Reviews for Down for the Third
Archnecromancer King chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!I love it! Simply excellent. All were perfect: Asuka, Shinji, and, especially, Rei. Thank you for the story.
NamelessHeretic chapter 1 . 9/8/2007
Lol, that sneaky little shit...
Sideris chapter 1 . 6/21/2007
Amusing, to be sure. And I swear, if Nate worships you anymore you may need a restraining order. Ha!
sentinel28 chapter 1 . 6/17/2007
Now you've got me intrigued...did Shinji just panic, or was he trying to cop a feel? I'm inclined towards the former and Asuka's somewhat filthy imagination (or projection), but still...

This would be a good story if you wrote it in four hours, not two. Great job! I think I'll have to look at your other stuff now!
one guy chapter 1 . 6/10/2007
Yes, I agree. You sure have a talent of like constructing a world around the reader, you let us almost feel it all happening.

This story is very intriguing and has its surprise.

And I think I did unsderstand why it is supposed to be funny but, actually, it was sad to me (maybe I'm just in a too serious mood right now). However, that is a positive thing because that means I was moved by your story.
Outside Perspective chapter 1 . 6/9/2007
Do you know what makes your works truly stand out?

First off, your judicious and sparing use of dialogue. Too many people forget that stories are meant to be narratives of events and not merely transcriptions of conversations.

Second, and more importantly, the sheer amount of detail you place into your descriptive passages. You somehow manage to transport readers like me into the scene itself, making us feel like actual participants in the events that are unfolding.

Tales like yours make my visits to absolutely worthwhile.
kaworu-kun chapter 1 . 6/9/2007
Heh. Brilliant. I actually laughed when I finished it.
unknown user chapter 1 . 6/8/2007
o.o Okay... It's a little OOC for Shinji to trick people, methinks. Though I suppose it's not that OOC for him to realize he's in water and panic without realizing the depth...
Rouzeki Tadayoi chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
This story is sheer win sir, sheer win.
Konous the grey chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
Dear Ikarus Onesun

Alright I have two problems with this story, and I'm sure they all have to do with this being a one hour one shot.

First off you state in the story that Shinji had something slamming into his toes. This is what causes him to fall into the pull. Okay so we've got one flow idea going here.

Then you have Rei save him and Asuka does the whole 'It was all faked!' bit. Well in that time afterward you never showed what ACTUALLY hit Shinji in the toes. We have here a plot hole!

So we have two stream ideas here. One that Shinji did it on accident, another that he did it to be rescued by Rei. It doesn't mesh. It's a good story, nicely pulled off one hour one shot, but it still has incongruity problems. I may be wrong who knows but I'm basing this off of what I read.

Sincerely,

-Konous The Grey
Cryoxe chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
I must be honest, I haven't read a story in a long time that kept my interest so intensively.
Lord-Potter-Gryffindor chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
This is a good one shot story, I think you should keep going with it. This story would make a real good story with more chapters. There is always room for a good Shinji and Rei story.
theotherdave chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
Shinji is slick but still in need of backbone and cajones implants
Calbob chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
Very nice. Awesome one shot. Rei is so gullible

good work.
James Axelrad chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
fun.
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