|Reviews for The Dark Wars: Empire's Plight|
| BenignViewer chapter 6 . 7/23
I know this story is years and years old now, and you have probably already learnt this and greatly improved, but some constructive criticism for this chapter nonetheless is:
You could use more 'show' and less 'tell' story telling. When you were describing Harry's appearance previously you used the 'tell' style a lot, and it's less interesting and engaging than demonstrating these things.
Don't indicate "Flashbacks" verbatim in a story. Also try to avoid using the same noun in a sentence.
Instead, for example doing something like this:
'...searing pain shot through his head, making him wince as he [clutched it]. He had the strangest sensation of falling even though he was now standing before a familiar scene...'
[insert flashback here.]
'He shook his head of the muddled images, immediately regretting it as the pain again* returned to the fore...'
*Using "again" here is optional; it's whether or not you wish to imply that Harry has had the flashbacks before/regularly or if it's his first one. It is a detail that this scene has the opportunity to show us more about Harry without it being told.
All that said this is a wonderful story, and I am greatly enjoying, and very interested by, the universe you have created for your Dark Wars universe.
| biblioholic chapter 7 . 11/28/2014
Are there no women soldiers in the army?
| Sammyboy94 chapter 12 . 10/29/2014
| rlchala chapter 12 . 8/25/2014
You had me hooked by just reading the summary. The brief historical records at the beg fining of each chapter are a brilliant and fun idea. Although there wasn't much time for character development, you did wanders in creating and giving depth to your universe.
I'll be starting the next installment soon
| Sirwalterbeck chapter 6 . 8/9/2014
by chance did you happen to read the Bernard Cornwell series which also happened to feature a rifleman called Sharpe?
i do enjoy a good war story and a cunning general is a wonderful bonus.
| Tifah 98 chapter 6 . 7/20/2014
U r an AMAZING WRITER"! I soooooo love how u portray harry"! Plus im a BIG fan of harryxginny :)
Also I love that little war song at the end I memorized it!
| Sammyboy94 chapter 5 . 4/30/2014
I understand the import the ME bullet plays in the story. But a normal 5.56mm from an M-16 or a 7.62 from an M-14 will still kill anything within 500 meters wizard or not.
| FinalGuardian chapter 3 . 12/21/2013
SHARPE! XD HAHA! My favorite fictional military character.
| sunneedee chapter 7 . 12/7/2013
Marvellous writing, wonderful battle scenes. If only the plot was better. The blind patriotism is starting to make me twitch.
| sunneedee chapter 5 . 12/7/2013
I'm really not sure if this is a sequel or not. I'm guessing not, but how can Harry and Ginny be married if this isn't a time travelling fic somehow? If he's 16, she's certainly not of age. I'm also confused about why Harry is acting like a 30 something man, and why Hogwarts students are so impressed at the army's old fashioned guns. Surely magic would beat them? Modern day machine guns now...
| sunneedee chapter 4 . 12/7/2013
This is really confusing! How does Harry know the mysterious Gryffindor female? How can he be married?
Also, I'm not sure how to take all the patriotism from the students. I'm not sure whether they are like that because this is an AU, as young people are definitely not like that towards the monarchy in the uk, or because the author is not British and doesn't realise that most young people are indifferent or disdainful towards the royalty. Maybe this is the way it would have been in the 1940's but I definitely could not imagine anyone I know behaving like that
| The Defenestrated Typewriter chapter 5 . 11/5/2013
Rotating fire tactics don't increase the number of shots fired, they just spread them out over time. Instead of having a group of 5 soldiers fire of a volley of shots every 5 seconds you have 5 soldiers rotating who shoots so you have 1 soldier firing of 1 shot each second. both groups are still firing of 5 shots a second just one group has spread the shots out over time.
| Sorcerer's Muse chapter 4 . 4/30/2013
Really, we don't get to know just who Harry's spy/wife is? Cruel.
| Sorcerer's Muse chapter 3 . 4/30/2013
Many questions that I will simply wait to see the answers for.
| Sorcerer's Muse chapter 2 . 4/30/2013
Lots of contradictions in your first two chapters. Nevile was Dumbledore's savior in chapter one. He learns Harry is alive and suddenly Harry is the savior. Is your prophecy the same as JKR's? If so was Nevile ever marked by the dark lord such that it would lead Dumbledore to think he was the savior? How exactly do Lily and James have adult children when Harry is still an infant? They were only in their twenties at the time Voldemort came for Harry which means, baring time travel, that Lily was pregnant with Harry's older brothers between the ages of 3 and 6. The one thing I think I'm glad of so far is that you seem intent on showing the great and might wizads, Snape inparticualr, just how bad ass us Muggles can be.