|Reviews for Father|
| Soren chapter 1 . 5/5/2015
This fanfiction is defective to change without any explanation or reason Asuka and Shinji temperament, both having a much stronger relationship. To believe both like each other but shinji of anguish and Asuka's pride prevent that approach, even if they suffer from it.
I could have written a slower history and more develop their character instead of the shinji readily have her request to marry. The best way to evolve their character is through failure and its falls. Shinji and Asuka placing falling several times and learning from the pain of his frustration to grow and become better people.
The Asuka could have been involved with some guy she apparently thinks better than shinji and its level for the time to end up pregnant be abandoned, Asuka realize that she can not do it alone, she depends on others, it is isolated not wanting anyone else, but only get pain of loneliness. The point would be that it realizing that nothing can do it alone and needs of others, you will see that only shinji cared about her.
The shinji could have evolved in the direction that feels despised and resented it. Resolve grow as a person, never to be neglected. Resolve then change your life for the better. He gets involved with another girl and realizes that it is not happy and misses Asuka.
Best way to develop the plot would be through the obstacles that would allow the actors to rethink their lives and review your mistakes.
| Ranma-sensei chapter 8 . 4/23/2015
Wow, interesting story, though you've either abandoned it or at least as bad a schedule as mine. What really throws me most of the time is the out-of-character-ness of the... well, characters; but once you get past that, it's a really enjoyable story. I'm really looking forward to the revelation of the father, although I hope it won't turn out to have been Shinji, all along.
So, hoping you someday continue this beauty, I'll hit the follow button, now.
| Starfire99 chapter 8 . 1/19/2015
You ever going to finish your stories? This one hasn't been touched in SEVEN YEARS! And to make things worse, you never revealed who the father was! And people are also waiting for new chapters of "To Live Is So Much Harder" as well.
| Western-Otaku chapter 8 . 11/2/2014
I usually don't care for fictional weddings in Movies, Books etc. I'm a guy so naturally we don't swoon for that kinda stuff...
But with characters like those in Evangelion, after the crap they've done and been through, and also after how far Asuka and Shinji have come in maturing ahead of their age instead of being less mature than their age before in canon, over wedding between Asuka and Shinji, I can't help but feel the fluffiness of this fic, and like dem' feels :)
This may be your typical happily ever after scenario fic, but screw that, it's good in the way that it openly explores Asuka and Shinji's relationship. It's great to see how the attitudes of Shinji and Asuka in the canon story are not ignored, but elaborated upon to show a possible deeper meaning beneath what it looked like Shinji and Asuka meant in their actions as opposed to what Shinji and Asuka actually meant in their actions.
It's also nice to see how you've linked this fic logically to around-about where Evangelion left off. Due to the multiple endings and the possibility of the third impact happening or not, the canon ending of Evangelion is like a frayed end of a piece of rope, individual strands just split off into different directions, so this picks itself to start about episode 24 as Kowaru Nagisa is still dead and the earliest flashback in this fic is of Asuka in her comatose state.
Overall, as the main events aside from the flashback take place a year or maybe two (as they're 16) after Evangelion sorta left off, you've appropriately shown just how much the two characters have grown as well as the rest of the cast such as Shinji's surrogate family and friends as well as his actual family with Gendo. I wished you could return and update this to show more of Shinji in action with his job, but what we got at the moment focusing on the romance was good enough :) One final appraisal is linking Shinji and Asuka's childhoods, which I can't help but think about how it reminds me of episode 26 in the AU where Evas and Nerv and Angels don't exist and Asuka and Shinji are childhood friends :) It's kinda adorable and cute if you think about how Shinji is the reason Asuka was born and the two comforted each other when they were little. Two babies holding each other to stop the other crying, and also the fact that they were almost made for each other _ the cuteness is almost too much!
Overall, really loved the fic :)
| Critic 307 chapter 8 . 7/9/2014
Unfortunately I'm slightly disappointed with your end. You should have focused more on Asuka and Shinji's current relationship instead of Summer 2016. I wished for more detail on their Honeymoon instead of a flashback. But that is ok. It was a great story anyways. Wish the author still had enough of a brain after writing 8 long chapters to continue.
| starburst98 chapter 8 . 5/4/2013
hi, just read this whole thing. wanna say it's hilarious how obvious it is that shinji really is the father. he ruled himself out but never took the test. so they have every person in tokyo-3 checked except him. is funny to me.
| Gemini011 chapter 2 . 3/20/2013
Yeah, I'm not reading this anymore. I think I figured out what's been bothering me so much, though. I think the writing reminds me too much of my own attempts at fanfiction in the past. In rushing to get your ideas onto the page, you leave out a lot of background. In order to have characters act the way you want them to for this fic, you make quick excuses for why they've changed so much.
