|Reviews for Ten Minutes|
| Ganimyde chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
Hi! Long time no see. I fell off your world; how you been?
This is an interesting little thing. I wouldn't exactly call it fluff, but, I see where you get that. XD Many authors seem to write Al as no-nonsense like you have here, but I like how you make him have a sense of humor, too. _-
All the little details about drugs and disease make me again wonder if you're in med school or something of the like. I strive to do details like you do!
A good thing to read as a return to your works. Can't wait to see the rest...And finish PAA 2, uh...still. xD;
| ishmaranara chapter 1 . 12/16/2008
An interesting and neat oneshot. Though the idea that someone isn't chasing the brothers would be odd. I liked the joke about the coffee beans, as it would definitely still be too bitter.
| Melissa chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
I love you because you teach me history while entertaining me. I looked up the Spanish Flu online and read about it. My teacher might have mentioned it when I took world history in high school (almost certainly did), but I completely didn't remember. You scared me when I thought Al had taken a lethal dose. Self-sacrifice for loved ones is a very Elric thing to do. Pure self-destruction not so much, though, so I'm glad he didn't really drink it all.
| KageSakura chapter 1 . 2/7/2008
This is quite possibly one of the best portrayals of the Elric brothers I have ever read. And I'm not just saying that...
Good job. 5/5 (_)
| Nobody McNo-one chapter 1 . 11/7/2007
SCARY! DO THEY DIE? PLZ REPLY NO, CAUSE I LOVE AL AND ED!
PS GOOD JOB!
| JessiTsuki chapter 1 . 7/13/2007
That was good. It could have shown what happened afterwards but still very good!
| anon chapter 1 . 7/12/2007
Nice and fluffy.
| DevLeigh chapter 1 . 6/20/2007
I do agree with SilverFox, even though you said it was a one-shot! WRITE SOME MORE!
Well, actually, you're writing brotherly luff in your current one, so I'm good! I do so like the brotherly luff (non-creepy).
“It was astonishing how swiftly things could go from bad to worse.”
What a great opening! It grabs the reader right off the bat! I love it!
“Now I . . . know how sensei . . . felt.”
Izumi! Izumi! I love Izumi, and you added her in! Oh, you just love me, don’t you? She is just an awesome character, and they killed her off! Sorry…ran for another time.
“That’s my line, stupid.”
I love the banter! Banter! Brotherly banter! OH! And I love their “stupid!” I love how that sounds!
“Alphonse Elric retched again, the sound wet on the rancid dirt beneath their knees.”
I absolutely love the whole premise of this! Al puking out his guts and Ed trying to get the medicine down and some place safe! It is just so awesome!
“And he needed them. Needed them desperately.”
I love the repetition! It sounds so dramatic, and, though this sounds disgusting, it rips the reader’s heart out. It’s like, “Get the drugs! Take the drugs!” But at the same time, it’s like, “NO! DON’T!”
“Don’t be an idiot. Just keep breathing.”
I’ve been trying to master this skill because I think it’s so awesome! You don’t use actions here. You use internal thoughts, and they are just so cool! I want to learn how to do this! *so envious*
“Cyanosis. Lack of oxygen in the arterial blood.”
Ooh! More research! I love it! You sound like a doctor, and it sounds so great! I’ve been using wikipedia lately for this type of stuff! I want to sound this good!
“And that was for people whose immune systems hadn’t taken a four year hiatus in a completely sterile environment.”
Oh! Reference to the anime! Yea! And great way to use it! I like this idea of Al not being exposed to diseases, and that makes him more vulnerable. Aw…poor Al!
“He felt his brother nod, reluctantly clutching weakly at his waist as Ed hauled them to their feet.”
FANART! What a great mental picture! You rock!
“Brother-“ Al gasped, stumbling to his knees as he retched again.”
I hate to say this, but this is a great mental picture, too, and I love how you keep the ill in there. It never fades for a second! It really keeps the tension there!
“They were also unnaturally quiet about it.”
I really like this sentence. It’s really ominous and foreshadows…
“He was dead. (paragraph) He had died playing cards, and none of his tablemates had noticed?”
BOOM! All this death—I don’t want to sound weird here, but another great section here! The idea of all the guys about the table dead…kinda creepy, but really…niffy, too.
“The arm around his waist tightened slightly, and Ed hauled his brother closer, moving quickly to the opposite side of the warehouse.”
