You know, I'd never heard of choffy before. *takes a sip* It's really quite good. *takes another sip* So chocolatey. *takes another sip* So invigorating. *takes another sip* So good with kahlua and cream. *takes another sip* Where has this been all my life? *takes another sip* I should get another bag of this! *takes another sip*
My word, such a rollercoaster we've just been on! And no staircases, so you can't blame that on me. ;)
It came as no surprise to me whatsoever that Dumbledore was on board to let Harry attempt such an undertaking. It fits with canon, always setting him up for these dangerous tasks. Being the old campaigner that he is, he's typically more concerned with the whole board than worrying over any pawns that get used along the way. Not saying he doesn't care - he does get attached to the little people along the way, and he's no stranger to grief himself. But generally, he's not one to stress over the smaller details and calculated risks and doing things people won't like, if it's all for the greater good.
(Looking ahead, though, I laugh over him saying that once he decides Harry isn't doing something, he's not doing it, when once Harry had his mind made up to break the Dark Mark connection, neither Dumbledore nor Severus put together could pull him off to make him stop. Who's calling the shots now?)
Typical of an old wizard used to doing as he pleases and giving the orders, I suppose. But I do love that he wants to see Harry and Severus together here, and I cracked up over how easily he gave Harry carte blanche in his talk with Severus. Poor Severus is outnumbered and he knows it.
Bless his heart, he's had it so rough though. In so much pain and so tired and so frightened. And yet not so frightened for himself than for Harry. Probably worrying about what would happen to Harry after he was gone, and then scared about Harry hurting or killing himself trying to sever the connection. Having someone else risk so much for his sake is such a foreign concept (has it ever happened before?), and I bet part of it is pride as well, to have to submit to something rather humbling. He's the one that always risks his neck, not the other way around, that's how it works. No one needs to risk themselves or die for his old self, and certainly not Harry, and that's final!
Or not. ;)
I know he's been overriden before, but I bet it feels more personal now because this has so much to do with him. This is partly for the war effort, but mostly for his own sake, and he's still very uncomfortable having people do so much and go so far for him. Especially now that Harry is someone he doesn't want to lose. I can see how he might feel like they're not considering his feelings on this - "Do you think so little of me?" - that they're just charging along with something that, if it goes wrong, would leave him worse off than before and more ready to die than ever. Harry losing his life to save Severus' would absolutely devastate him. It would kill him before he was dead. Voldy said he'd give him a day to grieve before killing him, but at that point Severus would have no will to live anyway and it'd practically be a mercy killing, putting him out of his misery.
But Harry doesn't want Severus to die either (I know I don't!), so when neither wants the other to die, they're kind of at an impasse. Harry knows how stubborn he is, though, so aiming for eventual forgiveness is the best he can do, really.
Bless his heart, Severus is still such an Eeyore, saying Harry doesn't really need him, he's got Dumbledore and all his friends, bla bla bla. He's used to being needed to an extent for his abilities, and if there's someone else who can technically do the same things then he assumes he's no longer necessary. He's still struggling over the concept of just being wanted, that it won't be the same with anyone else.
Harry had a good point, though, among several: most people are willing to help out Harry The Boy Who Lived, but who ever looks out for just Harry The Boy? There's plenty of people who will pitch in and assist him for the cause, but it's rare for him to have someone who actually takes care of him and looks out for him as a person instead of a hero. Being in the public eye versus actually being seen are two different things, and Harry knows here not to let go of a good thing when he has it. It's taken long enough for Severus to finally see him as he is, and that's something too valuable to lose. Harry's past due to have a real father figure of his own, and Severus needs a son to take care of. He's had no one to live for practically his whole life, so he's viewed himself as disposable all this time. Having that change and genuinely wanting to live is a big victory in itself, considering. Can't throw that away now!
I was pretty relieved to hear him still being snarky, though. Good sign. I can picture him being sarcastic even at death's door, but it's good to hear all the same. It's so him. A touch of normalcy.
I did laugh when he got all stiff at first over Harry's hug. Don't some animals freeze when startled?
("Did he freeze?"
"Like an antelope in headlights.")
Displays of affection still take him by surprise, bless him, but he's getting better. He's learning.
Even though Severus' assistance was grudgingly given while grousing, I don't think Harry could have done it without his guidance and reassurance. I'm glad he could sense Severus with him. I bet Severus was hating every minute of it, though.
I agree with Harry's assessment about not being able to block the pain in his Dark Mark all this time: even had Severus known it was possible, he wouldn't have said a dang word about it, Mr. Suffer In Silence. Honestly.
I do have a question: how aware was Severus of what all was going on while this showdown was going down? Could he only physically feel the effects on his Dark Mark? Was he able to see or hear any of it? Could he mentally sense it? Or was he only able to go by what he saw as he watched Harry?