Anyway, I know this story is pretty old. "Music of the Night" was more recent, and a lot better (though it did still have a few problems). The amount of improvement from the early chapters of this one to that one tells me that you probably learned a lot about writing better from doing this fic. So well done!
Thanks for writing!
| Gemini011 chapter 1 . 3/20/2013
I really enjoyed reading "Music of the Night" (even though it's not finished! grrr...), so I decided to give this one a shot.
Oh. My God. Why can't I stop reading this fic?
It's terrible! There's so much missing! Shinji and Rei know they're genetically related and consider themselves siblings? Misato just up and decided not to be pissy with Kaji anymore? Shinji has a motorbike? What happened!? It took me until half way through just to DEDUCE their ages. Seriously, there's barely any frame here, and it's so far from how things are in the source material it's jarring to just have all these changes hand-waved.
And EVERYONE is varying degrees of out of character. Shinji and Asuka at least have some excuse, but you don't go from being super-repressed to being a suave badass in just a couple of weeks, even if you do have a good reason. And Rei was barely Rei at all!
Also, the "Princess Bride" bit was a little overdone. And completely out of nowhere.
And now I'm going to go read the next chapter. I'm not sure why, since it feels like everything's already been solved, with the exception of the identity of the "father," which doesn't even really matter. Because whoever it is is as good as dead. Bluh.
Sorry for the crappy review. Thanks for writing, even if I've been a bit snotty about it.
| NeoMatrixJR chapter 8 . 12/7/2012
Lord Talon, I must say I think this is one of my favorite EVA stories. If you still have plans for it, please finish it! Normally, I don't request this as I have an unfinished story myself (though, in my defense it started as a one-shot and I didn't have a full plan for it), but this is so good, and I would like to see how it all ends.
| MoonfireArt chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
As you have disabled the PM function, I have no other way to contact you, so I will do so in this review.
This is one of the best pieces of fanfiction on this site, period. I do not know if you intend on finishing it, but the rest of the story needs to be told. I would be happy to assist with that if you would like the help. Just contact me through my profile.
In addition, I would like your permission to include this story in an anthology of the best EVA fanfiction on the net, which I will convert into an e-book (all formats), and make freely available for download (so no copyright infringement). This will include original cover and story art, donated for free. However, I cannot do this if the story is incomplete. I am also negotiating with Gainax/Anno for a print version to be made available, royalties to be divided between the authors and Gainax. This is not a joke, as I am a director for a publishing company. A doujinshi of this story is another possibility, if you are inclined to accept.
Please ignore the detracting comments some rant about in the forums. Anyone who's ever truly been in love can completely relate to this story. It is not as out of character as they suggest, it is human.
Quite simply, you are an extremely evocative and expressive author who seems to understand the workings of the human mind. I would love to see you write a novel of your own. If it was of the quality of this story, I would be willing to consider it for publication.
I do not know if you are active on this site anymore, but I would hope someone would bring this to your attention. These are very serious offers I am making.
I hope you will at least consider it. You have far too much potential to let it go to waste. Please contact me if you are interested.
| MoonfireArt chapter 8 . 7/11/2012
What the Heck! I'm going to start channeling my inner Gendo if you don't finish this story and tell us who the father was!
Seriously though, this is novel-quality writing, and you should be beyond proud. Some minor typos (an editor could fix those), but this is one of the best EVA fics on this whole website. Right up there with "Orchestrating the Silence".
FINISH IT, PLEASE! Don't make me beg!
| Christopher chapter 8 . 6/17/2012
I like this story please continue soon !
| chunnin33 chapter 8 . 12/31/2010
A great story so far, good plot development although the first few chapters were very confusing time-wise. Not many negative things can be said about the story however I heavily suggest that you make some slight changes to the summary such as giving info on when the story is based. Keep up the good work; especially liking your development of Gendo's personality and the changes pertaining to him and his actions.
good luck with future writing. chunnin33
| harmonyfan669 chapter 1 . 12/30/2010
| justbehappydammit chapter 5 . 12/13/2010
Gendo may be a bastard, but no one else messes with his family. They will be utterly DESTROYED.