|Reviews for An Empire Soldier|
| Trueshot159 chapter 1 . 5/15/2007
ok heres my thing
I love the story idea
you just need some more details...like really get into things in the first chapter the guy pokes him then they leave,all im saying is get a little more in depth...otherwise a great idea and cant wait to read more..! :)
| Extartius chapter 1 . 5/14/2007
While I'm usually the first to promote short, snappy sentences you seem to have taken this to the extreme. Try stringing a few of them together, e.g. "He wandered along for a while, greeting anyone that was awake with..." you see? Short sentences are great for combat scenes, but when the pace is relaxed you might reflect that in a few slightly longer sentences.
Another suggestion would be to try and give your story a bit of depth. This will not only make it a bit longer, but will help me as a reader to identify with your characters. At the moment they are two dimensional.
Just a few suggestions, keep writing!
| Death Korps chapter 1 . 5/14/2007
This is a promising story, even though the grammar is not very good at a few timnes. I hope that you try to work on this. I already expereinced on my own story how a bad grammar can shy away potential readers from an otherwise nice story.
Anyways, please keep up writing, there are few warhammer fantasy out there and this one seems promising.