|Reviews for Transparent|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 11/18/2013
Posted 20 October 2013, at the Starwarsknights web site and the Lucasforums Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. I was posting directly to the actual story threads, but had problems last year so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. But you on fanfiction deserve your reviews, even if I am running late. But I'm catching up as you read this!
Pre TSL: Sequel to Seeing Double, The Exile returns to the Republic at Revan's behest
The only thing that didn't make sense to me was that the younger twin had an obvious visible sign that she had lost the Force.
Very well done so far, though as usual, I don't have the time to go back and read it all.
| Corundum chapter 57 . 7/10/2012
This story was amazing as well as its prequel and helped me get through some really exausting days, btw real acc name us rasenganblast (space or - may be in there)
| Electric Splatter chapter 57 . 2/26/2012
So I recently became reobsessed with KOTOR II and started reading its fanfiction and your story is one of the best stories I have ever read. I read it all in one day I was so into it. Even though it didn't follow the game exactly it was still brilliant and the characters were the same even thought they didn't do the exact same things. I might have liked the ending of your story than the real game! You're a FANTASTIC writer.
| Jman12394 chapter 57 . 12/15/2011
well done. it was a heart rending story but it was VERY well written.
keep it up and dont stop writing
| yuuka-hanamaya chapter 1 . 11/10/2011
I loved this. I reread both "Seeing Double" And this fic all the time because I love it so much. It's like a novel you can never get tired of, and each time I read it I find something I missed the first (Second, third.. Same thing:P) time.
I know you probably don't even play KotOR anymore(Considering you haven't made a KotOR story or sketch in a billion years.) but I'm just saying it would be awesome if you made a third of this; even if it were showing Revan or Aeryn's past. You know, like.. A glimpse of before the Mandalorian Wars or oncoming to it, you know?
| yuuka-hanamaya chapter 57 . 11/9/2011
Wow. That was.. amazing. Best story I've ever read. Inspirational, educational, entertaining, and heart-wrenching. The ending was perfect and didn't leave the empty feeling you get when it seems a wonderful story is over with.
Even if this is 'old' work from you, it's still truly fantastic.
| yuuka-hanamaya chapter 52 . 11/8/2011
I was reading this story, then stopped on this chapter. The moment I skimmed over the contents, I couldn't bear to read Bao dying. I just couldn't. So now, about a week later, I prepared myself and I finally read it. I cried. Bao is my favorite character..
Did you know he died in the actual game, too? :'(
Stupid creator people... everyone's always killing him off..
| yuuka-hanamaya chapter 29 . 11/2/2011
What? Mical's not going to be in this?
That makes me sad.
| yuuka-hanamaya chapter 28 . 11/2/2011
I liked it better without the page breaks.
| CSKTECH chapter 21 . 11/24/2009
Wow this is rare. I know these stories are old. but I just had to say YOU ROCK... I just got into playing KoTOR and 2 and your stories just fit Thanks
| JerzyJablonski chapter 1 . 8/14/2009
I've just ended this story, and I must say, I loved both this one, and Seeing Double. AND I hope there will be a third part. You have great talent, and it will be waste not to see the story about Aeryn and Revan children.
| Luren chapter 57 . 3/27/2009
Just wanted to thank you for the wonderful story. I enjoyed it greatly. Thanks for sharing your words.
| SoulCatcher12 chapter 57 . 3/12/2009
I've been reading this story ever since you posted it two years ago and it has been a long and exciting ride. This is one of the largest stories that I have read and I'm glad to have read it through to the very end. You are an excellent writer and I thank you for this wonderful story.
| MPK chapter 57 . 3/7/2009
Since I've finished reading the entirety of your story, I can give an overall opinion.
This was a mixed bag. I think you made a few mistakes, like Atton being "killed" for shock value so he can come back the next chapter, or the Exile killing Atris in revenge without being affected by it. There was also Nihilus being killed by Revan, which I thought was simply unfair in light of Nihilus as he was shown in the game.
Probably the one mistake you made which hurt the overall storyline the most was what you did with Dantooine. You cut almost the entire plot out of the planet (which left me with a "That's it?" feeling) and had Vrook killed off prematurely and randomly (which made the confrontation with the masters in the Enclave later on a little empty). Finally, you cut Disciple out of the story completely without replacing him. Taking content out isn't necessarily bad, but the story is hurt unless you fill the empty spots you leave with something else.
Another thing I noticed was a habit of sort of... Favoring the Exile in regards to information. For example, the fact that she knows about the True Sith from the beginning hurts the entire section of the plot concerning their existence, and the fact that she knows that the HK-50 on Peragus was an assassin droid from the beginning made it less interesting.
The only other mistake which I can recall from off the top of my head was that you sort of rushed through some of the scenes which were in the game (the Vision Tomb on Korriban is an example of this), where if you had expended more of your writing talent on those scenes (another example is where the Exile talks to what's left of the Council in the Enclave), they would've been that much better for it.
The epitome of this is the final confrontation on Trayus Core. Your writing of the scene was pretty well-done, but it felt like you were sort of rushing through it because it was a scene that was originally from the game (more on this scene later on).
Where you didn't make mistakes, your work was either pretty good, or simply unique. I've seen quite a few unorthodox moves in this fic, like killing off Bao-dur (very well done), having Mission and Dustil as Force-users (I didn't think they belonged here) who are later killed by Atris (this more than made up for any of the shortcomings about Dustil and Atris), your own version of Sion's death (well-done) and so on. While some of the more unusual elements you added into this story were ones I thought it could do better without, the fact that they contributed to the story's overall sense of uniqueness sort of made up for it.
Your talent in writing Kreia became very evident in the last chapter, but the overall scene was hurt by two factors. The first is, as I mentioned already, that the scene, while very well-written, would have benefited from more dialogue and description of the fight. The part where Revan threw her saber at Kreia made me expect her to die right then and there, but the fact that she just stops it in mid-air was badass. That little element of the scene right there was grade-A suspense if I ever saw it.
Sadly, though, you didn't do enough of that sort of thing. As I said, if you had extended each element of the scene (the dialogue and the battle), it would've been great, but as it stands now, it feels almost like a teaser, and it's downgraded to just "very good".
The second element of the scene which seemed to be more related to the plot than the writing is how Kreia is defeated. The idea of killing the Exile to kill Kreia is a brilliant one (I've never seen it before), but you only used it half-way, and I couldn't make sense of it. The Exile gets stabbed, but *Kreia* dies first, and the Exile lives? If you're going to have the protagonist do a heroic sacrifice, you shouldn't do it half-way, otherwise it loses its weight.
Despite the occasional damage inflicted to the plot (like the aforementioned errors in the scene described above), I still managed to enjoy this story quite a bit. You have considerable writing talent in this area, if this is any indication, and the little unique things you threw into the plot every chapter or so made it feel fresher and more interesting than without. I suggest that you continue to hone your writing skills.
| PenguinOfTroy chapter 57 . 3/6/2009
What more can I say? This was easily one of the best stories I've read, on and off this site.
I'm glad to see it finished. Thank you for writing it.