|Reviews for Shattered|
| Krabkrab chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
I'm kinda confused how he got so many. And why, although that isn't as important. It sounds like Gin only got involved at the last moment. If there was (technically) one gunman, he wouldn't have been able to take out, at least, two classes. Not without someone stopping him already...
| Sadako Mcfly chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
Oh, my... you're really good at writing this, huh? o_o So... deep and... gosh, you're good! xD
| Maryilee chapter 1 . 11/27/2008
This is very intense and well-written. There were some excellent lines in it too. Well done.
| SolitaireAikanaro chapter 1 . 10/12/2007
Well, all I can say is that all the editing you did really paid off:
1) It flowed nicely. The description was enough to create a believeable atmosphere, but not so much that it was blocky and redundant. Transitions between scenes were handled very nicely - there was no confusion at all.
2) I don't even watch Bleach, but I didn't find the characters confusing - Thumbs up!
3) You have an excellent vocabulary, and better yet, you use the words correctly. It made for a refreshing read, though occasionally I found the big words overbearing - a shorter word could've done just as well.
4) This had some real emotion in it, good job. You decided to tackle a topic and you went all the way with it, instead of wimping out.
Hope to read more from you!
| Ms.FancyPants chapter 1 . 9/24/2007
I wasn't going to review this story,I just planned on reading it but as I read it I planned on telling you that you're such a talented writer but now my hands are trembling and I couldn't help but start crying the moment Renji died and I feel like I'm being unfair for crying over a fictional character because I heard about the shooting on the news and all I had thought when I saw it was that I'm glad he didn't go further. I feel selfish for some reason and I feel like an idiot and I'm really having trouble finding the words to express what I mean, but I hope that the ones who survived can someday surpass it. I really can't say much more because I wasn't there and I still don't feel like I fully understand
| anon chapter 1 . 9/10/2007
great oneshot but since I now have developed a very strong hatred of the gunman is there any chance you could make a version where they DO go shinigami on his ass. Or just use their reiatsu in their human bodies. It would especially be interesting with effect that attacking a stronger reiatsu has on a weaker one, namely injuring the weaker on instead of the stronger one.
| Wordmage Kazzidae chapter 1 . 6/10/2007
Anyways; good introduction, although it started to sound a *bit* too much like a weather report. Don't worry though. It's all too easy to do that.
As the saying goes; 'Silence is worth its weight in gold.' Although how vibrations can be measured for interaction with gravity I have no idea.
Life worth living? *cough* Maybe *after* the exams...
Um, dude...? Slow down on the gunshot. Take a paragraph to describe just the sound. If you've ever heard a gunshot, then you'll know that there's a lot to be described.
It's not just a bang. Multiply a bang a couple of times and you might get close.
Good description of the mass panic. It goes a bit quickly though, and is hard to understand... but maybe that's good.
Go a bit more in-depth with the tears, ya know? They're very important; an expression of emotion. You should always pay attention to that.
Also; somebody crying would not talk that easily. Try to remember the last time you cried. It feels like there's something stuck in your throat, right?
Okay... I think you were *slightly* overdoing the whole despair bit. That should come after, and it should come from the characters themselves. If you say it, it just sounds like what you think they would say. Right now they should be more concerned about surviving.
Hm... a barricade is a good idea, but if that motha-fugga has armour-piercing rounds then he can shoot straight through that wall without ever having to open the door.
'Relatively uninjured'? How injured do you have to be before shock sets in?
Why does she only feel guilty? Try to account for the adrenaline rush; the feeling of joy that comes with success of survival.
For the most part, I can't really complain. However, it was at times somewhat cliched. Just try not to overdo it, yeah?
| with love - Elincia chapter 1 . 6/5/2007
Ah, tears are threatning to spill! I love this, it's so... Well, I can't find a word for it except that I enjoyed reading this even though my heart felt like, well...shattered. Perfect title as well. Huge fan of Yoruichi and Soi so I REALLY enjoyed reading that part but can't help wishing Soi survived...
| Feafea chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
| Ominous Oasis chapter 1 . 5/18/2007
Great writing.. One thing though... You. Killed. Everyone. Off. ! Not that I'm complaining _
Soi Fon: Dead
Byakuya: Aliv.. No, scratch that. He's dead.
Tell me if I missed any XD. In under 5,0 words you managed to kill off 9 characters(well 9 named characters); that's some mad skill.
Ok,seriously though. Well written and such, the editing you did really helped to make it even MORE fabulous than it already was. Very sad story, you managed to capture the whole sadness thing very well.. Did I mention it was sad? I mean, after reading it multiple times you'd think I'd be immune to it's inherent sadness, but it gets to me(like Gale) every single time.
Ouh Gale, I agree completely on the fanclub idea... We could print t-shirts, banners, mugs, keychains, and those big styrofoam hand things, all saying "~We love Dark S3cret~"... Hmm plans, plans...
| BebopSamurai chapter 1 . 5/1/2007
Hey! Sorry I didn't review this before, but I was trying to think about what I wanted to say and I also got busy, forgetting to do so. So, after careful consideration, here goes:
First off, I was reluctant to read this because of its subject matter. While I agree that the VT shooting would (and should) inspire people to think and voice their opinions and feelings, I also think that transplanting it to the generally frivolous world of fanfiction is a bit of a disservice to the victims of this tragedy, as if it were merely the plot of a movie that correlated with the characters of an anime.
I must admit that this, in execution, was a surprisingly tasteful and well-written piece. The characters were very 'in-character' from a FF standpoint, and somehow I think that the intention of this story- that this could happen anywhere and to anyone without so much as a warning- was captured accurately.
Good job, and I can easily say that in the hands of another author, this could have been an offensive and insulting degredation of a horrible event in our nation's history. Keep writing :D
| o0o0oo0 chapter 1 . 4/29/2007
That was amazingly sad. Or... amazing and sad. But seriously...
Oh My God.
I'm so glad I read this. The Virginia Tech Shooting really was horrible, but I guess you don't really get the whole feel for it from just numbers and pictures. Words always convey experiences the strongest, and I wholeheartedly believe this is the best proof for that.
| Kiyuu-Chan chapter 1 . 4/29/2007
Wow. That was... amazing. I can't find better words for this.
But man, two of my favorite characters died. ;_; Soi and Hinamori...
| Gale Frost chapter 1 . 4/29/2007
Ahh~ It's finally posted! I like the things you added, it made it easier to understand...And it's so sad...It almost made me cry...again. I mean, i think a sad and angsty story is a success when the reader tears up reading it...for the 5th time.
That, and i don't normally get affected like this that often. But this story really makes you feel for each character, and it's very...life-like, in the way that you portrayed the high school. I mean, it took me a few seconds to picture *everyone* in high school (I'm guessing Byakuya was more of a teacher than a student...) and stuff, but it was fine after that.
One of my favourite things in this story is how you kept the plot, in terms of Aizen and Gin betraying them. I understand why Tousen didn't have a role in this; he only joined Gin and Aizen in Bleach for keeping the peace (I'm still trying to figure out how he thinks that...-_-)
Anyways, i gotta admit, that out of my favourites, this deserves to be a favourite of favourites.
You write very well, and i'm probably gonna start a fanclub or something for you xP
Thanks for posting it,
| Kuchiki Jeanne chapter 1 . 4/29/2007
... I feel really sorry for them all *sniffles*
Just what I need once in a while- something nice and angsty. This'll definitely be in my favorites. _