|Reviews for Father|
| starburst98 chapter 8 . 5/4/2013
hi, just read this whole thing. wanna say it's hilarious how obvious it is that shinji really is the father. he ruled himself out but never took the test. so they have every person in tokyo-3 checked except him. is funny to me.
| Gemini011 chapter 2 . 3/20/2013
Yeah, I'm not reading this anymore. I think I figured out what's been bothering me so much, though. I think the writing reminds me too much of my own attempts at fanfiction in the past. In rushing to get your ideas onto the page, you leave out a lot of background. In order to have characters act the way you want them to for this fic, you make quick excuses for why they've changed so much.
Anyway, I know this story is pretty old. "Music of the Night" was more recent, and a lot better (though it did still have a few problems). The amount of improvement from the early chapters of this one to that one tells me that you probably learned a lot about writing better from doing this fic. So well done!
Thanks for writing!
| Gemini011 chapter 1 . 3/20/2013
I really enjoyed reading "Music of the Night" (even though it's not finished! grrr...), so I decided to give this one a shot.
Oh. My God. Why can't I stop reading this fic?
It's terrible! There's so much missing! Shinji and Rei know they're genetically related and consider themselves siblings? Misato just up and decided not to be pissy with Kaji anymore? Shinji has a motorbike? What happened!? It took me until half way through just to DEDUCE their ages. Seriously, there's barely any frame here, and it's so far from how things are in the source material it's jarring to just have all these changes hand-waved.
And EVERYONE is varying degrees of out of character. Shinji and Asuka at least have some excuse, but you don't go from being super-repressed to being a suave badass in just a couple of weeks, even if you do have a good reason. And Rei was barely Rei at all!
Also, the "Princess Bride" bit was a little overdone. And completely out of nowhere.
And now I'm going to go read the next chapter. I'm not sure why, since it feels like everything's already been solved, with the exception of the identity of the "father," which doesn't even really matter. Because whoever it is is as good as dead. Bluh.
Sorry for the crappy review. Thanks for writing, even if I've been a bit snotty about it.
| NeoMatrixJR chapter 8 . 12/7/2012
Lord Talon, I must say I think this is one of my favorite EVA stories. If you still have plans for it, please finish it! Normally, I don't request this as I have an unfinished story myself (though, in my defense it started as a one-shot and I didn't have a full plan for it), but this is so good, and I would like to see how it all ends.
| MoonfireArt chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
As you have disabled the PM function, I have no other way to contact you, so I will do so in this review.
This is one of the best pieces of fanfiction on this site, period. I do not know if you intend on finishing it, but the rest of the story needs to be told. I would be happy to assist with that if you would like the help. Just contact me through my profile.
In addition, I would like your permission to include this story in an anthology of the best EVA fanfiction on the net, which I will convert into an e-book (all formats), and make freely available for download (so no copyright infringement). This will include original cover and story art, donated for free. However, I cannot do this if the story is incomplete. I am also negotiating with Gainax/Anno for a print version to be made available, royalties to be divided between the authors and Gainax. This is not a joke, as I am a director for a publishing company. A doujinshi of this story is another possibility, if you are inclined to accept.
Please ignore the detracting comments some rant about in the forums. Anyone who's ever truly been in love can completely relate to this story. It is not as out of character as they suggest, it is human.
Quite simply, you are an extremely evocative and expressive author who seems to understand the workings of the human mind. I would love to see you write a novel of your own. If it was of the quality of this story, I would be willing to consider it for publication.
I do not know if you are active on this site anymore, but I would hope someone would bring this to your attention. These are very serious offers I am making.
I hope you will at least consider it. You have far too much potential to let it go to waste. Please contact me if you are interested.
| MoonfireArt chapter 8 . 7/11/2012
What the Heck! I'm going to start channeling my inner Gendo if you don't finish this story and tell us who the father was!
Seriously though, this is novel-quality writing, and you should be beyond proud. Some minor typos (an editor could fix those), but this is one of the best EVA fics on this whole website. Right up there with "Orchestrating the Silence".
FINISH IT, PLEASE! Don't make me beg!
| Christopher chapter 8 . 6/17/2012
I like this story please continue soon !
| chunnin33 chapter 8 . 12/31/2010
A great story so far, good plot development although the first few chapters were very confusing time-wise. Not many negative things can be said about the story however I heavily suggest that you make some slight changes to the summary such as giving info on when the story is based. Keep up the good work; especially liking your development of Gendo's personality and the changes pertaining to him and his actions.
good luck with future writing. chunnin33
| harmonyfan669 chapter 1 . 12/30/2010
| justbehappydammit chapter 5 . 12/13/2010
Gendo may be a bastard, but no one else messes with his family. They will be utterly DESTROYED.
| XeonSlade chapter 8 . 9/15/2010
Hope you feel better, and take your time getting these chapters up :D its addicting xD
- XeOnSlAdE -
| Da Games Elite chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
Okay...okay...the ideas employed in this story are intelligent, the sequence of events are well organized and intelligent, the plot flow is nice...BUT THERE ARE SO MANY INCONSISTANCIES WITH CHARACTERS!
Sorry, I know you put effort into this story, and it shows, but so many characters are so drastically different without any real explanation. Rei is WAY too emotional without you even spending a sentance saying "Since Third Impact, Rei opened up more" or "Shinji had told Asuka that he and Rei were genetically related" or what have you. This is especially distracting considering that we are given no information to lead us to believe that the relationships between characters has changed between this fan-fic and the series, so naturally we can assume certain characters developed past the epilogue of the End of Eva, or what have you, but even at the end Shinji was still emotionally fragile, Asuka was psychologically broken, Rei was living impared! Now, Shinji's taken the Kamina School of Kick-Assary, which everyone acknowledges is strange. Asuka is extremely friendly toward Shinji, and while it's reasonable that she's going to behave differently thanks to her hormones, there's a line between change and completely different person. She's WAY too friendly WAY too soon.
Misato, Kaji, Hikari, Gendo...they're all in character, it's just that it feels, so far, at times, uncomfortably forced.
| Aaron chapter 8 . 7/8/2010
Good story that needs tobe finished.
| Aaron chapter 8 . 7/8/2010
Good story that needs tobe finished.
| Ian Greene chapter 5 . 6/11/2010
Wow. I never knew how AWESOME Gendo Ikari could really be.