I can totally see this! It is so freakin’ awesome! I love it! MENTAL IMAGES are crazy! Fan artist? We need a fan artist here!
from “There it was, holding its treasure." to "...a patient’s skin was starting to darken.”
I like the way you made mention of the war and American-made! As I told you, history fics are cool, and even better, I know a little something about this! Whoo! I AM in love with this! And I like the description you gave of the pills! “Pinkie-size” is awesome!
“Now that they were still, and in decent light, he was almost afraid to look at his brother.”
Aww…poor Ed! *huggles* I love his thoughts!
“Less than a year. They’d been here less than a year.”
No rest for the weary!
“Take them.” (paragraph) “Al, you have to get them down-“
I love the brotherly love! It is just so…I’m all warm and fuzzy inside!
“Armor was an inhospitable place for an infection.”
*giggles* I love it!
“No!” The weak hand…” to “Listen to me. You’re . . . flushed.”
Aww…another great mental image, and I love how you get Al to convince his brother that’s he’s sick! It took me a while to figure out that Ed was actually getting sick, which I think that was your purpose. I thought Al was sick and kinda delusional, but Ed was really sick! Poor guys!
"Ed raised his automail hand, patting the clammy one wrapped around his human wrist."
Al knows which one to grab! HA!
“Now he was going to have psychosomatic symptoms.”
I love how Al does that! Messing with your brother’s mind (though he really wasn’t).
"The last thing he needed to do was convince his delirious brother that he was coming down with the same thing –
“Al’s blood sugar was probably also tanking.”
The wording of this is excellent! “Tanking!” I love the tanking!
“[Al] allowed himself to be pulled somewhat upright, and despite giving his brother a nasty look, he accepted the glass pressed into his hand.”
You love me! This whole fic is one big mental image of brotherly love in my head!
“Very rarely did Al call him by his name, and he reached up to pat his brother’s right arm. “
That is my favorite line of the whole thing! I love how Al calls his brother, “Brother,” and then when he gets mad or just wants to get Ed’s attention, he calls his brother by his name! And I love how you incorporate it here!
“Remember how sick I got, a couple years back? After Colonel Bastard was assigned to East?”
I’m using the word “love” a lot, but what can I do? I love this whole thing, and this section is totally full of it! I love how you make a little history of the Ed getting sick, and “Colonel Bastard!” *laughs* Don’t snort. Don’t snort. One snort per fic!
“He’d been hospitalized after Hawkeye had seen Al having to catch him when he’d tripped over nothing on his way out of HQ.”
Gotta love Hawkeye, especially yours! You have so IC!
“Stunted . . . your growth.”
*Holding breath while thinking* Don’t snort! NO!
“Good. Maybe this one will do the same to you and give me time to catch up.”
*snort* DAMNIT! And you know, I’m in a computer lab full of my friends at work who are going to laugh at me!
“You need . . . to get away from . . . me.”
Aw…NO! *huggles Al—then runs away*
“It’s a little late for that. Stop worrying about me.”
Yeah, I agree. Going to gates and crossing dimensional boundaries—
“A long time ago, he could recall their mother making a cough remedy out of honey and lemons.”
You brought in Trisha! YEAH! I love Trisha!
…Yeah, I have thing for the dead characters! BRING THEM BACK! I liked Envy, too, and he’s gone…and Ling’s not even in the anime…Hey, do you know why they ended the anime?
“But he couldn’t think of a much worse side effect than death.”
That is true!
“Ed glanced up to see Al watching him, apparently happier to do so now that Ed was very directly in his line of sight.”
BROTHERLY LUFF! It’s all over! I do so love you! *huggles*
“Ed stared at him a moment, bemused, and Al gave him another attempt at a smile. “Can’t hurt. Besides . . . I hear it’s fun.”
DRUG-PUSHER ED! This is probably my favorite part of the story, but to tell you the truth, I like the ending, and the beginning, and the middle, and—yeah. It’s so hard to choose!
“So Al wasn’t warming up, like he’d assumed. Instead, they were both cold. Or hot. (paragraph) Damn.”
Inner thoughts! Damn awesome!
“He wasn’t a heavy drinker, and the alcohol fumes had probably attacked his already raw throat.”
Ed and Al drunk! I know we’ve discussed that before! See? Now, if they were drunks, Al could have swallowed that, no prob.
