely realistic and completely to how they are in the manga/anime. And yet, while staying completely true to their characters, you also added in wonderful character development that I personally enjoyed immensly.
I honestly can't explain enough how much I loved the way you portrayed the characters. They felt real as people, thus making the situations they were in real, and thus giving this story a very 'real' feel, if you'll pardon the redundancy. What I'm trying to say, though, is that never once did I question your motives or say anything along the lines of "PFFT. KUROGANE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING! BLASPHEMY!"
Ah, but I'm being facetious to an extent. I've never said such an exclamation whilst reading a story.
The plot progression was wonderful; you had me on the edge of my seat at times, pouting at their problems at times, and grinning like a fool at times.
You never went too far in describing things which, in this case, I beleive was for the best. I do enjoy vivid descriptions of things in some cases, but since I already have a clear idea of what the characters look like in my mind, as well as the settings they were in, not much more was necessary. And what was necessary you easily filled in.
Unfortunately, Tsubasa Chronicles is the only Clamp book I've read, so I was at a loss for a few of the characters you brought into the story, but you described them and their personalities well enough for me to see them in my mind anyways.
Alright, last thing, since I know this is terribly long! You have an incredible way with establishing relationships among characters. It was all very sincere and beleivable. In the end, I suppose that's the best review I could give a story. It was sincere and beleivable, through and through.
Alright, last thing for real this time. Great story, you packed a lot into only 7 chapters, and I think you have a grat novelesque talent. I'm also planning on writing a Tsubasa Chronicles story, and I would be honored if you would take a look at it when I manage to write the first chapter.
But don't look at any of my old stuff. It's all over 8 months old and fills me with shame. I would be most upset if you read any of my old fic's. xD
If you ever want to roleplay Kurofai with anyone, I'd absolutely love to roleplay with you. Haha, look at my wonderful ulterior motives.
That's it indeed. Keep up the great work, and I'll be sure to read more of your works!
| MeLaNch0LYdreams chapter 7 . 3/21/2008
-.- ok, *cries*
| saki.ikumi chapter 4 . 12/4/2007
But i thought Fai was gay!
| saki.ikumi chapter 1 . 12/4/2007
o nice story. I'll be reading the rest!
| Mimi Jones chapter 7 . 11/18/2007
Great ending! Thx 4 an awesome read! ;)
| Mimi Jones chapter 2 . 11/17/2007
Only one thing. If both of Sakura's hands were tied up at the moment, and she was still trying to eat her bread w/o hands.. i doubt she could have caught the lunchbox. :) great story so far!
| Neko-Newee chapter 7 . 8/14/2007
*thinks about the sketch you had in your DA* _ 2 thumbs up!
aw... it's the end already? wa! No! At least it's the school dance next chappie! I've read a KuroFai school dance fic before, and it reminds me of the song Crazy For You. You know that song? XD
| DrAgOnCiTa chapter 7 . 8/13/2007
KAWAII! loved it! loved it! loved it!
please update soon
| Mirika chapter 7 . 8/13/2007
Meyah... Meyah! I love this story! And the artwork you drew to go along with it on Deviantart is just oh so delicious! keep it up!
| luffy chapter 7 . 8/7/2007
whoa fluff and aganst!
| missblahblahblah chapter 7 . 8/7/2007
Hyuu! I'm really loving your story. It makes me laugh and also makes me sad when Fai gets all confused. I hope the next chapter is as good as the rest of the story (I'm sure it will be)!
Well, have fun and good luck (with anything),
Youko Yugi -
| Akino-Kinoha chapter 7 . 8/7/2007
Hehe Now I can add a little more
the inspiration pic so totally fits! I hate FWR *wants to punch him* Rah!
But those (father/daughter XD) moments between Kuro-chan and Sakura were really adorable! -