Reviews for Ventricles
nousedenyingit chapter 1 . 5/6
I can't believe you managed to convey so many emotions and made ME emotional in 2k words but you did, and for that I'm so thankful. This is supremely beautiful to read, thank you for writing it.
gigglesx3 chapter 1 . 4/9/2008
Wow... just... wow. I'm speachless, and can't even put together a sentence. Your writing is just so amazing, I can't get enough. I hope you decide to write more Rory/Jess, you write them so well!
LandonLover chapter 1 . 6/11/2007
Very good. I miss well written's a dying artform cuz stupid people just try to get their thoughts out onto paper instead of writing them well. Bravo. If I may...write more Jess/Rory, please? :) :-*
Lirazel chapter 1 . 6/7/2007
music4mysoul chapter 1 . 6/5/2007
wow, amazing, I am at a loss of words to say, its really great
hungry neptune chapter 1 . 6/3/2007
love it!

ArdentTVFiend chapter 1 . 6/3/2007
Glad to see you writing GG again!
canthereisto chapter 1 . 5/29/2007
Ok, so I have to review. Have to as in, I can't bear the thought of not joining with the seventeen other people who've already told you how amazing this story is. If this isn't too stalkerish to say, it was really you and someone5 who got me into actually writing Literati. Your style is so unlike everything I've ever read, it's so beautiful and rightthereinyourchest to really even be called fic. It suits the Literati relationship so well, in that it's literary itself. You take something that could be so mundane and so boring into something that makes you ache for the characters and feel them in your skin. You create some of the best mental images and similes that I've ever read, succinct and deceptively simple, but hit you with 'wow'. And now, as with everyone else I review, I apologise now for the quotage that is to come. "He learns how to read mindlessly." Six words that show so much of Jess. Jess is instinctually, innately someone who thinks and analyses, regardless of what he's doing and even more so when he reads. That he has to learn to do what most people do really shows that. No idea if that's what you went for, but that just resonated with me.

The way that he had to physically stop himself from admitting that he misses her because "It’s not his place and she won’t have it." Again with the simple/complex sentence. It's just so true, because it was still a little too raw, a little too open for him to say that. Especially because she's the one who should be hurting, or at least that's the way he considers it. That he feels that he doesn't deserve to hurt over his abandonment of her is definitely the mental route he'd take. Of course you know that because you're well, you.

"Connecticut seems like it’s not even on the map anymore." I saw this phrase in your summary and felt it could mean so many things, distance either emotional of physical, but here when he's talking about the heat pushing everything so far away, that all that can be concentrated on is the's just such a great image. On that tangent, the images of the dripping tap in time with his heart and of Rory crawling quite literally into it and fashioning it in a way that suits her, that could cradle her is wonderful. It's something I'm sure everyone noticed, but it's just so vivid, and it really demonstrates that her burrowing her way in there was painful (because something moving apart your ventricles would hurt. At least, I'd think so)

Now I just have to ask, these couple of sentences: "She’s different too, but not many people know that.

Part of him wonders if her sheets still smell like his sweat." They sound to me as if he was her first at some point before he left. All I can really say to that is one) the way you wrote it again, like everything else, wonderful and two)that's how it should have been.

The following section that talks about the aircon never getting fixed, her impending arrival back east, whether he'd call her, what they'd said last time? All of that? Is love. It's just so there and explains all that was needed without stating the ins and outs of the conversation. Because that's all it essentially boiled down to, a mutual admission of lies.

Your description of Jess at the airport was...okay, I'm running out of adjectives here so in the interest of being repetative and redundant, it was wonderful. It was so vivid and so Jess. For one who doesn't find it easy to mentally picture things, it was so clear, like I'm watching him as I stand in the crowd.

I like that they start again tentatively after Rory asks him a question. It's always been a series of questions, ones he does and doesn't answer and she always wants to know. It was such a beautifully quiet moment. The paragraph with them at the beach, again is just great. Capturing them at ease with each other so perfectly, but showing that he's still nervous and uncertain. That he's mostly shown her his answer, but has to re-inforce it by whispering it to her is something Jess would do, for these things he has to be sure.

And those last three paragraphs. I can't pick a singular thing or I'd just paste the whole lot in, but I just loved the quiet quality. The thud of nerves and worry and barriers stopped and was just peaceful and accepting the two of them together. That Rory blurts out that she loves him at the end of a conversation and hangs up afterwards refusing to answer his call, is something I could see happening. That he has to process it before calling her back, and persistently doing so, just so he can say it back is both adorable and Jess. Which is really the same thing but still. And finally, "Connecticut slowly crawls back onto the map and his heart slowly stops killing him from the constant ache and drip" Here, Connecticut on the map does signify the distance and Rory and everything about them, rather than the oppressive heat and I just really loved that sentence. And that it comes back full circle with the heat making it too hot to think.

Even if you feel that you've been rusty concerning Literati, it definitely doesn't show. This entire fic just worked so well and I really enjoyed reading it.

pam halliwell chapter 1 . 5/29/2007
Missed your Lit writing :( but this is so good. Thanks for the song, btw, it's quickly become one of my favourites!
StaleCoffee chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
Amazing. I've been craving your Literati stuff since you finished your last story, glad to see you've still got it.:P
ibreak4CSI chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
Rusty? If *this* is rusty, then I think I'd die from the sheer perfection of something you think is good.

This fic was not what I was expecting when I clicked on it, and yet, it was still amazing. Your writing style never fails to leave me in awe. Fantastic job!
permanently temporary chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
i'm completely in love with this story. comparing his heart with the dripping water is really just great... i can't even think of a decent word to describe the magnificence(hope thats spelled right). i think this is one of the best lines in the story: "He thinks he might bleed, a little, but her words are not made of barb wire and his hands are hardly broken anymore."

Love your writing. I hope you can write more soon.
lltn chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
"It’s more irritating than anything, but he welcomes the heat more than he welcomes his thoughts."

That entire first paragraph was BRILLIANT. rusty my butt! that was beyond awesome. you got his voice perfectly. and the situation is heartbreaking but still grounded, if that makes any sense. i loved the entire thing. :}
Scazydramaqueen282 chapter 1 . 5/27/2007
I have to admit, this was not what I was expecting. And honestly, it was almost disappointing, until I realized where it was going. I'd hate to see you, the queen of everything Rory and Jess with meaning, fall away into fluff-land. But, as always, you made something that seems so simple, cookie-cutter, into something complex and beautiful. The words you write seem to come alive on the page, and make the impossible (Rory climbing into Jess and moving around his ventricles, for example) appear possible. The fact that you are only sixteen and have accomplished so much with your writing, having such incredible talent and style inspires me, a writer who isn't even 15 yet. (well, not until Saturday!)

I just wanted to tell you how amazingly fantastic this is, and you are, too. Thank you so much!

-Mariah :-)
rainwater tears chapter 1 . 5/27/2007
Why are you so amazing?

Seriously. I could just quote like mad because this is beautiful and in character and most definitely the way things should have gone and it makes me want to dig through all the snippets of Lit fic I've got sitting around and maybe actually finish something for once.

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