|Reviews for 50 laps|
| Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967 chapter 8 . 8/21/2012
i loved it! can't wait for more!
| PiyokochandeArimasu chapter 8 . 6/30/2010
cool! Continue please XD
| purplestylus chapter 8 . 7/17/2008
This is good! Definitely one of the best Tezuka X OC fics that I've read! Most Tezuka fics would make him a little OOC, but yours managed to keep his personality, which makes the story even more interesting! Update soon, please! _
| sinandtragedy chapter 8 . 5/6/2008
I like the story...
| ajisainokimi chapter 8 . 1/26/2008
a ha ha ha ha skirts...i wonder... keep up the good work
| ajisainokimi chapter 3 . 1/26/2008
pretty strong willed girl. i like her
| everlastingdeath chapter 1 . 12/24/2007
This is blackorchid xD
Yeah Tezuka smile more often...Your smile is so cute xD
Reika calling the great and feared captain of Seigaku Pervert is really...Uh how should I say this Shocking xD
| Geekbob Smartypants chapter 8 . 12/12/2007
Update soon! I really like this story! ]
| Sierralaine Walsh chapter 8 . 11/20/2007
I totally enjoyed ur fic! heehee. hope u update soon then! I just heart Tezuka! _
| kokuyoku-zen chapter 5 . 11/16/2007
Problems that I have with your fic:
1. Fan-girl Japanese. Please do decide on which language you would want to use. You're writing your fic in English and it's better if you keep on writing it that way. Fan-girl Japanese distracts the readers and the pacing of our story itself. Write a whole fic in Japanese using the appropriate kanas and kanjis and then I will respect you.
2. Your fic lacks detail. This is a big no no. Show the readers about what's happening in your fic. It doesn't have to be full of flowery descriptive words (as it can get really annoying), but giving a description about how the characters are feeling or about the scenery/mood/situation/timeline wouldn't hurt.
3. OOC-ness. Especially Tezuka. RESEARCH more about his charcter before you write him. Tezuka is one of the hardest characters from PoT to write. Keeping him in character is not easy.
“If you’re planning to change your clothes here, be sure to lock the door. I don’t want a scandal here in this club.” He looked at Reika before closing the door.
Tezuka will never say things like this. Period.
And why is he so damn talkative? And mushy? And . . . smiley! It's blasphemy . . .
4. How would Inui know that Tezuka was punched by a girl? Can you even tell the difference? I doubt Inui has much fighting experience to know.
5. Why is Kikumaru the only guy you call with his first name in your narrations? What makes him so special? Is it really that hard to call him Kikumaru? The only person who calls him Eiji are only Momo, Fuji, Oishi and Kawamura anyway. Inconsistencies yet again.
6. Get a beta, as there are one too many grammatical errors, awkward sentences and misspellings to count.
7. Reika's personality is suspiciously similar to Kamiyama89's Makoto Yuzuki (Onegai, Tutor!) and stophoggingtheblanket's Tawako Kamaika (The Iceman Cometh). Her scenes in the classroom with Tezuka, Tezuka being her tutor, her attitude towards Tezuka gives me a strong sense of deja vu concerning "Onegai, Tutor!" and "The Iceman Cometh"
Coincidentally, both characters from those two fics are, in my personal opinion, better than Reika. But this is just me nitpicking and being biased.
8. Tezuka's mother has a name. RESEARCH! Her name is Ayana, in case you're too lazy to research. His dad's name is Kuniharu and his grandfather's name is Kunikazu.
9. Reika being their substitute coach is unrealistic. True, some clubs does appoint a member of their team to be acting coach (to supervise the players or give them tips) but there must be a teacher present at all times (read the manga Slam Dunk and Harlem Beat if you don't believe me).
10. Inui. Does. Not. Calculate. Each. And. Every. Little. Thing. That's. Happening. Around. Him.
ex: “There is a 65 probability that he is here for an interview, 27 he just wants to visit, 7 because he thought that today is the regular selection and the remaining 1 is her.” The data man pointed at Reika.
11. Why is everyone calling her Reika-chan? Learn about the suffix '-chan' before you use it, why don't you? RESEARCH! Plus the fact that I can't really imagine Inui calling someone with the suffix '-chan'. . .
12. You kept switching between 'Mom' and 'Okaa-san'. See point number one about fan-girl Japanese and consistencies. Same goes for 'Echizen' and 'Ryoma'. Please, do stick with one?
This is not a flame btw. A flame would be something along the lines of: 'OMGZ! YOUR CHARACTER ISH A MARY-SUE!ONEONELEVEN1! THE HORROZ! BLASHFEMY!ONE1!'
To be frank, I don't care about OCs being Mary-Sues. It's the quality of their fic is what I care about. Your fic has potential to be one of the best OC fics around here. But you need to work extremely hard to improve your fic. My suggestion is that you practice more (writing fics) before actually posting them here. Get a beta. Proofread, reaserch more about the characters (their traits, quirks, personality) etc.
Again, you have potential. Your fic has potential. You just need more effort and more practice and more research.
| BloodNinja555 chapter 5 . 11/13/2007
you know that in chap 5 you said her instead of his right?
| blackorchid143 chapter 8 . 11/12/2007
Oh thanks goodness you updated! I was really bored ya' know xD
I know Tezuka would fell in love with her!
| Singer in the Wind chapter 8 . 11/11/2007
This story is god. I bet she has to wear a skirt...possibly...update soon, ne?
| lupinlovesme chapter 8 . 11/11/2007
Thanks so much for updating! I've been dying to read this!Great chapter...Skirts...i might puke...i hate skirts! Why do girls always have to wear them? arg!Please update soon! Thankies!
| JayleeJ chapter 8 . 11/11/2007
Aww, Cute chapter! Update soon!