|Reviews for One Change|
| reine Seele chapter 15 . 5/10/2008
So, now I'm going to hire you write fight scenes for me.
This was so totally badass I don't know where to start. Holy cow, I loved every second of it! My favorite part was the witty dialogue. Talon's "He's got good weed" comment and Skeletor's "Give it a minute it'll kick in" had me laughing out loud.
I'm so excited to find that you haven't given this up. I look forward to more!
| la-perla's mermaid chapter 15 . 2/26/2008
hi,it's been long! this is a realy nice chapter. Are you going to introduce adam later? after all accordig to the first chapter it was adam who got stolen by hordak
| la-perla's mermaid chapter 13 . 8/5/2007
cool chapter, just one advice,your story is trully epic and one problem with epic stories is that they are big, and if you don't plan them properly they could get out of hand, to avoid that try to write a scetch to work as a "skeleton" to keep you in the right track. There's nothing wrong with a little angst or intrighes, especially on epics, don't feel the need to write only cool action secuences all the time (I know it can be tirening for the writer)
| reine Seele chapter 13 . 8/3/2007
Don't know about you, but I thought that this chapter kicked ass! Great detail, beautiful imagery, and cool scenes with Skelly! In the part where you italicized everything, you need to go back an fix your capitalization, particularly after anyone speaks. Other than that, I think it's a great chapter. Keep up the awesome work!
| reine Seele chapter 12 . 7/29/2007
Awesome new chapter! I loved the fight scene; very descriptive and very well executed. Evil!Talon is a force to be reckoned with. I can't wait to find out what this "Cassie" is all about. More twists and turns at every chapter. I love it. One question: how does Talon's body change physically? Is it just demon powers or is it some kind of magic? Anyways, great story, but keep looking out for spelling errors, especially the "their"/"they're"/"there" thing. Can't wait for the next chapter (you do seem to spit them out so fast; I envy you).
| reine Seele chapter 11 . 7/25/2007
Cool chapter and awesome fight scenes. Talon's released form sounds like a mix of Hellboy, Alucard, and my own Reaper, and it was certainly a wicked little joy to read. Good job. I'll be very interested to see what becomes of the twins now.
There were some marginal spelling errors, mainly the use of "their" when meaning "they're." Lke I said before, just go back over and spellcheck. Also, I would suggest removing the random author's notes from the middle of the story. It disrupts the flow and causes the reader to stumble. I would suggest adding them at the very end.
Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work!
| reine Seele chapter 10 . 7/21/2007
Interesting story you've got going on here. The idea of putting Adora in Adam's place is certainly a new twist, but I agree with selene jqfan; she should act differently and carry her own qualities that make her her own person and not just a gender-bended Prince Adam.
Talon seems like a cool character, but be careful of how you portray him; as it stands, to me he acts like a Gary Stu, which is probably the first that this fandom has seen. I would tone him down a bit if I were you. One way you can do this is give him a few more faults. I know how cool it is to have a kickass character, but it isn't always believable. When fancharacters come in and kick everyone's butt it's a kick in the face to the creators, kind of like saying, "Your characters are cool, but mine is cooler. Nyah nyah!" I realize that this is an AU fic, but canon still needs to be treated with respect.
Also, giving your character a tragic past doesn't automatically make him likable; if he wangsts too much about how awful his past life was, then it becomes repetitive and annoying. Try a new spin on it, like instead of having him mourn about it, make him remember happier times, things he misses. Stop being so vague! I know you're building up suspense and all that, but letting the little, unimportant details leak through won't damage your surprise. Keep that in mind, alright?
I love the funny bits; his attitude cracks me up, especially during the shopping spree. Congrats on a scene well done!
I'd be interested to see this turn into a threesome; it'll be extremely difficult to write, considering the characters involved (Teela especially) but I'm sure it can be done in a believable fashion. Just don't turn it into some pervert's lesbian wet dream. Think classy.
Your grammar is fine for the most part, your spelling also fine, but your punctuation is in need of work, especially in the area of apostrophes; you need to go back over your previous chapters and look for all the places where you're depicting ownership; add an apostrophe in between the person's name (or whoever or whatever happens to be doing the owning) and the "s." There are some other areas, such as comma splices and such, especially within the first couple of capters, but those can be easily remedied with a good beta.
Overall this is a good story, worth the read. Even if Talon is a mix between Deadpool, The Power Rangers, and Tekken, he's still a fun and dynamic character. Can't wait to see what's in store for him. Probably hot lesbian action, but I won't call it yet.
| la-perla's mermaid chapter 1 . 6/19/2007
It' a great story, be patient other people will review it just give them time
| la-perla's mermaid chapter 3 . 6/17/2007
The idea of placing adora in adam's place is good, but if you make adora act like adam and face the exact same consecuences as him (pretending to be a coward and suffering for it ) then there's nothing new. You have the chance to change the relationships between the caracters, Adora is a girl, no one should expect her to go to battle. You could have more fun with plots instead of doing what everyone else's does.