|Reviews for Legacy of Kain The Wheel of Fate|
| Kildiazar the Unwanted Ghost chapter 5 . 6/15/2007
So I assume this takes place in the future? And what the Hylden don't know will hurt them... BAD!
Anyway, I love your dialogue. It sounds all so convincing, so real. I mean, you made me read it out loud in the form of a radio play. How do I say this? It's pleasing to the ears, to mine at least. It must've been hard doing the dialogue with so many Hylden, you know, not mixing them up.
So yeah, how you can concoct a tale/history for Nosgoth as realistic as that is beyond me. Keep up the great work!
| Kildiazar the Unwanted Ghost chapter 4 . 6/6/2007
Last surviving Razielim? OMG! I didn't see that coming. I thought it was another one of the Elder race. Cool! Oh you are so full of surprises!
Btw, your language is better than last time but may I repeat, "and on that word Lothiam spread his appendices letting light filter through the leathery membrane." Please don't give me such thoughts. He has more than one appendix? How did he spread them? No. I believe the word you're looking for is "appendage."
Sorry if I'm being so critical here. I like your story and all but there all these awkward bits scattered around. It ruins the atmosphere of the story. I just want to improve it, that's all. If I'm being too critical, please tell me and I'll stop.
| darth chapter 3 . 6/2/2007
hmm shes the first balance gaurdian and kain is the scion of balance and last balance so far
| Kildiazar the Unwanted Ghost chapter 3 . 6/1/2007
Wow! You're very descriptive! I could imagine every scene and battle ensuing in my mind.
I also like the excerpts you put in at the beginning of every chapter. Maybe you should put those in your story summary instead. It might catch more attention and lead others to read and reveiw your worl. Just a suggestion. ;D
Keep up the good work! I'm loving it!
P.S. You just a few errors to work out, mainly your choice of words. For example, "He belched a scream, falling to the ground." It just makes me wonder, how does someone belch a scream? I can only imagine a very sickly and dying creature making a sound like that. I know what you're trying to say but it just sounds awkward.
That's all for now.
| Kildiazar the Unwanted Ghost chapter 2 . 5/28/2007
Wow! That was quick work! I am amazed. However, unless you have many chapters, it's not a good idea to keep updating in a short period of time. I've seen it happen to many a good fic, including mine. They would just fall unnoticed to the bottom of the list. I don't want your story to end up in a similar fate. It's definitely worth reading. It just keeps getting more and more interesting.
Btw, sorry but I sort of got confused with the 2 POV's. Especially since the other persona also seems to be an ancient.
Other than that, keep up the good work! ;D
| Kildiazar the Unwanted Ghost chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
Oh yes, this is really good! Interesting, Kain has transformed into one of the Ancients. Please, do continue. I must know what happens next.
I await your next chapter.
Keep up the good work! ;D