“Ed just rubbed little circles on his back, hoping it would loosen some of the hardened muscles he could feel even through Al’s coat.”
Aww! I love Ed’s loving gestures!
“Unless they were burning the bodies.”
AH! Oh, God. I was just listening to Yahoo! Music, and “Tearing Up My Heart” by N*SYNC popped up. That is freaking scary, man! Justin and all them—oh, God. It’s like—anyway. Let me get to reading your story. I changed my songs to Bon Jovi and Three Days Grace. AH! Burning bodies! AH!
“It was empty.”
NO! Al, you idiot! But so much brotherly luff! Sacrificing himself!
“Tell me you spilled it.” He kept his tone neutral. He kept his expression neutral.”
Aww…no. Sorry, Ed. Totally drank...well, no.
“Only if you take the pills.”
I love the bartering! It is cute and brotherly and *GLOMPs you in a hug* I hope that’s the right Internet turn. I’m taking lessons, but I’m not that great other than btw or XD!
“What the hell are you thinking?” He didn’t bother to watch his volume. “Are you insane?”
*laughs* and at the same time, screaming, “NOO!” and “GO AL!”
“But then he’d be a hypocrite.”
Hypocritical brothers! SO AWESOME! Killing themselves for each other without realizing it—so cute!
“Otherwise I make you bring it up.”
*snort* Will you stop that!
“Already did,” Al admitted, still holding out his hand. “Spilled half the vial when I choked on it.”
*snort* Ah…I might as well embrace it. This is so damn funny! Corrinne, stop laughing at me! (math tutor)
“I was thinking I should save this, to wean you off the addiction, but now I think I’ll take it, so I don’t strangle you in your sleep.”
NO! THAT IS MY FAVORITE LINE! That and “I’ll make you bring it up!” I love those!
“You’re such an idiot sometimes.”
They both are, and that’s why we love them!
“Were you intending to take all of it?”
Aww…Al won’t meet his brother’s eyes…
“You’re this sick because your body was in the Gate all that time. I put it there, Al. And . . . you shouldn’t have come here.”
Agnst! I can’t spell Angst, but BROTHERLY ANGST WITH LUFF!
“I only just got you back.”
“This stuff really is pretty good.” (paragraph) “No, you can’t have more.”
HA! Al likes the drugs, and big brother ED acts like one (well, he did through the whole thing, but you know what I mean—right?)
“Ten minutes,” Ed said softly. (paragaraph) He’d let him sleep for ten minutes.”
I love it! I love how the ending just ties everything in nice little bows! Seriously, I cannot thank you enough for what you have done for me. Thank you. *huggles you*
| myeerah chapter 1 . 6/18/2007
I do so enjoy me some brotherly love. :D
| silverfox2702 chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
RITE MOAR PLZ!
Just joking! That was a wonderful place to stop it andIdon'tseethemgettingoutofthisalive...but that's just me *cough* Maybe Ed getting better first and giving Al a blood transfusion since Al is so weak...are they even the same blood type...?
You can ignore me...it's just that for two-thirds of the fic I was worrying over a term before my brain supplied me with "alpha 2,6 sialic acid" and I was like "Yeah! That's it! Now I can enjoy the fic!" (Okay, you can hit me now~*cowers*)
But anyways, this was so much *love* _
And *everyone* so desperate and both Ed AND Al trying so hard *wibble*
And how being the Fullmetal Alchemist doesn't make you immune from *anything*, and how Ed and Al will never complete their goals now, and...I'm blathering...*shuts up*
"It was possibly as scary as the beating he got when discovering Laboratory 5, and he’d ended up in the same hospital."
Why do I love this line so much?
“Good. Maybe this one will do the same to you and give me time to catch up,” he groused. Anyone else might have been encouraged that Al had tried to tell a joke, but it just made Ed’s gut curl uncomfortably.
Al knew he was worrying. And he had good reason to worry.
“Can’t hurt. Besides . . . I hear it’s fun.”
"Did they know their coworker was still alive? Or had he already been carried out with the dead?"
I was seriously worried about this. And ready for lots of "what should I do/was it the right thing to do?" Ed angst *cough* Good thing they thought to check...
*continues reading onwards to the bargaining part*
*gushes incomprehensible gibberish*
"Al was watching him carefully, but seemed to conclude he’d really swallowed the pills, because he held out his hand."
I'm surprised Ed didn't force his dose out and make Al take it later...? Of course they'd probably be pretty corroded...hmm...would that work?
