Reviews for My Life
Harry Potter Fan 1994 chapter 5 . 7/9/2007
Great chapter! LOL the llama thing was funny, BB rules! Can't wait for the Robstar!
Twilightstorm1993 chapter 5 . 6/27/2007
Errant Wrath chapter 5 . 6/26/2007
Sorry this has to be short I have to get going but Great update! And I of course can't wait for more.
Harry Potter Fan 1994 chapter 4 . 6/20/2007
LOL great chapters! Update soon!
Errant Wrath chapter 4 . 6/19/2007
Fun! Great chapter. I really enjoyed it. Hope you will update again soon.

Twilightstorm1993 chapter 4 . 6/19/2007
AWSOME! I think your really good
Saint H chapter 3 . 6/16/2007
Well, first off, I can tell its your first fic, beings that your writing style could use some work.

However, I'm thrilled to inform you that you don't suck. It's obvious you know what you want to write and how to write just that you haven't written enough to convey what you want to in a more expressive manner.


Long and short of it, ignore me and keep writing. The more you read and write, the better your stories'll get.


Keep up the good work.
Errant Wrath chapter 3 . 6/15/2007
Nice update. I like the pov change. Keep it up!

The Magician Joseph chapter 3 . 6/15/2007
All right first off, please do not take this as an attack on your person, I'm sure your a great person. But your story is rather shabby.

I noticed towards the end of the story you actually started captilizing the beginning of your sentances which is a good thing. You need to expand your details, appeal to the senses, don't merely say the basic verbs and diaglouge. Also make sure to state who is speaking so that we actually know who is speaking. Make sure to use tone, and mood words your story lacks them. And stop with the one sentance paragraphs! There is no exuse for an entire paragraph that is that short.
Twilightstorm1993 chapter 3 . 6/15/2007
Totally awsome I am so glad you upated!
Wolphie chapter 2 . 6/12/2007
Hey, nice story! Hope u can update soon!
Raven's Secret chapter 2 . 5/30/2007
the plot is good, but you really need to work on your writing. i am going to say right now i don't want to sound mean.

when you write, you skip from 1st person omniscient to third person to 1st person limited to 1st person onmiscient, etc. don't do that. it makes everything really confusing and weird and just plain unreadable (is that a word?). i would suggest, for this story, staying in 1st person limited.

also, you rush through it way too quickly. you skip from quote to quote way to fast and don't describe anything. again, don't do that. you should describe scenes and actions, not just quotes.

ex. "Slowly I dragged my body to the Common Room. The hallway was long and dark, as always. Even a floor above the Common Room I could hear Cyborg and Beast Boy playing video games. They never seemed to quit. It was like an on-going battle of which there could be no winner.

At last I reached my goal. The doors, as programed to do, slid open at my presence. As I suspected, Cyborg and Beast Boy were swaying with the game almost in synch. Every few moments Beast Boy would jump up, then finally calm down and slowly regain his cross-legged position on the couch.

Robin and Starfire, too, were in the room. They were on the couch in each other's arms, as usual. Starfire was giggling, her hand covering her mouth, and Robin had his arm around her shoulder looking pleased with himself.

"Hey Rae." A voice startled me.

"My name is RAVEN." I insist. Why must they call me RAE? They no I dispise the name."

See? only 2 quotes yet a lot of length.

another problem I had was your spacing. Most of it was good, except you should hit ENTER after every quote. So instead of typing:

“Yo Rae!” “What?” I asked glaring.

you should type:

“Yo Rae!”

“What?” I asked, glaring.

there's another thing too. You need to work on your punctuation.

*wipes back of hand across forehead* well, now that I have constructively criticized my heart out, i hope it helps. Again, I don't want to sound mean. I am trying to help you. guess you saw a bit of my English Obsessed self, huh? sorry about that. lol. other than those points, i think this is a really good fic and could go quite far. but if you were only to listen to one of those points, I would suggest it be the "describe the scenes" one. that really makes a story interesting and adds length, and the longer the story, the happier me! i mean, think about it. Which is more interesting? A movie where you see the background and setting, or one where the story is only focused on the faces of the actors? hearing about what something looks, sounds, tastes, feels, and smells like always makes for a better story.

As my creative writing teacher always told us: "Show, don't tell"

in other words, show what is happening and show how people react to things. Don't just say it outright. :D
Harry Potter Fan 1994 chapter 2 . 5/21/2007
Ohh, that was so good, and I feel so bad for Raven, she doesn't have anyone! It's a really good story so far.
M.C. Castle chapter 2 . 5/19/2007
Short, but good. It sets the stage for where this story's headed. Keep it up.
Errant Wrath chapter 2 . 5/19/2007
Good. Suspenseful. I'm still very interested to see where this will lead up to. Keep going and keep up the good writing!

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