|Reviews for The Marine Division|
| easilydissolvedinwater chapter 4 . 6/15/2007
You need to be more descriptive. Give us some background and tell us why we should care what is happening to them.
If not, you just end up something really, really boring.
| Toran of Raysed chapter 1 . 6/2/2007
Wow, do you have any idea how to write a story, I mean, at all.
First off,it's not supposed to be center justified, that's just crappy shit wriing. Secondly, you need to look up some new words, because honestly, "Their best sneaker..." isn't gonna cut it. I mean seriously, "sneaker" for all I know you could be talking about a fucking shoe.
How can you be themost jumbled, but have the best leadership. Jumbled means disorganized, thrown about haphazardly, and if they had good leadership, they wouldn't be jumbled,they would be a well-oiled machine, ready to work for their country.
And how in the great many levels of hell do we know what everyone is good at, if the training is just beginning. How would Jason be able to fight all of his compadres if they had just departed from the bus and were just going to the practice field
How do we know if Joseph is the most motivational person, I don't want to know that yet. You have to develop, and I'll just assume he's your main character, your main character, you can't just tell the readers every thing about him or they won't find him interesting at all. I'm already bored with the story, and I've barely read any of it, keep your readers on their toes, draw them deeper into the story.
And seriously, don'tmakethe main character a fuckin' Mary-Sue or whatever, that's just gay.
| Ghost-InA-Gundam chapter 4 . 5/11/2007
i like the plot but you don't really need the bold print, but you are the writer.