“You wouldn’t have taken the pills,” he said, finally. “Just to be stubborn.”
Al knows him so well...
“You’re this sick because your body was in the Gate all that time. I put it there, Al. And . . . you shouldn’t have come here.”
If only Al wasn't too weak to whack him T_T
“I was going to say, if you start getting drowsy, I think there are coffee beans in the sack over there.”
And yay for Al hanging on! ThoughIstilldon'tseethemgettingoutofthisalive...but again, it's just me ;;
I love lemons and honey...or just the lemons...and chewing on coffee beans;;...but yes, they are pretty bleh if you're not in the mood for it..."With some kind of sweet coating to take the bite off, they really wouldn’t be half bad..." *dark chocolate heartheartheart* *dodges carrots again*
*off to work*
| Perchance to Write chapter 1 . 6/2/2007
zOMG! zOMG! That was…there really aren’t words for it! I can try to find ones that will stand-in, but the actually word for how marvelous this work has not been created for the English language!
First off, the premise was absolutely amazing! I do have one question, though. How did you know I love historical fiction? Seriously. How? I don’t think I ever told you, and here you go, writing my favorite genre! Mitai, you seriously rock! And the influenza! AH! You couldn’t have picked a better premise! XD!
Second off (yes, no one really says, ‘second off,’ do they?), *heart* If I wasn’t straight and totally not ready for marriage, I would propose! That was absolutely one of the greatest luff stories EVER in the history of fanfiction! You totally pulled on my heartstrings, and the banter between the brothers was astounding! I think my favorite was where Ed is trying to push, as a relative term, the drugs on his brother. *snort* Oh, no. I went to snorting. That is not good. Snorting is so embarrassing, which is why I love the Internet! But seriously, you truly weave the brotherly love angle so beautiful through the Elrics’ actions and words—From “He reached over to lay a hand on his brother’s forehead, but Al tried to shift away. (paragraph)“. . . sick, brother.” to “Grabbing a handful of the beans, Edward made his way back to the stack of burlap, settling himself in for a long night. Al’s eyes briefly opened, noting his return, then closed again, his breath rattling softly.” It was just filled with brotherly luff that I can’t even begin to dissect until I get out my fangirl mode. Oh! OH! Ed’s thoughts! They was so great! “Don’t be an idiot. Just breathe.” zOMG! That was my favorite line! Actully, I also really loved the “The arm around his waist tightened slightly, and Ed hauled his brother closer, moving quickly to the opposite side of the warehouse.” Physical touch!
Yes, it is clear to see there is a war between what was my favorite line and part because I LOVED IT ALL!
Fourth off—no, wait.—Third off, the title was perfect! Seriously! And love how you tie it in, in the end! When I first read the title, I went, “Ten Minutes,” ooh, this is going to be so much fun! Anything with a time limit or tied to time is always a blast, and then boom! Right at the end! PERFECT!
Clearly, since there are no quotes, you will be getting another review, even if I have to create another name! I’m sorry for the delay, but the Internet is sketchy, and I wanted at least get a condensed review in for you because you were so kind to write this for me. *huggles*
Ah, yes. Fourth off, you did this for me! Why are you thanking me? You wrote it! You gave me the prompts. It wasn’t like I had the idea and you said, “Oh! Let me write!” No! You did all this! In fact, I think the best I did is, “Brothers. Luff. Human. Adults.” Everything else, my friend, was you! So, don’t thank me! THANK YOU for doing this for me! I could not ask for a better pickmeup! This was completely and totally wonderful. This, right here, makes all I went through worthwhile. I always hear, “There is a reason for everything.” This proves it! I went through a hard time, and this was the reason. So you could write me a story that was so tremendous. Thank you, Mitai.
Psst. It was better than I ever had in mind. That's what is great about my writing friends. They are all better than me, and they help to show me new ways to write and to create ideas-how to take an idea and take a step further from creation of idea to execution.
Furthermore, you never have to write something for me for feedback! I like doing feedback, and I love giving great authors their due.
EVERYONE! POST A REVIEW! KEEP MITAI IN FMA FANFICTION!
*smiles and huggles*
| Krows Scared chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
I can't decide wheather or not this finishes with both of them dying in their sleep together never knowing or all the stuff they took to combat the sickness actually worked and they got better (eventually)
Keep up the excellent writing!