|Reviews for Only A Dream|
| hachimitsu chapter 1 . 4/17/2008
you cannot imagine how happy i am right now-i was sorely in need of a good ephraim/eirika fic (whether their relationship is familial or not...) and i found this *gem*.
i really loved how ephraim didn't directly answer eirika's question about him loving tana... ahaha. also, the part where they met each other again but weren't "in sync" anymore just broke my heart.
keep up the good work ne~ * A*
| piratelore chapter 1 . 8/25/2007
Subtle is one of my favourite words, and I must say that it is the only word I can think of to describe this at the moment. Rather glad you kept it soft and avoided the awkwardness. You pulled it off really well, and frankly, you gotta love Eirika and Ephraim's sibling relationship. I like how you took snapshots from parts of their lives as they grew up, rather than just one experience. It helped with subtlety~
| Gunlord500 chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
Salutations, Ms. Volian! You asked for this fic to be reviewed in the Little Circle of Reviewyness, so I decided to obliged.
First off, I must thank you for giving me the opportunity to do so, because this is a really good piece of work! Grmamatically and stylistically, it's impeccable-I didn't pore over it word by word, but from what I read, I couldn't see any spelling or grammar errors! Kudos to you. It's wonderfully well-written-it's clear, makes its points, and emotionally compelling. It was very touching, at least to me, to see Ephraim and Eirika grow up, and grow from so close to more distant. It was sad, but I guess that's life...
Anyways, I'm a bit glad you didn't go with the twincest route, I think this fic works better as a tale of just sibling love. It's really good! Thanks so much for sharing it. :D
| Writer Awakened chapter 1 . 6/11/2007
I really liked this story. The interactions between Ephraim and Eirika have always interested me, whether it's familial love or romantic love. I like the progression throughout the years, and I thought the drama was nicely done: Subtle, but effective. I'm sorry I can't really think of anything specific to comment on, but I did enjoy reading the story. The only small issue I see is that you have the twins at 21 during the events of the game, but I was under the impression- though I might be mistaken- that they were both eighteen (yeah, everyone in FE looks older than they actually are. XD)
Anyway, good job! I certainly enjoyed the story, and feel free to post any new FE stories you write in the Circle of Reviewyness- we'd all love to read them. :D
| debris chapter 1 . 6/10/2007
That was beautiful beyond words... I loved the way you described their relationship through time using anecdotes; the happy ones and the sad ones are all wonderful. It's like you summarized their entire lives! You made me fall deeper in love with this pairing and it was kind of random because I just started liking them today despite not having played the game yet myself! lol
| Jade Wyvern chapter 1 . 5/29/2007
You got me out of my lurking. :D Good for you.
Actually, I passed by your little request in the Circle of Reviewyness and decided that I should review yours. :3 After all, you were my first reviewer on my story and I luffed it to death. I felt it necessary to repay the favor. (Though I bet you don't even remember me anymore. XD )
I don't actually know much at all about Sacred Stones but, hey, I'll give it a shot. o.o;
I really like the style and mood this story portrays. It's not a normal story written in a normal style-something about this story enables it to feel very dream-like. And, well, the story obviously benefits from this kind of feel, and I think that makes it amazingly unique.
However, I felt that sometimes you went a little too overboard with your adjectives. For example, "They engrossed themselves only in their many luxurious toys," sounded a bit much to me. Wouldn't it be more convenient to simply say, "They engrossed themselves only in their many toys"? The word "luxurious" seemed to take away the point of the sentence. Another point is: "...her tears dripping into his hair, down his neck, onto his luxurious clothes." "Luxurious," once again, feels out of place because it disrupts the picture you're painting by adding details that we probably don't need, especially when the other two don't have adjectives in front of them. e.e; Also, it seems that the diction is slightly odd sometimes. You use very common words and then toss them in with big, long fancy ones. Sometimes, it feels off and tends to pull me away from the story for a moment.
