|Reviews for Realms Adjoined|
| Lieju chapter 13 . 5/21/2008
Well, it was funny, if a bit repeative; Grim and Billy arrive at the new world, people creep out after seeing Death, they find someone who they ask if the have seen Mandy, and leave.
The idea was good, and while the fic had it's moments, it left a feeling it could have been a lot better if you would have expanded Grim's and Billy's misadventures a bit more. You didn't even take advantage of the possible plot of Billy getting lost and causing mayhem on his own, or something like that.
So, all in all, nice job, but it left me with a feeling it was hurried, and that Grim and Billy just walked through the worlds, instead of having an adventure.
| bizarro4 chapter 3 . 11/23/2007
another interesting chapter! the meeting between Mandy and Edd was very in-character. and the animals' reaction to "Death" was unexpected and interesting, it's almost too bad that Billy and Grim didn't get to hang out longer!
| TrickyTiara chapter 1 . 11/7/2007
this is one of the funniest fanfics i've read. you managed to keep the characters in uh, character. i like the way the characters keep breaking the fourth wall.
| bizarro4 chapter 2 . 10/21/2007
ha, that seems like such a Billy thing to do, bursting out in song like that. (well, i get the impression that he's actually done it in an actual episode, but i haven't seen too many Billy and Mandy episodes.)
Grim seemed true to character, so good to see you're continuing to keep with canon. i always did wonder why he chose limbo since he's so tall and against such short opponents!
| bizarro4 chapter 1 . 10/7/2007
promising first chapter so far! the characters are true to canon, and the story is definitely plausible to the show. i did notice a couple of typos ("bee's next" and "plasma lamb") but they're small and i don't know if you to want to fix them.
it is interesting that Mandy is talking to the narrator, i'm curious to see if she continues to do that throughout.
all in all, good job, and i look forward to reading more! (eventually :P)
| o-flightless chapter 2 . 5/9/2007
The song was priceless.
Totally true to the series, everyone seems in-character. Good job!
| o-flightless chapter 1 . 5/9/2007
This is really good so far. I like it!
On to the next chapter!
| altairity chapter 13 . 5/9/2007
From your profile, I am going to assume that you're the type of author who will take constructive criticism in a mature way. That said, this really wasn't a bad fic. There are quite a few spots to clean up, but the overall prose wasn't too bad.
Spelling and grammar were near-perfect-I commend you for that. The plot is interesting, although I was hoping that Billy would get his hunny as an ending twist. And I think you did a great job pulling off all the crossovers-everyone was kept more-or-less in character (I can't speak for My Gym Partner's A Monkey, Samurai Jack, or Camp Lazlo, but I've watched a fair amount of everything else.)
It seemed like towards the middle of the fic, Billy was out of character, especially for the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends segment-I can't see him being that comprehendable in the time before Frankie opens the door. Also, there are some redundancies in this fic that you could do without. Like this:
'“Sure,” Eddy commented, “you’ll see us, and you’ll also see just how well we roll in the dough. Financial liquidity, here we come.”
As Eddy ran off to his house, Ed followed after him, Double D over his shoulder.
“Ahahah, liquidy,” Ed laughed, “Are we going to have milk for the cookies, Eddy?”
Double D smacked his hand on his forehead at Ed’s misinterpretation of the word Eddy used.'
We get the humor; you don't have to double-check and make sure with that last sentence.
That said, the main issue with this fic are simply how many times you break the fourth wall and have the characters speak to you at the beginning and end. Not just that, but also the way you converse with the voice of Tom Kenny, or the 'oh-so-subtle' ways Mandy jabs at you when she's with Double D. One time or even two and we'll laugh-but seeing Mandy and Double D talking to the narrator every freakin' chapter wears us down and the comedy is lost. And you know, having your characters criticize the fic doesn't invalidate others doing it. As blunt as I'm being, it actually gives the reader the impression that you have low self-esteem and you want reviewers to 'correct' you and tell you this is a great fic.
There is no need to banter with the characters as much as you did. Please. I think that's the biggest flaw with this story yet, but without those parts, it would be quite the enjoyable read.
And one more thing in the more technical range-this is more of a suggestion, but why are all thirteen chapters, the prologue, and the epilogue all posted up at once? It shouldn't matter, seeing as you might write for just yourself and not for others and reviews, but a full story posted up all at once turns off a lot of readers. It's just in a block, it's very wearing to read through the whole thing. Also, I have to question why you posted the prologue and epilogue as different stories. Again, this shouldn't matter if you're only writing for self-expression, but in case you want reviews, you might want to give your readers a little breathing space.
Anyways, you are a good writer, overall. Your writing is simple but fun to read. But I suggest next time to keep the jabs and sarcasm in the fourth wall breakages to a minimum, for they seriously weaken your writing. I hope to see more Billy and Mandy fics from you in the future.