I can just picture everyone panicking when Harry's scar came open - Kneader working to stop the bleeding, Severus demanding they put a stop to this lunacy before they kill the boy, he and Dumbledore trying to pry him off. But Harry is pretty stubborn too when his mind is made up, and powerful enough now to literally burn off anyone in his way. (So much for stopping him when you say so, eh, Albus?) I bet after that Severus was fussing and cussing over Harry's obstinacy, only because he's more scared than ever that this boy has the power and determination to do this even if it literally kills him in the process.
Poor kid must have collapsed when it was over, giving Severus another heart attack. What a stressful day. And how many days was Harry out? Was he literally drifting between life and death as his mind tried to heal, kind of touch and go?
Poor Severus too, worried sick, no interest in celebrating having his Dark Mark gone if it means losing his new kid, this aggravating boy that's turned his life upside down for the better. He must have been hovering over Harry every moment, even sleeping there with him (so cute!), unwilling to leave for an instant until Dumbledore and/or Kneader had to bodily drag him away to take care of himself before he collapses next. (And then I imagine he takes two bites of food so he can say technically he ate something, and takes the fastest bathroom break humanly possible before going right back to Harry's side ASAP, LOL.)
He must have been blaming himself every moment for putting Harry in harm's way for his sake, or cross with the others for encouraging this sort of reckless behavior. This kind of scenario was exactly what he wanted to avoid, but does anybody listen to him, no, of course not. All those hours, wondering if Harry was damaged beyond repair and everything they had gained together was gone. If he'd died, or even just ended up lobotomized, Severus would never have forgiven himself, and he already tends to hate himself as it is. Even with his Dark Mark gone, he'd lose his will to live all over again, so what good would it have been, really? Practically a Pyrrhic victory at that point - Severus would rather die himself than kill Harry and live in misery the rest of his days.
It was so sweet, Harry recognizing Severus' scent and instinctively relaxing without remembering why, feeling safe. I bet that helped him 'come back' eventually, having something familiar to hold onto, like an anchor. The way he only wanted Severus and not anyone else kind of made me laugh - it made me think of how some babies prefer one parent over the other and cry when their favorite parent leaves, LOL. "Hey, you're not daddy! Where's daddy?"
It was sweet and sad at the same time, though, hearing Severus so frantic, literally pleading for Harry to come back to him. Seeing such a proud man beg is hard.
And then I laughed again when Harry's first choice of words is "It Worked?" Oh my word, such a one track mind, LOL. Was that only a sigh of relief from Severus, or was it possibly a held back sob too? Wasn't sure.
(I'm going to start checking Severus for grey hairs from now on. Bet I find a few.)
Also wondering: is Severus not wearing long sleeves anymore, and that's how Harry saw he didn't have the Dark Mark? I'm so used to seeing him all covered up, literally hiding himself in every sense. (You can imagine how many times I've convinced him to go swimming with me. Zero.)
I'd like to think that being free of the pain, the dark magic, and the stigma of the Dark Mark might make Severus a new man in some ways. Not that he'll be all flowers and sunshine, of course, Merlin forbid, but maybe less prone to bitterness and more prone to kindness.
I read a neat article recently that said kindness and niceness aren't exactly the same, that saying something nice isn't the same as doing something kind, basically. You can tell someone to get well soon and not do anything to help, and that's just being nice, but you can give someone the coat off your back even as you call them stupid for not having a coat in this freezing weather, LOL, and that's being kind. It reminded me of Severus, that he could learn to be a kind man, but he'll never be a nice person, you know what I mean? Hopefully I'm making sense.
It may not be as much of a complete, 180 change like it was for Scrooge, for example (wouldn't that be terrifying to see in Snape!), but as much as joy has been utterly foreign for Severus up until now, I sincerely hope it's here to stay. When joy comes his way, he should give it a comfortable seat.
(Did he feel the effects of the love twister and know exactly what it meant, or is it merely joy over having Harry and no Dark Mark because that's more than he ever hoped for?)
Already I hear the change in the way he talks - no more lonely language, but saying We. Us. We will be alright.
A dying man makes no long term plans, but now that his life stretches ahead of him and he has Harry with him, they certainly do have a lot to discuss, and I know what I'm hoping it's about!
OH MY WORD DADDY KISSES I CAN'T EVEN ASLKFAKJSDHFKJGFASD
Sweetness overload! I'm all verklempt! Where's my handkerchief?
*blows nose*
*takes deep breath*
Okay, calming down. But oh goodness, I love this so much. You have no idea.
Is the connection gone from his scar, or was it basically like kissing a booboo because it's still healing, or am I just reading too much in this wonderful father/son moment that I'm never going to let Severus forget ever?
Oh, I cannot wait to see where they go from here. Things are looking up!
Before I forget - speaking of Severus haunting Harry, which is a funny concept (though part of me would still be sad that Severus is dead even though we can still interact with him), have you read the fic The Wendell That Wasn't by opalish? It's on FanFiction, just a short one shot, but it's really fun: Severus haunts the Potter family after the war and grouses the whole time, LOL.
Also, speaking of Severus being all sunshine and flowers, have you read Flora Vox by Laume, also on FF? Utter crack that's utterly hilarious, where Wormtail hits Severus with a spell he's never used before, with shocking results.

