Reviews for The Dark Wars: Empire's Plight |
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![]() ![]() How many times can you say Avada Kadavra In a minute. I'm guessing its about 30. Bare minimum 10. A wand is effectively a semi automatic weapon. |
![]() ![]() ![]() ohh so good! |
![]() ![]() ![]() okay |
![]() ![]() ![]() still a favorite of mine. Read it years ago. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I've really enjoyed reading this, well done. As a side note take a look at the use of Buck and Ball, ammo at the Sunken Lane during the American Civil War. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Great story I really liked it good job writing the story. |
![]() ![]() ![]() And he wonders why they don't trust him indeed. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Dumbledore disgusts me. |
![]() ![]() ![]() You're a real fan of the Sharpe series, huh? |
![]() ![]() ![]() I read that Harry was put in charge of 15000 men and i was ready to leave. Then I should also mention that the romance novel style writing made this so boring. Neat concept, felled by foolish execution. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I know this story is years and years old now, and you have probably already learnt this and greatly improved, but some constructive criticism for this chapter nonetheless is: You could use more 'show' and less 'tell' story telling. When you were describing Harry's appearance previously you used the 'tell' style a lot, and it's less interesting and engaging than demonstrating these things. Don't indicate "Flashbacks" verbatim in a story. Also try to avoid using the same noun in a sentence. Instead, for example doing something like this: '...searing pain shot through his head, making him wince as he [clutched it]. He had the strangest sensation of falling even though he was now standing before a familiar scene...' [insert flashback here.] 'He shook his head of the muddled images, immediately regretting it as the pain again* returned to the fore...' *Using "again" here is optional; it's whether or not you wish to imply that Harry has had the flashbacks before/regularly or if it's his first one. It is a detail that this scene has the opportunity to show us more about Harry without it being told. All that said this is a wonderful story, and I am greatly enjoying, and very interested by, the universe you have created for your Dark Wars universe. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Are there no women soldiers in the army? |
![]() ![]() ![]() Love it |
![]() ![]() ![]() You had me hooked by just reading the summary. The brief historical records at the beg fining of each chapter are a brilliant and fun idea. Although there wasn't much time for character development, you did wanders in creating and giving depth to your universe. I'll be starting the next installment soon |
![]() ![]() ![]() by chance did you happen to read the Bernard Cornwell series which also happened to feature a rifleman called Sharpe? i do enjoy a good war story and a cunning general is a wonderful bonus. |