|Reviews for Lily and James|
| Devatron2000 chapter 5 . 7/19/2007
very nice I hope you do more.
| anyadelacour chapter 5 . 7/19/2007
i love this stoary! its so good! please update soon!
| Barbara Mosquera chapter 4 . 6/21/2007
i love this story! i also hope u will continue after this chapter PLEASE?
| Pride3 chapter 4 . 5/20/2007
Well, I'm quite a sucker for compliments so I'm afraid I might be a little biased right now, but let's carry on, shall we?
The interaction of the characters definitely seems more genuine than it was before. I’m not sure that I can pinpoint any certain thing, but it was well written. Well rounded. Lily’s friends seem more real, and though Lily and James are still quite fluffy around the edges I can definitely see character development and you actually write flirting scenes very well which seems like a rare gift in the world of fan fiction.
I would like to address the topic of clichés. Now of course I know that some authors like to write along the lines of clichés and that’s fine with the exception that the cliché is written well. But I’ve read so many of the whole James taking Lily on a ride on his broomstick (I’m sorry, but that sentence sounds entirely wrong on several levels to me) that I’d need several hands and feet to count them on. You put a little spin on yours though. And though however tiny it might be, the scene certainly made more sense. James’ reason for taking Lily for a ride was to show her why he liked Quidditch so much. It might be a little unbelievable but it was better than some other stories I’ve read and also the humor you included was a big plus.
On the whole, you’re getting there. Keep up the good work!
P.S. Just to let you know, to avoid the whole she/he and her/him thing, I’m a girl.
| Princess Shinko chapter 4 . 5/20/2007
a very good chapter, you could expand a bit on james' feelings but other than that it was very well structured ;)
| vague-as-fog chapter 4 . 5/20/2007
I actually think this is really well written, sometimes there a bits added in that possibly aren't need, but it's all up to the writer, eh?
| Pride3 chapter 3 . 5/18/2007
Erm...I just don't know about this. I want to read a story that is set apart from all other stories. What makes it special? Why would I want to read it? I want to read about characters that make me laugh and want to know more about them. I want to genuinely care about the people I'm reading about. Give Lily's friends a little more personality than just her handy dandy sidekicks. Let Lily and James be more than one sided. A little bit of Peter, maybe? I want to read about characters who are human. I need to care about these characters and what happens to them because then, even if your plot turns to complete shite, you've still got these unforgettable people. Right now this story is frankly very uninteresting.
| Princess Shinko chapter 3 . 5/18/2007
good chapter, i like the whole werewolf essay thing. please update , but don't forget about L&D
| Pride3 chapter 2 . 5/14/2007
It's definitely better. I admit that I did almost laugh out loud when "Remus snorted. 'I hope that's not a direct quote,' he said, looking up from his book. 'I’d cry too if someone told me that.'" Good line and I think you certainly redeemed yourself on that part.
I know I'm not the one writing the story or anything and if I'm stepping over the line by saying this then by all means ignore me, but I'd like to see some interaction between Lily and other people whether it be a friend or just another student. Of course you might be adding this in the third installment of this story/drabble/one-shot/thing or not. I mean, it is titled "Lily and James Drabbles" after all so it might just be centered around them, but nonetheless...wow, sorry, I just totally rambled on there, didn't I?
Good job adding more depth in and I liked the line, "She’d heard him use that line before. She’d accidentally walked in on him breaking up with a Ravenclaw last year. He’d said, 'I know you’ll think you’re worthless because I’m breaking up with you, but you’re not. You’re worth anything. I just don’t think this relationship will work out. I’d like to be friends though.'" Gives a good reason for James using the line before and yet another wonderful reason why he just needs to get over himself. I'm planning on reading more so I'd like to see an update soon!
| Princess Shinko chapter 2 . 5/14/2007
sweet lily james fic, but what happened to love and disappointments, half the people on fanfic are waiting for u to update on that fic ;)
| Silverian Rose chapter 2 . 5/13/2007
ah, this is actually a very sweet lily and james story, i hope you update soon!
| iluvreading chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
Stupid, I mean James
| Sirius and Fred Live On chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
Hey! I like it so far! Update!
| Pride3 chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
Er...can this really be considered a drabble? Besides that though it just seemed like you didn't take any time with the dialogue or with the emotions that the characters would feel. Especially at the end, why would Lily sob? And could you get anymore cliche with, "Lily, you're worth anything and everything"? And this coming from the boy who just earlier that day was saying that he was going to kill her. The plot line seems very unoriginal and I think this story could definitely use some revision. What are the feelings that you truly want to portray? Do you think you've accomplished that or did you just write this in time to post before you go to bed? Do you truly want this to be a good story and for people to enjoy it? Give it depth and sincerity.