I really loved the story this far and I can't wait for the last two chapters although it kind of breaks my heart that it's going to end.
It's a fairly long time since I've read the books but I think you very much stayed in character (thank you!)
I like the slow pace of the story and that they both struggle a lot with each other throughout the story.
Sadly I don't have the time right now to review more, but I'll try at the end of the week.
Reading about the ocean is so good right now in this pandemic
Lots of love from a few time zones east ;)

I just reread this chapter and god it’s so good. My heart still missed a beat when I reread THAT line. I hope Harry still thinks about what Snape said.

damn this is some good stuff. really really enjoyed these last 2 chapters.

HE DID IT HE DID IT! Urgh, this is getting so good. I can’t believe I smashed out this fic in over a day. Your writing style is so beautiful, engaging and imaginative. I can imagine everything that’s happening in my mind’s eye and it has been a lovely experience. Thank you! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Not gonna lie, I’m always a sucker for Snape being concerned about Harry’s eyesight. The closer I get to the end of the chapters the more I am not emotionally ready for it!

I have submitted my review of your glorious chapter, actually set of two glorious chapters, but I just have to comment on a subject brought up in the reviews and your response. I like Kneader the way you wrote him, a mysterious character from Snapes past with a special, caring relationship that allows him to say anything to Snape. But, please, do not make him an actual grandfather. Please leave Harry and Snape equal in having no actual caring relatives. I think you have already shown that Kneader can play that role and that is great. Kneader is a great model for Snape in a fatherly role for teenager to be.