Also, sometimes your comma placement was a bit off. In that very sentence, you added a comma before stating "and each other." Though I understand you needed that for emphasis, I don't think that's grammatically correct. o.o' Then there are those times where you put them after an "and," "but," or "or," as the rule states, but it's technically not supposed to be there because they're not two independent clauses. In "The waves were fun, but never powerful enough to overpower the two small children," the second half is still speaking of the waves. Wouldn't it then mean that it's a dependent clause because the subject is never mentioned again in the sentence? I also felt that the word "powerful" was redundant in that sentence and could have been replaced with a synonym. Though it didn't disrupt the mood, it made me pause for a moment and that probably wasn't what you were going for.
But, don't worry, these things didn't occur very often and didn't detract from the whole of the piece. I'm just being nitpicky.
Also, I think labeling the ages like that with noncapitalization and everything was very interesting and unique. :D The only problem is that I didn't quite understand what the numbers meant until halfway through. Ehehehe, I'm probably just thick. e.e;
The whole hair-color thing was cute. One sky, one ocean-it's adorable.
But what I absolutely adored was the idea of the fight. ZOMGamazing. I was so highly amused and yet, at the same time, felt so terribly bad for the two! I really, really liked this passage, especially the fight and the reconciliation afterwards. :D
I think what would have been really cool would be having actually made the passages longer the older they got. Subtle patterns are always nice. :DD But this is just me going off on a random tangent.
Um, going in order, I really liked the next passage (twenty-one-nice time jump there) too. Where they start growing apart-it really, really made me feel for Eirika. I also like the way you worded it: "...she couldn't help but notice that there was a long, jagged[,] emotional chasm." That really painted a vivid picture of how far they really grew. I enjoyed how you portrayed Eirika's thoughts and her torn emotions on how to react to Ephraim. I really felt her pain. But I also really liked the ending of that section-Ephraim noticed. And it was cute that he did, but it also broke my heart that Eirika stayed silent. Then again, why would she not? It was perfect-though I sorta felt I didn't need to squint (that hard) to see the EirikaEphraim. :D
The last and final passage, Ephraim's marriage, was a nice note to end on, as it does make sense. But I sort of expected the story to close a bit stronger and leave the reader with a bit more than simply going, "Ah, okay." To leave us with something sad-something that reminds us of Eirika's loss-was what I envisioned and, though the delivery was nice, it didn't quite leave me with that feel. The end seemed too happy for that and it might have been due to Eirika's light-hearted attitude: "Eirika laughed. When had she ever deserted her twin?"
Regardless, this is a very, very nice story, and I really, really enjoyed reading it. Don't let my nitpicky ways get you down; I always feel like I need to leave some sort of thing to improve on because that is the best help for a writer-and, honestly, my suggestions on improvement are not that important/immediate/etc. But, despite all of this, the story is a wonderful read, and I really enjoyed not only learning more about Eirika and Ephraim but also get myself wrapped up in this amazing life-story you've weaved for them as well as all the emotions in between.
Oh dear, I really had hoped to keep my review short. But I've never been able to do that; I apologize-I ramble far too much. There are many more good points to this story than bad ones, despite what this review looks like. Keep writing; you're doing great.
| 1300 chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
Brilliant job! It almost make me cry. I'm always thinking about this twin relationship...it feels like "always together, forever apart."
hm...Actually my English is poor and it really took me a long time to read through... but it worth.I love it.
write more please.
| WingsOfADream chapter 1 . 4/30/2007
That was so sad! It started off all nice and happy and then got more a more depressing. I still loved it though and I think you did an excellent job. I'll keep my eyes peeled for more of your Fire Emblem stuff :)
| Maxmagnus20019 chapter 1 . 4/29/2007
Hm, it was good, I liked it!
A different view from what I could have imaged their childhood being like, and I could see the hints of twincest in there :P
The fight seemed like something that would happen, I like how it happened XD LET'S FIGHT!
Keep up the good work if you plan on writing more stuffs.