|Reviews for Growing Together|
| skenshingumi chapter 1 . 5/4/2007
I think you did a particularly fine job on Tomoe's voice in this piece. The way you have her musing on Kenshin as she occupies and calms herself with the manual work seems to suit her. I especially liked the reflections on Kenshin's hands and gaze, his peaceful, quiet and calm side contrasted against his hard, cold, ruthless side.
I did find a few distractions in terms of wording. I think the word it or life should be added to this sentence, "Creating life suited him much more than ending.”. In Kenshin's thoughts at the end, there were several phrases that seemed a bit cumbersome that detracted from the flow. For example, this double negative is a bit distracting, "If Kenshin was anything it wasn’t inattentive." I think a positive statement would read better. The next sentence had some jumping verb tenses so it made that first paragraph a little rougher than normal.
I hope this doesn’t sound petty but I know you are a seasoned (and good) writer so I figured I'd bring up what I found a little off.
| sueb262 chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
i love the intensity of their inner lives in this piece-the rush of their emotions, their attempts to understand the "now" in the context of their "then". i especially like how, despite their unfortunate separate histories, they are each aware of a sort of "special dispensation" that each is granting to the other, sort of "just in case" things could be different with this person. i love the idea that there is still this spark of hope within each of them.
really a lovely, quiet piece.