I almost dropped my phone in shock at the ending of this chapter! I was not ready for that! I knew it was coming but what a SURPRISE god dang

(FFN is giving me trouble reviewing so I'm putting my review for both ch58 and 59 here) It took forever for me to have the time to catch up on the new chapters but MY GOODNESS was it worth the wait, this was just SO ADORABLE AND SWEET... I cried! Especially chapter 58 where they had their little chat, and Snape (the protective dad!) begrudgingly gave him support in helping even though he didn't want him to... You could FEEL how much he cared in that conversation! "I was unprepared for you", SUCH a good line. And I love that Harry pushed it enough to say he would do it regardless, and that he wasn't asking but telling... Now THAT'S a secure kid. You can tell he's getting comfortable with Snape even if he doesn't consciously know where their relationship stands as he says when he gives him a hug! Love to see it.
I loved Snape asking him to say anything, and of course Harry's first words would be to ask if it worked... You could tell how despairing but RELIEVED Snape was that his totally selfless-to-a-fault kid woke up. So so sweet. And his kiss on the forehead... I have a feeling he will never admit to it in a million years!
And I'm SO happy to hear you're planning a sequel of some sort! Totally understand taking a break, definitely take care of yourself and recharge! Take a nice long nap because you definitely deserve it! This story is SUCH a wonderful one and you should be proud of coming back to finish it!

Hope you're having a wonderful new year :) Stay safe! 3

Snape knowing about Dickens has given me the image that he watched the Muppets Christmas Carol and huffing at the use of the muppets and then getting slightly emotionally invested in Tiny Tim

Don’t mind me, just almost halfway through this fix after starting it 12 hours ago in the middle of the night, quietly crying because of what Snape had given Harry.. someone is just cutting onions right next to me..

Usually I tend to skim the battle scenes in any fiction, but this one I read over an over, four or five times. You write it extremely well. Even though I knew Harry would survive, I did not know how much damage he might sustain or how his attitudes or memory might be changed. It was exciting with the power shifting back and forth. The recognition that love for his friends is strong, but not enough. It is his special love for Snape that finally allows him to free Snape from Voldemort. It is the only thing that can bring joy into their lives. Finally they are *both* ready for it! We need a very long conversation! Great job!

I know it took time before I got to read this... emotional chapter and finally Harry waking up. Snape must be happy to finally be free of the Mark and Harry seemingly not lost his mind but they didn’t really talk so how much did he lose? IDK but freedom is always nice.

Hey Kirby,

thank you for this amazing chapter! Very well written Legilimency-battle and awfully nice emotional ending scene! I cant believe Snape actually gave Harry a kiss! Ive been waiting for this for some chapters allready! Aaaaah! :):):):)
And also the promise for another Snape-Harry-Talk heavy chapter! I cant wait!
And like some others have allready pointed out: I really hope that you'll write a sequel, but I also hope you dont stress youself over it. Sure, you have many excited fans, becuase erveryone who stumbles over you story realises, that it is special - you just dont find this good quality everywhere. But first of all, its your story, and you must enjoy it, I guess. (But of course, if you would write an sequel, you would make you very excited fans very happy. :D)
Also: Ive only seen now, that you answered to my request for good recomendations! Oh my, thank you so much! Funny thing is, I found "Harry Potter and the Enemy within" on my own a couple days ago, but I will definitly look into the other ones! Thanks!
Before I just thank you again and again, I just say bye and all the best,
R-F :)

well it was hell of a ride, i enjoyed it so much, the chapter named sacrifice really made me cry as imagined harry telling himself to never ever call severus a greasy git as running his hands on his hair while thinking snape is dead... dumbledore caring about snape... and hunter is just adorable! i am quite lucky i didnt have to wait for this story like other readers as i started it 72 hours ago or so and finished it. and bambling harry was so cute, by the way is it snowing?
and i reallly appreciate it if you could recommend stories just like this you wrote...i mean the caring...mutual caring not just harry benefitting from it...and not manipulating evilous dumbledore. and just to say this piece of work is the best